Hogwarts According To Padma Patil
by Dodger Gilmore
Summary: This is Padma Patil's story, following her through her years at Hogwarts and beyond. Where she is separated from her sister, finds new friends, looks for love, and somehow finds herself in the middle of a war.
1. First Year

**A/N: **Okay, so I've gone a little crazy here… I'm actually starting a multi-chaptered story that isn't just oneshots or drabbles or character sketches linked together, but an actual story… With a plot! Insane, I know… Since I have had so little time updating all the stories I've already got going on lately. But I don't know, I just got hit by inspiration with this one two weeks ago, and somehow, it's been writing itself. I've been working it out basically all the way, and I actually think I'll finish it, or at least get a good bit into it before too long. If someone's interested in reading it, of course.

Well, what can I say? It's Padma Patil's story, of growing up, friendships, love and war. With lots and lots of appearances from Michael Corner, Terry Boot and Anthony Goldstein (three boys who I've come to love through WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot's stories), but also most other DA members in various degrees. And, obviously, it follows the events of Harry and the others' years, so you'll recognize some things, but just get it from Padma's perspective. For readers of my other stories, this as always stays in that same universe, but it can definitely be read alone.

Even if it's a bit crazy to write a story from such a minor character's POV, I hope you'll give it a chance.

**_1. __First Year_**

Padma was blinking back tears. When she opened her eyes properly again, swallowing, Parvati's eyes were there, mildly sympathetic, but mostly just plain excited. Still, she stopped, took her sister's hand and smiled softly at her.

"C'mon. We'll see them for Christmas. It's not that long, you know. And plus, we'll have way too much fun to bother about them. Okay?"

Padma only gave a watery nod. She knew Parvati could make out the still lingering doubtfulness, but she also felt sure that her sister would not realize that it had to do with something more than the obvious parental separation.

Parvati was – just as she had expected – way too thrilled about the prospect of Hogwarts to notice anything of the sort. So they kept walking along the corridor, in search for an empty compartment. Or, at least that was what Padma had assumed they were looking for, until Parvati pushed one door open, a devilish grin creeping onto her features, ignoring Padma's protest that there was in fact an unoccupied compartment just ahead of them.

"Hey, boys," Parvati grinned at the two pretty awkward-looking boys who had already taken up two of the seats in the compartment. "Sorry, but there's like _no_ room anywhere else, so I was just wondering if maybe we could sit in here? If you don't mind, of course," she finished off, flashing her most winning smile. Padma, still half-hidden outside, rolled her eyes. She had never really been able to comprehend her sister's extreme fascination with boys, or, for that matter, the effect Parvati seemed to have on them.

The two boys shared a quick glance, then the taller, black one gave a short, supposedly casual nod. His slightly agape mouth gave him away, though.

The other boy, who had sandy-coloured hair, recovered faster. "We?" he questioned, raising his eyebrow, as Parvati was still apparently alone.

Padma took this as her cue to enter, knowing that it was too late to protest anyway. No matter that she would have preferred to share this ride with her sister and her sister only. Besides, she supposed anything that took Parvati's mind from the worrying she was overcome with herself was a good thing.

"Woah. There's two of you," the sandy-haired boy pointed out stupidly, turning his head from one twin to the other.

"Oh, really? I didn't know," Parvati rolled her eyes, as she slumped down in the seat opposite the boys, gesturing for Padma to follow her.

xxx

The train ride seemed to go on forever. The first hour, Padma was only half paying attention to the conversation where Parvati and the sandy-haired boy, who was apparently called Seamus, were both enthusiastically attempting to explain the wizarding world to the taller boy, Dean, who was Muggleborn.

Padma didn't bother trying to join in. The boys were too wrapped up in their growing friendship, and the fact that a pretty girl was talking to them, to notice that the other girl was staring out the window.

However, it was only a matter of time before her sister was snapped out of her boy-reverie enough to –

And there it was. Parvati's hand on her shoulder, her eyes in hers, her silent question of "what's wrong?".

Padma simply shrugged and attempted a smile. If she was lucky, Parvati would trust that it was still the parent thing, and nothing else.

Seemingly, she did, because she did not ask anything, she merely squeezed her shoulder for a moment, and then started what Padma recognized as her most intense version of a cheering session. She decided on the spot that the black boy was hers and the sandy-haired one was Padma's, and then began to plan out their lives together in a whisper. And even if Padma could care less about the sandy-haired boy, she couldn't help but giggle as Parvati started describing their first kiss – which would occur in third year, in a broom closet, and which would be extremely slobbery.

xxx

It was time now, for what she had been dreading immensely, but which Parvati seemed not to be concerned about at all. It had always been like that, she supposed. When their mother had said that most families ended up together, and that since they were twins, the chance was probably even greater – Parvati took it as a sure thing, while Padma got stuck on the wording that there was only a chance that they'd be together and nothing was certain.

Ever since, Padma had been making it her top priority to not have her sister sharing her worry, and to hide it as properly as she could. Not that she hadn't needed her – she had, a lot. But she couldn't bear to bring her sister down with her. Not when it was probably just her being silly and stupid and overly hysterical.

So, she had instead listened to her sister's eager debates about which house they would end up in – Ravenclaw, like their father, or Hufflepuff, like their mother. Or something completely different (Parvati pointed out that the hottest guys were bound to be found in Gryffindor).

And now, she refrained from grabbing her sister's hand in support as the P's drew closer, while she herself felt all the colour draining from her face and her knees wavering. Parvati, however, was still shooting furtive glances at the pair of boys.

"Padma Patil!"

Oh, no. Avoiding her sister's encouraging eyes, she stepped forward, trying to focus her mind on putting her left foot in front of her right foot, her right foot in front of her left foot. But then she almost collided with a red-haired, tall boy, who was glancing as longingly as Parvati was at the boys. However, his eyes were directed towards the Gryffindor table. She supposed he had family there, as she had thought she had detected similar hair colours over there earlier.

Coming to the realization that she had momentarily stopped, Padma hurried on, but then her eyes fell upon the shorter, black-haired boy next to the redhead, with glasses and – a lightning shaped scar? Since now really was not the time to ponder about celebrities, she quickly slumped down on the chair, but with a last fleeting thought that if Parvati had only known that Harry Potter was here, she surely wouldn't have spent all of her attention at Dean and Seamus.

Then it was all black, and the hat said something about her intelligence and curiosity to learn that was there, even if she was right now too distracted to see it. Before she knew it, she was stumbling towards the Ravenclaw table, greeted cheerily by a brunette she recognized from the line, who introduced herself as Mandy Brocklehurst. Padma barely nodded in response, her sole focus on her twin's face disappearing behind the rim of the Sorting Hat.

She held her breath. Some part of her knew, already, but she pushed that thought away. Didn't it seem to take an extraordinary long time?

And then – "GRYFFINDOR!". Padma's heart stopped, and as she met her sister's horror-struck eyes, she saw that her sister really had been as sure as she had seemed.

xxx

The rest of the night passed in a blur. Padma and Mandy were soon joined by Lisa Turpin, a quiet blonde, who soon loosened up as Mandy took her in (after having recognized Padma as a lost cause). Before long, the two of them were whispering together as though they had known each other for years.

Padma barely ate. She just sat there, like she was supposed to. Because what else could she do? And then, when dinner was finished, she followed her Prefect in the opposite direction of Parvati's longing face, because that was what she was supposed to do. While, really, every part of her was dying to break every stupid rule of this stupid school, and just screw it all. Because she _needed_ her sister.

xxx

The common room had been empty when she had finally gotten tired of listening to Mandy and Lisa exchanging life stories. It had been empty when she had curled herself into an armchair, hugging her knees and letting the tears fall.

Now, however, her sanctuary was interrupted. A black-haired, thin boy was staring at her curiously.

"Are you crying?" he asked after a moment, wrinkling his forehead.

Padma simply shrugged, wanting him to go away.

"Looks like you are," the boy pointed out. "Wanna tell me why? I'm Michael, if that helps," he added when she gave him a sceptical look. "Michael Corner. I'm a first year, too. I saw you get Sorted. And then at the table. You didn't look very chatty."

"Guess I'm not the chatty type," she mumbled, turning away from him. She was _really_ not in the mood for this.

He was silent for a few seconds, still gazing at her as though trying to use Legilimency on her. It made her feel highly uncomfortable, and she was just trying to work out a polite enough way to ask him to leave her alone when he spoke again.

"You're still crying." He received no reply. "Are you homesick or something? Or," he hesitated, "is it because you didn't end up in the same House as your twin?"

She almost fell to the floor, jumping at his ability to actually read her mind. For a moment, she considered that he had somehow managed to use Legilimency. Then she remembered that they were both first years, who hadn't even started lessons yet. He must just have had a lucky guess.

"Don't look so panicky. You do look the same, and well, we all saw the Sorting, didn't we? And we saw your faces when you didn't end up together. It doesn't take a mind reader to figure that one out."

Despite all of her reservations, Padma suddenly heard herself whisper; "We're supposed to be together. It – it's supposed to run in families, and we – we're _twins_! I – I c-can't do this without h-her." Her voice broke, and she buried her face in her hands.

She had expected Michael to run away rather than witness her actual sobbing, but he surprised her by placing a small hand on her knee.

He didn't say anything until she looked up, but then he met her watery eyes steadily. "It'll be all right, y'know."

"How?" she blurted out, her voice weak and trembling. "I don't even have anyone to sit with at the breakfast table tomorrow, because I didn't even try to talk to the girls in my dormitory and now they're going to be best friends and hate me and – "

Michael bit his lip for a second, then broke into a grin as if he had just figured out the meaning of life or something equally huge. "You'll sit with us," he settled simply, and then added; "You really are kind of a pessimist, you know that?"

Padma actually chuckled, before taking his offered hand and letting him pull her out of the chair.

xxx

"Hey, Padma! Over here!" Michael bellowed the moment she entered the Great Hall the next morning, before she even had time to start reconsidering.

Glancing over at the Gryffindor table, where Parvati was sitting with her back to her, whispering closely with some blonde girl, Padma made her way over to Michael and his two friends.

"This is Padma," he introduced her simply as she sat down beside him with a hesitant smile. "That's Terry," he continued, gesturing to a grinning boy with brown hair and glasses, "and this is Anthony," he finished, pointing at a shorter, paler boy who, for some reason, reddened slightly as she turned to him.

"So," Terry said, his elbow on the table, studying her. "You're one of those twins, eh?"

She merely nodded.

"Cool," he nodded appreciatively. "Too bad we only got one of you, though. Even if we did get the smart one." He flashed her a grin.

She wasn't sure whether to smile back or not when Michael elbowed his friend in the ribs, and she caught a "you insensitive git!" that she was probably not supposed to have heard. Still, she gave them both a small smile when they turned back to her, Terry still rubbing his chest.

xxx

Outside the Great Hall, she found Parvati waiting eagerly for her. Before Padma could say anything else, however, Parvati was all over her with questions about the three boys she'd seen her talking to at breakfast (I mean, the one in glasses was awfully cute, and the dark-haired one too, wasn't he?"), and when Padma answered none, she simply went on, telling her that the two boys from the train were in her house and that she hadn't had a chance to talk to them more yet, but that she hoped she would later, as she and Lavender ("the blonde girl, have you seen her – she's really nice and fun too, you'll love her, I promise") were planning to corner them sometime during the day.

"I'll have the tall one, of course, and she can have the sandy-haired one. They'll look good together, don't you think?" Parvati grinned.

Padma was saved from having to respond by Lavender's arrival. With a quick hug that did tell Padma Parvati might not be as completely unfazed as she seemed, she was gone. But it was a small comfort, that hug.

Even if Padma had never had any interest in the Seamus boy, it had still been her who Parvati had paired him up with just yesterday. And that was the way it was supposed to be. Before that _stupid _hat had ruined just about everything.

**A/N: **Please let me know what you thought, and if you are interested in reading more of this or not. I'm really nervous about this, so it would mean a lot.


	2. Second Year

**A/N: **Okay, here we go. Not my best chapter, and I'm sorry about that. I promise we'll get more "action" as we get into the later years. Just to let you know, I'm thinking I'll just do one chapter per year up until fifth (though that might be kind of a long one), and then sixth and seven will be divided up into several chapters, because they'll be the main focus of this story. Now, we're laying the background, because I really wanna follow Padma from the beginning with her relationship with the boys and her changing relationship with her sister, and well, just everything else going on with her. Hope you'll like this, anyway!

_**2. Second Year**_

Padma rubbed her temples, trying to bring her attention back to her Potions essay, which was made slightly difficult by the fact that Jeremy Stretton and Jason Samuels had just blown up a number of Dungbombs and proceeded to encourage the common room at large to join in a chorus of "_Ravenclaw Rules_".

"Huh. I had no idea the brooding look was coming back. I better start practicing."

"Hello, Terry," she greeted him, without looking up, trying and failing to suppress a grin.

"So, what's up?" Michael slumped down in the chair next to her. "You worried 'bout this Chamber business or what?"

Padma looked up, surprised. She considered it for a moment, then shrugged. "Not really. I mean, kind of, obviously. It's creepy, you know. But I'm Pureblood, so I guess I don't have much to worry about, really. _You_, however, Terr…" she trailed off, giving him a significant glance.

"Me? I'll take Slytherin's monster in my sleep," he smirked, cockily leaning back in his chair. "Plus, I'm only half. The Muggleborns are the ones in the sticky spot here, not me. Don't you worry. Besides, it's not like anything's actually gonna happen with all the teacher's on the watch now after that whole Mrs Norris business."

"You reckon?" Michael questioned, raising an eyebrow. "You know, mate, I hate to break it to you, but if it really is Slytherin's monster, I don't think even teachers'd be able to do much – however shocking that might be to you that Professor McGonagall doesn't light the sun for you every morning."

"Bugger off," he said, throwing a cushion at his friend, who ducked. Padma just had time to remove her ink bottle from the table before the cushion flew past her half-finished essay.

"Where _is_ Anthony, anyway?" she muttered, exasperated – he was the only one who could get these two under some semblance of control.

"Library," Terry provided. "Had some crazy idea he might not get his Potions essay done in here, what with the victory celebrations and all. Don't know what he was talking about," he shrugged, looking around at the mild chaos.

"Bet you don't," Padma said, rolling her eyes. "I, however, do think he might have a point."

"Hey, you're no fun either! What's up with you people? Just 'cause we're Ravenclaws doesn't mean we have to study _all the time_," he called to her as she rose, shaking her head, but still grinning.

xxx

"Hi." Padma gave a cautious smile as she a few minutes later took a seat at Anthony's library table. He looked up at her, looking around to see if she'd brought the others and then, when he realized she had not, smiled a little and then nodded his greeting.

She had no idea how to interpret this. Had she been right in hesitating if they really were good enough friends for her to just join him like this? Had her sense that it would be rude not to sit down with him been wrong?

Well, she supposed it was too late now. Leaving was not an option. Even if they would just study, in complete silence. Awkward silence. _God, she really shouldn't have sat down here!_

It was hard to tell, though, with Anthony. She had of course spent a lot of time with him, seeing as he was Terry and Michael's best friend. But he wasn't the one who had taken her in as a protégé from day one, who teased her and joked with her and made her feel like she almost belonged. He was just sort of there. The two of them had never even had a conversation consisting of more than a couple of sentences about class alone together.

Padma wasn't sure if this was a coincidence. Perhaps it wasn't. Perhaps it was dislike from his part – or shyness. That would make sense. He wasn't nearly as outgoing as Terry and Michael. From her side, it was definitely that. Shyness, not dislike. She actually thought that she and Anthony could have a lot in common, if they did talk. But there was that whole thing with taking first steps to contact, and it wasn't really her strong suit.

With Michael and Terry, it was different. She could almost relax with them, because they were the ones who had come to her. Most of the time, it still worked that way. Even if she would never admit it to them, because she suspected they would be highly offended, she still sometimes kept in the background out of fear of being a burden or of interrupting some kind of guy moment. It might just be her being paranoid, but still… sometimes she couldn't shake of that feeling. And she knew, of course, that it was the three of them that were the best friends. She was just… there. Sometimes. When she wasn't off with Mandy and Lisa, or Parvati and Lavender. Or just off.

"You too give up on getting anything done up there?"

Padma nearly turned over her ink bottle for the second time that night as he suddenly spoke with a slightly strained voice, but a kind smile.

"Yeah," she nodded, relieved at having the silence broken. "It was getting kind of crazy."

"I figured," Anthony replied. "And Snape's essays aren't really what you wanna do when you're unfocused."

"No. They're not." And then that subject was out and the quiet was threatening to take over again. _Think Padma, think!_

"Um, so… who'd'you reckon might've written that Chamber stuff on the wall?" she blurted out. Anthony's mouth fell open, so she continued, her colour heightening. "I mean – well, do you think it's the real Heir of Slytherin or something, or just someone messing with us a bit, having a laugh?"

_Okay, so maybe it would have been better with the silence. _

He still stared at her, but had closed his mouth. After what seemed like an eternity, he spoke carefully. "I'm – not sure. I mean, I don't think there's a monster in the school – I mean, someone ought to have found it. I guess it might be someone having a laugh, trying to scare the Muggleborns and all. Maybe," he finished, looking pensive. "Probably that Malfoy kid, too. He seems like the kind to do that, doesn't he? I dunno if he's Slytherin's Heir, though. I mean, he might be – why not? He's family's all Slytherins, aren't they? And he did say something to that Hermione Granger about how she might be next, right after Mrs Norris."

She could merely nod as Anthony suddenly seemed to become aware that this was the longest conversation they'd ever had, cleared his throat and turned hastily back to his essay, mumbling something about how it was "just a theory".

xxx

More than once, Padma had cursed the fact that Hogwarts was filled with pairs, with the exception of a few trios (Michael, Anthony and Terry, Harry Potter and his gang, Draco Malfoy and his gang). Because, even if she wasn't left alone very often, it made her feel lonely, not being part of one of them. She had friends, sure, who she could talk to. Mandy and Lisa were all right, and Michael and Terry were even better. It was just that, sometimes, you don't only want people who you can hang out with if you happen to end up in the same place at the same time. You want someone who waits for you, always, and counts upon your presence. Always.

Padma had lately been watching the school extra carefully, counting in all the pairs and trying to notice anyone who was like her, not really a part of one. So far, she had only found that insane Luna Lovegood girl in her own house, who was a year below her too, and who had, when she had tried talking to her about the weather, started rambling about some weird creatures or monsters or something. She was definitely out.

As was Neville Longbottom, in Gryffindor. Not because he didn't seem nice enough. But as she had watched him, she had noticed that they had nothing whatsoever in common. She was very serious about her studying, and he just – wasn't talented. At all. Not that she would ever say that to his face, but it was the truth. And Padma couldn't help but remark how often the people who worked with him ended up in accidents of some sort. She didn't want to be that picky, but she preferred to keep her hair and nose as they were. Plus, she already missed one person in Gryffindor desperately, and knew exactly how few classes they shared. So a Gryffindor as a new friend wasn't exactly ideal.

Which definitely ruled out that first year Weasley-girl, who did look lonely and frightened enough to suit Padma. But she was also in Gryffindor, and not even in Padma's year. They'd never see each other.

Other than that, everyone had already been swiped up by someone else before she gotten over the shock of Hogwarts enough to even start looking. (Sometimes she wondered if maybe, if Harry Potter hadn't taken her first, Hermione Granger could've been a good choice for a friend. From what she saw and heard from Parvati, she was a lot like herself – smart, studious, not very girly… It was too late now, though. Plus, which House was she in, if not _Gryffindor!_)

Padma sighed to herself as she hurried along the Great Hall to the Gryffindor table. The times she sought out her sister like this were rare. Lately, she had even stopped sitting with her and Lavender in every class they shared together. Not because she didn't miss her sister, obviously, but because she had seen the dark looks from Lavender too many times not to take the hint.

This, however, was different, and she didn't hesitate before creeping up next to her sister and taking her hand.

"You've heard?" Parvati questioned in a low voice, seeing her expression.

Padma nodded, then turned to glance up and down the table. "Is it true? Was it a boy from here?"

Lavender piped up, nodding solemnly, seemingly not comfortable with the silent communication between the two twins. "Yeah. Colin Creevey. A first year. It happened last night, they say."

"He was so _tiny_," Parvati whispered, still looking directly into her twin's eyes. "I can't believe the teachers couldn't do anything…"

xxx

The whispers were all over the school. Even Michael and Terry had shrugged, not knowing what to believe. Again, Padma hurried over to the Gryffindor table.

This time, Parvati's eyes filled with tears as she caught sight of her.

"He was kind of cute, wasn't he?" she whispered, clutching her sister's hand.

"Not was." Padma shook her head. "Justin's not dead, just petrified."

"I know," Parvati sniffled. "But still."

Padma saw the unspoken; _what if they can't wake him up?_

"What do you think about – about what everyone's saying?" Padma asked so quietly that only Parvati could hear her, glancing furtively at the place along the table where Potter and his friends were sitting.

Her sister's eyes widened. "You don't think it's Harry, do you?"

Padma simply shot another involuntary glance towards the boy, who was eating, chatting with his friends as if nothing was wrong. Could he really be doing this? She bit her lip and turned back to her sister, asking the question with her eyes.

"It's not him," Parvati stated firmly. "It can't be."

"How can you be – well, so sure?"

Padma hadn't heard Lavender arrive, but it was her surly voice that responded. "Because _some_ of us don't mistrust our friends."

Padma raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know you two were that close to Potter."

"We're not," Parvati hurried to interrupt, sensing the conflict in the air. "But we know him, and he just – he wouldn't do it. I'm sure of it."

**A/N: **Let me know what you think, okay?


	3. Third Year

**A/N: **I just want to thank everyone who has read and reviewed so far. This is another background chapter. The next one will be both longer and there'll be a bit more going on, with the Yule Ball… Anyway, for now, I hope you'll like this!

_**3. Third Year**_

It had only been two weeks since their first hand-holding session, and yet the suddenly tall Terry and well-developed Mandy were starting to show a freakish likening to a pair of conjoined twins. That was to say, a pair of conjoined twins who tried to eat each other's faces most of the time. Which would be _really _odd.

Padma could not hold back a small smile at the way her mind worked. This was met by Lisa, who was sitting opposite of her in the common room, the colour of her cheeks slightly heightened as she tried to keep her eyes off the general area of her friend and her boyfriend, whose kisses were definitely going open-mouthed by now.

"So, how are you doing on that Herbology assignment?" Padma asked, pointedly changing the subject.

"Could be doing better," Lisa admitted, grinning sheepishly back.

"Kind of distracting, isn't it?" Anthony agreed, putting down his quill with a glare at his oblivious friend.

Michael was the one that took matters into his own hands. "Oi! Snoggers!"

Mandy turned, out of breath, still placed on Terry's lap, looking at him questioningly. "Did you want something?"

"Just make a suggestion: _get a room_! Please. For the sake of our grades _and_ peaces of mind."

Terry glared sharply at his friend, muttering something incoherent.

Mandy, however, simply shot him a radiant smile. "You jealous, are you, ickle Mikey? I bet Padma could give you a kiss if you asked her nicely."

In a second, Michael was silenced and Padma's face was on fire. Her job successfully done, Mandy leaned back into Terry's waiting lips.

"If only that Black thing wasn't keeping us here, we'd at least be able to go to the bloody library or something," Michael muttered.

"You? In a library? Mike, has that ever even occurred?" Anthony chuckled.

"Once or twice," Michael shrugged. "Even if I don't have my own personal bed there, as some of us appear to."

"Hey, don't lash out on me, just 'cause Mandy insulted your manhood," Anthony said, holding up his arms in defence.

"She did no such – Padma, Lisa, please inform this misguided soul that Mandy did _not_ insult my manhood."

The two girls exchanged a look of amusement. Lisa's eyes then glanced over at Anthony, who nodded vigorously at them both behind Michael's back, and she gave a small giggle (which tended to be her reaction around these boys most of the time, as she wasn't very accustomed to this close proximity to individuals of the male gender).

"I'm staying _way_ out of this," Padma declared, shaking her head.

"Fine," muttered Michael. "Fine. Any of you up to giving me a proper snog just to prove a point?"

This time, Lisa broke down completely in a fit of giggles.

"I think we'll pass, thanks," Padma grinned, winking at him playfully.

Michael simply grunted in response, turning back to his barely started essay. Three minutes later, he was sporting his best pleading expression, turning first to Padma, then to Anthony, asking to copy theirs.

After only a couple of minutes, in which Michael had ended up on his knees in front of Anthony's chair, and gave them a whole sob story about how absolutely impossible it was for him to focus when his manhood was threatened and hot girls refused to make out with him and even take his side against his evil, evil friend, Anthony caved, laughingly telling Michael that he could copy the rest of his assignment.

Padma gaped at him in mock shock.

Anthony shrugged. "His manhood was threatened today. You gotta cut the guy some slack."

xxx

"I am going to _kill_ her," Lavender muttered to herself. Padma almost smirked, except that she felt Lavender's shallow breathing and trembling hands and knew this wasn't the time for that. Plus, she wasn't really the smirking type. Not outwards, anyway. She did it in her head a lot, but usually stopped her lips just in time.

It was just last night, after all, that Sirius Black had been breaking into the school. And he had escaped, again, despite all those highly creepy Dementors floating around. So she supposed it was understandable that Lavender was a bit hysterical. Especially as it was dark outside and the corridors were almost empty, since almost everyone was already in the Great Hall. Except for the two of them.

It was all Parvati's fault, really. The three of them had been studying in the library, forgotten the time, and then – just as they were about to leave, Parvati had gone off to the bathroom, insisting that neither of them come with her, that they should just go to the Great Hall without her. Padma had seen the glint in her eye too, that glint that meant she was up to something.

Her plan seemed to be failing completely, though. She and Lavender hadn't said a word to each other since the one person they had in common had left them on their own.

Right then, something creaked ahead of them. Lavender jumped, holding her hand to her mouth to keep herself from screaming.

"Relax. It was probably just a suit of armour or something," Padma said, trying to sound patient.

Lavender merely huffed, walking on carefully, muttering something like "and how can you be so sure?".

Padma was just about to start another round of trying to calm Lavender down when a tall, male figure jumped out in front of them from the shadows.

Simultaneously, the two girls grabbed each other's hands and stood, petrified, staring at – a roaring Marcus Flint, who wheezed something about how ridiculously easy it was to scare these frightened little girlies as he turned and walked away from them, still chuckling.

"Maybe we shouldn't stay here," Padma mumbled after a few moments, as her heart rate was gradually beginning to slow down.

Lavender simply nodded, seemingly still too shaken for speech. She was still clutching Padma's hand, and made no indication that she was about to let go any time soon. And actually, as they walked along, their ears taking in every rasp and scrape of the castle, their eyes squinting into every dark corner, Padma was quite thankful for this.

When they entered the lightness and warmth of the Great Hall, they quickly let go of each other and sprinted off towards their respective House tables. But Padma's eyes sought Parvati out, and met her very pleased grin.

Padma merely rolled her eyes at her. If her sister thought an almost three year long rivalry for her attention would be magically solved after one incident, she was probably a little too hopeful. Still, maybe something had changed between them. Something very, very small, but still.

xxx

"You were only together for a month, mate. And weren't you yourself talking about how hot Hannah Abbott was looking just yesterday?" Michael reminded him, putting a consoling hand on Terry's knee.

"Not saying I wanted to break up with her for that, was I? I was just saying, so that maybe one of _you_ could – y'know. Plus, she _did_ look hot," Terry said, but then his face sank again. "But that girl's so obviously got a crush on Macmillan it's a wonder they're not mounting each other already. And I still can't _believe_ that bitch dumped me, just like that!"

"Well, you did sort of forget her birthday," Anthony pointed out fairly.

"You guys do know you're like _the_ worst comforters in the history of break-ups, don't you?" Terry pouted, shuffling his food around a bit on the plate in front of him.

"Look," said Padma, sighing and forcing him to meet her gaze. "We all know she wasn't the one for you, because you have nothing whatsoever in common, really, and all you did was snog. But she was still your first girlfriend, and since these two have never even been close to holding a girl's hand, they don't have a say," she added, shutting them both up quite effectively. "She was your first girlfriend, and of course it's not fun when that ends, so you have the right to pout today. Tomorrow, however, we want you back, flirting with anything female that moves again, okay?"

Terry nodded, and for a moment, there wasn't a cocky guy staring back at her, but a kind of hurt boy. Not sure how to respond to this, or if she might have imagined it since his expression was back to normal the next second, she merely grabbed his shoulder and squeezed it a little, wondering fleetingly about that sort of lurch in her stomach.

**A/N: **Let me know what you think, okay?


	4. Fourth Year

_**4. Fourth Year**_

She had spent over an hour getting ready. She had had high hopes that this night would be special, magical. And now – _this_!

Well, at first the idea of a ball had merely freaked Padma out, big time. Because at a ball, you were supposed to have dates. And that was easier said than done.

At first, Padma had hoped that one of her three boys would ask her (as nothing more than a friend, obviously), so that she'd have a guaranteed nice night with someone she was comfortable with. Then, she had for the first time really started paying attention to the other guys in the school, and noticed with shock that they were eyeing her back more than normally as well. A faint possibility of something more than a friendly date appeared, and for a couple of days, she put on a bit of mascara and tried to not stare at the floor as soon as she ended up in the vicinity of an unknown boy.

On the fifth day, one of the boys she recognized from Beauxbatons walked up to her as she left the library alone. He was much taller than she was, and already had some growth on his upper lip. He wasn't even a boy, he was basically a man, and he was smiling at _her_ appreciatively. For a moment, her heart nearly stopped. Then, he started speaking in a stuttering English and after a couple of compliments, he looked deep into her eyes, leaning closer and saying in a husky whisper; "What do you zeenk about coming to zee ball weez me, Parvati?"

Blinking back tears, she turned and ran, leaving him stunned. But she didn't care. All she kept thinking as she ran was that she should have known that no one would be interested in _her_. Of course the first boy who ever paid her any attention had to mistake her for Parvati, the always smiling and flirting and fun Parvati. Not her – boring, studious Padma. Obviously. (But she wasn't that smart, was she? If she had been, she wouldn't have assumed he was actually interested in _her_.)

After this incident, she kept her eyes averted more than normally. For a week, she couldn't even talk about the ball. Before she was ready to even start considering the date problem again, she found a speechless, pale Lisa and a giggling Mandy in their dormitory, and Mandy excitedly told her every detail of how cute Anthony had looked, stammering out his invitation to Lisa. As Padma gave Lisa, who appeared to be experiencing some difficulties breathing, what she hoped was a reassuring smile, Mandy also told her happily that she had persuaded Terry into taking her as a friend date, since all the other boys were way too immature for her. Padma's smile this time was even more strained, but she took the unpleasant sensation in her stomach only to be caused by the fact that Michael now was her only hope.

The next day, she plucked up the courage to very casually ask him who he was taking to the ball, crossing her fingers that he wouldn't already be taken. Michael, however, saw right through her, and told her with a grimace that he had already promised to take his third-year Hufflepuff cousin, since all of her friends were going and she wouldn't have been able to go otherwise. Forcing a smile and a "it's fine" as Michael did promise her a dance, she felt her stomach drop. She would have to go to the ball alone. She was really _that_ pathetic, and now everyone else would see it, too…

What she had thought was her rescue had come with her sister a couple of days later, when she had enthusiastically told Padma that she had got them both dates, and that she, Parvati, would be going with Harry Potter.

"That'll show Dean, that git", she had muttered. "I mean, it would've even made perfect sense for him to ask me, since his best friend is taking _my_ best friend. But no…" Padma swallowed back the hurt that she still thought of Parvati as her own best friend, and instead went on to ask about the boy she was supposed to be going with.

Parvati had had a pretty unconvincing tone when she told her sister that this Ron _was_ kind of cute, and nice, but Padma had not suspected this. She had assumed that it was just Parvati's high standards speaking. She had of course seen Ron Weasley in classes sometimes, and he was indeed decent-looking and seemed like he would make an okay date. So, she had given him a chance and she had gotten her hopes up, starting to imagine the dancing and the good food and the hand-holding and the possibility of a kiss goodnight.

And now, she was sitting here with a boy who evidently was fancying another girl (which was hard to miss, since he had spent the entire evening unashamedly first gawping at her in amazement and then glaring at her and her Quidditch star date), and who hadn't paid her the slightest bit of attention. He hadn't even looked at her when she greeted him. Sure, she herself had been a bit sceptical at the first impression of his frayed robes, but then she had tried more than once to start up a conversation. All her attempts had failed completely.

As they walked in, she had still had the hope that he would start to notice her once Fleur Delacour was out of his sight, so she had, her heart fluttering nervously, let her hand dingle right next to his so that he would have the chance to grab it if he wanted to. But he didn't even appear to notice this, as he was still craning his neck, muttering something about that Hermione Granger had to be around there somewhere.

She had tried to pass this off as boyish obliviousness, and so had started talking, commenting the beautiful decorations. He had merely replied, airily, that sure, it looked fine. Then he had stopped mid-sentence, to simply stare open-mouthed as he at last located the girl he really would have wanted to take.

They had barely spoken during the dinner, and Padma had given Parvati a desperate look. Her sister had returned it, rolling her eyes in exasperation. Her date didn't appear to be paying her much attention either.

In relief, Padma realized that it was time for the first dance of the evening. Surely, not even Ron would be so rude as to not ask his date to dance at least once, would he? She soon was forced to realize that this hope had been naïve onto the brink of stupidity. Sighing audibly, she shot him another pointed glance. And yet – nothing! No reaction whatsoever.

When Parvati and Harry joined their table after only one dance, Padma couldn't feel sympathetic for her sour-looking sister – she was too relieved for some company, finally. Parvati was even more indiscreet with her disapproval of her date's inattentiveness than she had been, and yet Harry seemed as oblivious as his friend. Padma followed his longing gaze and found Cho, dancing closely wrapped with Cedric Diggory.

After merely a few minutes, however, the Beauxbatons boy who had mistaken her for Parvati came up to them, pointing between them and starting to apologize for his blunder when Padma gave him a pleading look and he stopped talking, instead turning to the one he recognized as Parvati (the one who smiled widely at him instead of looking panicky) and offering her his hand. After having received no protest from Harry, she left with him. Padma could hear her giggles through the crowd, and could not bring herself to be glad that one of them suddenly had a better time. At least for a little while they had been miserable together.

It felt as though everyone but her was having a good time (well, except for Ron and Harry, but they didn't count, because they were insensitive _boys_ who only had themselves to blame for their misery). Padma only wanted the night to be over, but she couldn't simply leave. Even if Ron had been rude to her, she couldn't do that to him. It wasn't really his fault. Well, it was, but she could see he was truly heartbroken, and she just didn't have the heart to let his girl see him sitting here abandoned.

But then she witnessed their argument, in which he as clearly as you can without actually saying the words "I am mind-blowingly jealous" showed his longing for Hermione, and enough had to be enough. Padma hesitated, considering simply going to bed, but then she caught Parvati's eye. Her sister caught her expression and waved her over. Before she knew it, the Beauxbatons boy's friend was introducing himself to her as Jean-Luc, and then they were dancing. Close. Really close. She could feel his breath on her neck as he spoke in a low voice.

"You look very pretty zis evening."

"Thanks," she whispered, not knowing what else to say. Should she compliment him back? How did you do that with a guy? Could you tell him he looked cute too? Handsome? Nice? Beautiful? Hot? Padma swallowed, knowing what Parvati would have said, very aware that she could never ever say _that_ to a boy who was, in fact, three years older than her, and very, _very_ hot.

Instead she said nothing. Jean-Luc didn't seem to mind, though. He merely guided her even closer to him, so that their chests were touching, and then he looked into her eyes and then –

The song switched. To a really, really fast one. With an apologetic grin, Jean-Luc let go of her waist and took her hand instead, starting to dance to this song instead. Their moment was broken, and as the music was way too loud for any kind of conversation, Padma took this opportunity to look around.

Just a few feet away from her was Parvati. She and her Beauxbatons boy hadn't bothered about the changing of songs – Parvati was still leaning her head on his shoulder. Next to her were Cho and Cedric, the expressions on both faces almost disgustingly romantic. Padma's eyes searched for a few more familiar faces, and soon located them. Anthony and Lisa were dancing very stiffly, both blushing but grinning at each other as soon as their eyes met, accidentally. Terry and Mandy were jumping around nearly as violently as those Gryffindor Quidditch players (Angelina was the girl, she thought, and the boy was one of those Weasley twins, who the Sorting Hat had had the nerve of putting together).

Michael was harder to find. First she discovered his cousin in a corner with her rosy-cheeked friends, close to where Hannah Abbott was enveloped by Ernie's arms. Then she saw him, at the other end of the dance floor. He was dancing with the Weasley girl, and – she noticed with such surprise she actually stepped her partner on the toes – he was smiling, more broadly than she had ever witnessed before, and yet there was something highly awkward about him, almost shy. And if there was one thing Michael Corner wasn't usually, it was shy. Grinning a little to herself at the thought that both Michael and Anthony seemed to be on their way to not being completely inexperienced in the girl area, she turned back to Jean-Luc, who met her small smile immediately.

For the rest of the night, he didn't release her. Once, she told him that she was thirsty (while, really, she was just getting an overdose of excitement and nervousness at the close proximity with this highly attractive boy – especially after she had already deemed the night out as the worst night of her life just half an hour earlier), but he protested when she offered to go get them herself, and never did let go of her hand as they went together. It felt sort of nice, in a way, even if it was a little odd, too.

(As did his kiss goodnight, that was surprising, new, tingling and just a little bit wet.)

xxx

"You _what_?" Parvati gaped at her.

"I broke it off with Jean-Luc, yesterday," Padma repeated calmly.

"But – but _why_?"

"Well, as we did have nothing in common, and all we had to talk about was how pretty he thought I was…"

"I'm sure he was just trying to be nice," Parvati said, still staring at her sister as though she was an alien, at least.

Padma shrugged. She was sure about her decision. She'd given it a lot of thought before she actually ended it, but while it had been nice to have someone to hold hands with, to meet up with in Hogsmeade and to send playful smiles to in the corridors – well, the concept had been much more enjoyable than Jean-Luc himself. He had of course been handsome, and pretty nice to kiss (she assumed he was a good kisser, even if she really had nothing to compare him to).

"Haven't you _seen_ him?" Parvati groaned, interrupting his thoughts. "He's seventeen and _hot_! What's wrong with you?"

"You take him then and just listen to him go on about how beautiful you are, knowing that that's the only reason he wants you. It's not that much fun, really." Her voice came out a bit shriller than she had meant to.

Parvati dropped her exasperated expression and softened quickly. "You okay?"

Padma nodded. "Yeah. Just fine," she sighed, picking up her books. "I'm going to bed, all right?"

It hadn't been right. She knew this. She knew that she had barely been able to speak in front of him, and he had done nothing spectacular to keep the conversation going either. Instead, he'd just kissed her to escape the silence. That wasn't right.

Yet… Anthony had Lisa now, and even if Terry and Mandy weren't officially back on, they were pretty flirty, still. And Michael and Ginny were so awkward and overly polite around each other, it was obvious they'd be all over each other any day now.

While Parvati still hadn't gotten anywhere with Dean Thomas (as she constantly complained about), that should only be a matter of time. Plus, she had Lavender. Who for that matter seemed to be just steps away from making it official with Seamus.

Padma sighed as she entered the common room, finding Anthony and Lisa sharing a seat in the corner, Terry and Mandy playing a very loud game of wizard's chess and Michael mysteriously missing.

It had been nice, she had to admit, to have someone. Even if that someone very clearly shouldn't be Jean-Luc.

xxx

A boy was dead. A boy she had seen in the halls, in the Great Hall, cheered for in the Tournament. A boy she had categorized as handsome – even she, who usually didn't categorize boys at all. A boy she had watched at the Yule Ball, with love in his eyes.

He was dead. And she simply couldn't comprehend it.

He was dead, and she was crying harder than she could remember, ever. It took a while for her to register whose arms it was that had caught her. Then she recognized Terry's shaky breath in her hair, his glasses against the top of her head. The fleeting thought fluttered through her head that she had never been this close to him before. (Michael, she had hugged. Never Terry. Not like this.)

Gulping, she raised her head slightly to look around. Hearing a piercing scream from the right, she turned left, not wanting to witness Cho's agony. Instead, she saw Ginny Weasley's shocked, frozen body being enveloped by Michael's arms, and the pale face of Anthony simply staring straight ahead as Mandy embraced the sobbing Lisa.

She could still hear Cho's yells, for Cedric, asking him to come back, to answer her. She looked up into Terry's set face, searching him for some kind of answer. Not having one, he simply held her tighter.

**A/N: **Next up we have Dumbledore's Army and more and more romance. First, though, let me know what you think of this!


	5. Fifth Year

**A/N: **Kind of long chapter, I know. But I didn't want to split it up, since it's still way shorter than the sixth and seventh year, and well, it should all be together. It didn't make sense to split it up anywhere. So, yes, here we go.

Also, I'm writing another story, _**Falling In Love, Falling Apart**_, where I'll be exploring Ginny and Michael's relationship a bit further than I could fit in here. So, if you're interested, I got the first chapter up now.

_**Fifth Year: **_

"Okay, this is – weird," Anthony stated with a half-chuckle.

"It shouldn't be, though," Padma offered, smiling a little. "It's just that we've never really happened to be alone since…"

"You mean since that time in the library in second year when I made a complete fool of myself, rambling on and being more awkward than what should be allowed in civilized rooms," he finished for her, raising his eyebrows.

"I wasn't much better. If we're being all honest, I was kind of intimidated by you back then," she confessed, a flush creeping onto her face despite willing herself against it.

"You were intimidated by _me_? You're kidding? _I_ was bloody petrified by _you_ back then. I mean, not that you've stopped being – well, gorgeous – now, but it's not me who gets all choked up by it these days," he finished off with a mysterious grin.

When she had recovered somewhat from the shock of his compliments and the even deeper blush, she stopped in her tracks. "Wait a moment," she said slowly. "You said it's not _you_ who gets all – whatever – by me now. That means – does that mean there's someone else who does?"

"Would you look at the time?" he said, still grinning but completely ignoring her question. "We don't want to be late for our first Prefects meeting now, do we?"

Looking around the room as they arrived, she suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable, again, being here with Anthony. In one corner, Pansy Parkinson was basically drooling over a self-satisfied Draco Malfoy. In the other, Hannah's hand was hidden in Ernie's. And then there was Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, who, while not touching in any way and as far as Parvati had informed Padma were not together yet, there had to be simply a matter of time (even if she hadn't had Parvati's observant word for this _and_ her own highly unpleasant first-hand accounts from the Yule Ball, she would not have doubted it from the way they both kept glancing at each other when they thought the other one wasn't noticing it). And this, while she was here with Anthony, her friend who had just confessed that he had once fancied her…

As they walked back to the common room, Padma hesitated, but did not ask again what Anthony had meant by his hint. Instead, she tried to shake off the weirdness of being in his company alone – after all, it shouldn't be very odd since they did spend so much time together with others and had been talking freely directly to each other at least since last year.

"How's it going with Lisa?" she asked him, even though she knew, really. "Still just friends, are you?"

"Well – we did kind of drift apart last year. I dunno. Guess it just wasn't right."

"I know what you mean," she mumbled, and he nodded sharply.

"Yeah. I never did like that Jean-Luc bloke. Neither did Mike or Terr, you know. We were just a bit too – well, _I _was a bit too tactful to avoid pointing it out, and I made them keep their mouths shut too."

"Well, you _were_ right about him," she smiled. "But thanks, anyway."

xxx

"So, we're gonna be learning Defence from a bloke who's in our own year?" Michael raised his eyebrow. "Well, that's gotta do some good for the pride, isn't it?"

Ginny gave him a sharp look. "If _you_ don't want to learn, no one's forcing you. I was just telling you about it because I think it's a brilliant idea, and I thought you guys should be given this opportunity too, since I kind of don't want you to be murdered by Death Eaters. But if you're not so fussed about that…" she trailed off, and he sighed, shaking his head a little, thinking.

"It's not just any bloke," Terry pointed out after a moment. "It's _Harry Potter_, isn't it? That's not the same as – you know, anyone."

"And you don't seem too bothered about that when you're trying to take a peak at my essays, constantly," Anthony smirked.

"Parvati says he's really good," Padma added, earning a small smile from Ginny.

"He is," she nodded. "Oh, come off it, don't look like a mistreated puppy." She rolled her eyes at Michael. "He's just a friend, and he's talented. It's a fact, and if you don't believe me – come along and see for yourself."

He was silent for a couple of seconds, glaring moodily into his goblet. "Fine," he muttered. "I'll give him a shot. But if he starts treating us like we're being graded or something..."

Ginny rolled hers eyes at him, but leaned in for a quick peck on the lips. "You won't regret this," she mumbled before sprinting back to the Gryffindor table. "And neither will you!" she called back to the others, grinning.

Padma wasn't too sure about that. Trouble had never exactly been her friend, and even if she knew this wasn't technically breaking any rules, she also knew that it would not be appreciated by Umbridge, who quite frankly frightened her to death.

Terry seemed to catch her expression and briefly put his hand on her arm. (Was it her imagination, or had he started touching her a lot more lately? Or had she simply never noticed it before she started getting that weird, tingling sensation, like a comfortable burn, wherever he had touched her?) "You worry too much," he said, with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I know," she half-grinned, resisting the urge to feel the place his hand had just left in amazement.

"Stop," he said, but it was more of a request than a command.

"I'll try," she said, but couldn't shake off the feeling that she didn't quite know what she was getting herself into here. She couldn't back out, though. She knew that Parvati would love this idea, if she hadn't already heard it. And Terry, Michael and Anthony wanted to do it, so then she would too. She wouldn't be a coward. Even if the stupid hat had singled her out as a coward who couldn't be in Gryffindor with her twin, she wouldn't just accept that. This was for real, and she knew that she needed to learn to defend herself. It was just – scary. (It didn't help a lot either when Mandy and Lisa turned down the offer from Michael to accompany them with those dark glances at each other. It didn't help at all.)

xxx

"Seamus still not coming around, eh?" Terry asked Dean Thomas casually at their third DA meeting.

Dean shook his head, holding out his arms, showing that he had given up that fight.

Parvati gave Lavender's arm a small squeeze as her features darkened. "But he's being so stupid!" she blurted out, a slight desperation to her voice. "This is _important_, and he shouldn't…"

"He'll come around eventually, I s'ppose," Dean sighed. "He's being stubborn, but he'll get over it," he said, leaving out the obvious "I hope" as his eyes glided over Ginny's curves. From Parvati's suddenly sour expression, Padma could tell that this had not gone unnoticed by her.

At that point, Harry entered the room. They fell silent, and Padma was still amazed at how impressive he seemed, being their leader, teaching them stuff – even when they were in his year, or even older as some were. It was really quite odd, but she supposed she shouldn't question it. He was better than them, and he was a good teacher, so she'd probably do best simply trusting him, listening to him.

As they paired up, she noticed that Terry, again, ended up working near her and Parvati. This week, Terry was working with Michael, who did do a lot better when he wasn't trying to curse his girlfriend, but who also was doing exceptionally well, seeing as Terry usually was the more talented of the two. Terry, for some reason, seemed unfocused. And weren't his eyes sticking to the pair of them a bit more often than what would be considered normal?

Right then he met her eyes, then flickered his gaze over to Parvati, flashing a grin. "How's it going, ladies?"

"Just fine," Parvati said, consciously flipping back her head so that her hair swirled around her neck, checking without turning her head if Dean was looking. "_You_ probably should be paying a tiny bit more attention to something other than us ladies, though," she said with a giggle when he the next second was lying Stunned on the floor.

"Yeah," Michael smirked, looking down on his friend, highly pleased with himself as he undid the jinx and extended his hand to help him up. "A bit more work, a bit less play, huh?"

For some reason, Terry flushed briefly, which only made Michael smirk even wider and Parvati wink at him playfully.

xxx

"Good work today, ladies," Terry greeted Padma and Parvati with a smile as he casually strolled over to the two girls, who were just packing up their things to leave the Room of Requirement. Padma noticed how Parvati immediately rose, twirling her hair, grinning like she did when she wanted to impress someone. With an unfamiliar lurch in her stomach, she searched the room for Dean and realized he was nowhere to be found.

"Very good," Parvati nodded, still grinning.

"Yeah," Padma forced herself to contribute, even if she felt she would have rather just left the two of them alone – if that had not been way too obvious. Plus, it wasn't as if she had anyone to go to. Anthony had already left, Ginny and Michael were only one step away from full-on snogging in the corner, Hannah and Ernie appeared to be having some very serious "the talk" (Padma thought she could see both their eyes glittering), and she did not know the Weasley twins nor Harry and his friends very well. This left her with only the so obviously flirting Parvati, and Terry. _Her_ friend.

"You ready to go?" Terry suddenly brought her out of her ponderings by the question. "Mike doesn't look like he'll be coming up for air very soon."

"Yes," she said, way too enthusiastically. Parvati gave her a suspicious look, but Padma forced a smile and avoided her gaze. Soon, Parvati's eyes were back on the recently both even taller and more broad-shouldered Terry.

"See you around then," she smiled. As she turned to leave, she made sure to bump into him, only slightly.

"You okay there?" he asked Padma as she had apparently frozen, staring after her sister.

"Yeah, yeah. Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" She once again forced a grin, but Terry kept sending her searching glances all the way back to the common room.

xxx

This shouldn't bother her. It wasn't as if she had feelings for Terry, or anything. It wasn't as if she owned him. And if Parvati was moving on from Dean, it was probably a good thing, with the way he hadn't invited her to the Yule Ball and even more so with the way he was goggling at Ginny these days (she seemed oblivious, though, even if Michael surely wasn't – this had caused one or two rows already).

Yet, none of that kept Padma from dreading the DA meetings more and more as they returned to school after the Christmas holidays.

That was when it happened. They were supposed to be practicing Shield Charms, but Padma's eyes kept straying over to Terry's hand waving the wand, his mouth as he blew the bangs out of his face, his eyes that met hers. And that was when she collided with Parvati, who hadn't been paying attention to where she was jumping as she dodged Lavender's Charm.

Since their heads were exactly the same height, they also hit each other, forehead to forehead. The blinding, sharp pain caused Padma's knees to give way. With a thud and a groan, she heard Parvati land right next to her.

Lavender's squeak was blocked out by a deeper voice, yet more high-pitched than normal; "Padma? You okay? You hurt?"

Forcing her eyes open and forcing herself to blink away the water that had assembled there, she met Terry's concerned ones. For a moment, she was too taken aback by the amount of emotion she met in there to reply. Then his hand – his beautiful, perfect, thin, small hand – grabbed hers, removing it from her throbbing forehead. "Let me see," he mumbled.

"It's nothing," she whispered as she had now regained her voice. "It's fine."

"You sure?" he questioned doubtfully, still not letting go of her hand.

She nodded, and bit her lip to keep herself from wincing.

"You're not," he stated. "C'mon, let's get you back to the common room. I'll walk you."

She didn't protest, simply let him help her to her feet and accompany her back to the Ravenclaw tower without a second glance at Parvati, who instead was helped to her feet by a very mothering Lavender.

xxx

"You're not okay," Anthony said in a low voice.

"Yeah, mate. Anything we'll do for you, but right now, you can't pretend you're okay." Even if Terry's words were light, his tone wasn't, and Padma unwillingly felt her heart swelling a bit as she watched the genuine concern in his gaze.

Giving a humourless chuckle that was more of a sigh, Michael dropped his head into his hands, shaking it slowly.

"It was my fault," he mumbled after a beat during which all three of them held their breaths. "I think I knew, somewhere, that she was never really – but she kept saying she was into me, and no one else. She thought I was getting too – too paranoid about it, I guess… But I just couldn't shake it off, and then today, I _snapped_. And she – she thinks it's just because of the game. I – I could care less about the fucking game!"

"I know," Padma whispered, firmly grabbing his slightly trembling hand as both Terry and Anthony were looking to her in desperation. "I know."

Slowly, as the seconds passed by and Padma's encouraging glances at the two boys became more and more insistent, they started to move. Terry was first to place his hand on Michael's shoulder, but Anthony wasn't far behind.

xxx

It had only been a week since Michael had been heartbroken about Ginny Weasley. In all theory, he could not have moved on already. He should not, and he could not. Anthony and Terry were wholeheartedly in agreement about this – that whatever thing he had started with Cho Chang could not be anything less than unhealthy.

Terry and Michael had actually got into an argument about it, when Terry persisted in his standpoint that the relationship was self-destructive and a horrible idea. Anthony had told Padma about it the following morning, telling her pointedly to try and fix this, somehow.

That was yesterday, and Michael still refused to speak to Terry. Padma didn't know how to make it right. She had spoken to both of them, but while Terry had obviously meant well and was still worried about his friend, he was not prepared to grovel for forgiveness when he still believed he was in the right. And Michael – well, he was still hurting after Ginny, that much was obvious, and even if he and Cho weren't for real, Padma detected sincerity in his words that he needed her right now.

Despite herself, she couldn't really bring herself to scold him, even mentally, for his behaviour. Well, for his behaviour towards Terry she had no problem telling him off to his face (and the third time she did it, three days after the falling out, she knew she saw hesitation behind his eyes and that she thereby had succeeded). But about Cho…

Despite herself, a part of her envied his carelessness, his spontaneity, his selfishness. The way he just did what he wanted, and maybe needed, and stopped caring if it was better in the long term or if it might not be accepted by everyone else. He just did it.

She could understand it. Because Terry's hair had grown longer this year and it looked _so_ good always falling into his eyes so that he had to remove it with his hands. Hands that looked soft, somehow, in a way a guy's hand very rarely did. Padma could just not stop herself from imagining those hands touching her hair instead, holding her hand, stroking her cheek… And there were also his eyes, nearly always laughing, and there were his glasses, and his chest and his still broadening shoulders…

And despite herself, Padma couldn't help wishing she could be more brave and crazy and irrational and just push him up a wall or something and not bother, not care that she might be risking her friendship with these three boys that meant everything to her, and that she might also be hurting her sister who had been eyeing him all year.

The problem was, she cared. A lot. Because he wasn't just a random handsome boy. He was _Terry_.

So she could understand Michael, and she couldn't disapprove. So what if Cho was the most messed-up girl in Ravenclaw, mourning over one dead boyfriend and barely over the next? So what – Michael wasn't over his ex either! If it helped them, to be together, if they wanted to – why should it be wrong?

Still, a huge weight lifted from her heart on the fourth day, when she saw Michael and Terry coming down to breakfast, laughing heartily about something or other. Together. And the way Terry grinned gratefully at her when they sat down next to her warmed her even more.

**A/N: **What did you think?


	6. Sixth Year, Part I

**A/N: **Sorry it's been a while. This is the first part of sixth year, and there will probably be around three to five more. Oh, and if you haven't, you're very welcome to check out my other story that complements this one, _**Falling In Love, Falling Apart **_that focuses on Ginny and Michael's relationship. Now, onto the story!

_**Sixth year**__**. Part I.**_

The five of them were sitting in front of the common room fire. Cho was placed on Michael's lap, leaning her head against his shoulder. Her eyes weren't puffy or red. They hadn't been, much, since they returned after the summer holidays. But Padma wouldn't exactly call her cheery, either. She mostly just clung to Michael, like now, and rarely spoke up when his friends were around. Padma had made the effort to try and get to know the girl better a couple of times, with only partial success in a few smiles and a bit of small talk and nothing more.

Right now, Terry and Anthony were exchanging glances that were supposed to be discreet, but weren't. Just a few hours ago, they'd all had it very clearly confirmed that the rumours about Ginny Weasley and Dean Thomas were a lot more than just gossip (Padma had of course known this for a while through Parvati's bitter complaints about it, but she had refrained from mentioning it, not sure how it would be taken by Ginny's ex-boyfriend).

"You know, guys, it's fine," Michael spoke up finally, with a small smirk on his lips.

Terry almost jumped out of his chair, and Anthony immediately began to stutter that he didn't know what he was talking about.

But Michael only shook his head, still grinning (but Padma noticed with concern that there was something off about it). "It's _fine_. I really don't give a rat's arse about whatever Thomas and Weasley are doing. I've got Cho now," he finished, putting his hand over her cheek. (But Padma knew she was not the only one who noted the sudden use of both Ginny and Dean's last names.)

Terry and Anthony both nodded slowly, but there was a question in their eyes that Padma suspected meant this conversation would continue later, out of earshot of Michael's current girlfriend. For the moment though, they dropped it.

The conversation ended up addressing much more trivial matters. Padma didn't pay much attention, her thoughts on more important matters than the first Quidditch match of the season, or even homework. The issues of the world were bigger than that. You-Know-Who was back, and now everyone knew it. Even if she had believed it last year, it was worse like this; having it confirmed by the authorities. It made it far more real.

Of course she had been scared last year, too. Ever since Cedric's death, she had been worried. But now – it was worse than ever. Her parents pleading her and Parvati not to return to Hogwarts, warning them about how dangerous it'd be, telling them that they should be together, as a family, for what little time they might have left. Those words had caught hold of her, even if she had, at home, not given in to them. Because her friends were at Hogwarts (_Terry_ was here). And, plus, she knew that Parvati would never cave. Parvati was brave, and a Gryffindor. So Parvati was the one who had yelled at their parents, demanding that they let them go back, telling them it wasn't a negotiation. Padma just had to nod.

Had Parvati not been there, though, she suspected she would not have been strong enough to be here right now, defying her mother's tears and her father's heartbroken eyes. Those images and their words had haunted Padma ever since her return to the school. Every morning at breakfast, she held her breath, waiting for the post to arrive. Every night, she slept more and more uneasily. This particular day, she had only gotten a few hours of sleep, but spent a lot of time tossing and turning. And now, watching her friends, it did warm her heart that they were still here, still able to discuss Quidditch as if nothing was wrong. But she couldn't bring herself to actually listen.

After half an hour, though, Cho went to bed, and the three boys' attentions were suddenly all directed at her (so fast that she suspected they had been regarding her for a while, and had simply waited to confront her until they could have some privacy).

Anthony was the first to speak. "Where's your head at, Pad?"

She simply shrugged, but caved under the concerned eyes of Terry. "Nothing, really. Just everything. The – war, and all that. It's just – bad, now. And I can't stop worrying, you know." She gave a half-hearted smile that none of them bought.

After a beat, Michael spoke up. "I think you need a hug," he stated plainly, and before she knew it, his arms were lifting her up into the air for a few seconds, then placing her back into her chair. "Better?" he asked, grinning. Her smile was still not enough for him, so he went on. "No? Okay, then. Next!"

A glance was exchanged, and then Anthony's arms were placed clumsily around her, patting her back briefly, then letting go.

"Well, that was lame," Michael concluded. "Next!"

Padma's heart was suddenly beating way too hard against her ribs, and her throat was closing up and her mouth was dry as paper… And then she could feel Terry's muscular arms along her sides, his soft hands stroking her back and his chest pressed against her chest, because suddenly she was pulled to her feet and then her face wasn't in his shoulder that smelled of cologne and Terry anymore. His face was close to hers and his eyes were glittering behind the glasses and then those glasses were pressed up against her nose, and – his lips were catching hers, swiftly, softly, briefly. And she couldn't breathe.

And then his eyes weren't grinning anymore, they were small and worried and frightened and they waited for her to react, but she was not breathing and not thinking and dreaming (she must be, mustn't she?), but then his eyes darkened another shade in fear and she let out a breath and something clicked. And she closed the gap between their lips, pressing against them only for a second before they broke apart and both started laughing – he, relieved, chuckling, while she merely gave a nervous half-giggle.

"So, that seems to have done the trick," Michael grinned from behind them, rolling his eyes. "And about time, too!"

xxx

It had been a week, and the worried knot in Padma's stomach had only been growing, at about the same rate as Terry's smiles and winks and supposedly innocent touches had been growing more and more irresistible. But every time she had attempted to speak to her sister, something had gotten in the way. Usually, the presence of Lavender, who she did not want around to influence her sister's reaction to this.

Now, however, she had finally plucked up the courage to ask Parvati to meet her in the grounds, alone.

Her eyes mildly concerned, Parvati arrived, asking her what was wrong. Padma, panicking, went into a stutter about how nothing was wrong, per say, she hoped, but that she needed to tell her sister something – well, ask her something, really…

"Well, ask me then," Parvati told her bluntly, obviously not getting calmed by her sister's ramblings.

Padma took a deep breath. "I – I need to know how you feel about Terry." She could see her sister stiffening, and that this was not what she had expected. "Because – I like him. And I know that you did, too, a bit, before, but he – I really don't want you to feel – but I really do like him, and he wants to – he kissed me, and I just need to know – "

Parvati was silent for a little too long. Padma knew that she saw hesitation in her eyes, and swallowed hard. Maybe she shouldn't have asked, maybe she should never have put her sister in this situation, because what if it damaged their relationship, what if Parvati would go on to hate her, like she detested Ginny Weasley?

"I guess – I don't mind," Parvati spoke slowly, finally, with just a slight tad of defeat in her voice. "Really, I know that you like him more than I do, and if he likes you, I – I want you to be happy, obviously," she finished with a small smile.

Padma's eyes searched hers, holding her breath. "Are – are you sure?"

Parvati took her hand, smiling more sincerely. "'Course I'm sure. I just – I mean, with Dean being such a git, I just – well, never mind that. Now I want to know how that kiss was!"

xxx

He was sitting with Michael and Anthony, laughing. He looked up when she entered the common room, though. There must have been something written on her face, because he stopped laughing, and then so did the others.

And then he was there, taking her hand as though that was the most natural thing in the world, and he was leading her back out into the corridor. And he was stopping, but he wasn't letting go of her hand, and his eyes were piercing into hers, asking for permission.

"I – I'm ready now," she hurried to stutter, breathlessly. "I mean – if you still – "

He cut her off by placing a finger on her lips. "You're sure?" His voice was deep, his eyes smiling, and yet searching her, because they both knew that her answer was more than if she was sure it was okay for him to kiss him right now. It was a lot more than that.

Breath hitching in her throat, she nodded.

xxx

"You know, you could just do something about it," Michael pointed out, rolling his eyes at Anthony.

"Yeah," Terry added wisely, nodding smugly to Padma who was sitting on his lap, her arms curled around his neck. "These girls can be quite nice to have around. Sometimes," he added, causing Padma to playfully smack his chest.

But Anthony shook his head. "She's been fancying Macmillan forever."

"Oh, come off it!" Michael exclaimed. "They broke it off last year. _She_ did. That's the most pathetic excuse I've heard since – well, since Terry was waiting over a bloody year to do something about this little lady," he said, waving his hand in Padma's general direction.

She cocked her eyebrows at her boyfriend, whose cheeks were reddening slightly. "Over a year, huh?"

"See?" Anthony glared at Terry. "It's not that simple. And when it was you, we gave you some space about it and didn't push you into something you weren't ready to – "

"Oh, really?" Terry asked, sceptically. "The only reason you two weren't constantly pestering me about it was that a certain person was around us most of the time, and it wasn't as though you were really all that discreet in front of her either, thank you very much!"

"Well – maybe I just don't wanna make a fool out of myself, asking out someone who for all I know barely knows my name! It was different for you. Padma was obvious about fancying you for at least six months before you did something about it."

"Hey!" exclaimed Padma. Terry raised his eyebrows at her. She recoiled, playfully pouting at him. "I'm not saying it isn't true, just that _he_ wasn't supposed to have noticed." Terry chuckled, leaning in for a quick peck on the lips. The other two boys pointedly looked away, but Padma had stopped feeling uncomfortable with these more public displays of affection. Actually, it was kind of nice. To know that she had someone. That she had him. That wasn't something to be ashamed of.

"You know, if you want, I could try and talk to Hannah for you," she offered, knowing Anthony would never take her up on it (which was lucky, because she was definitely not the kind of person to walk up to people she barely knew and start discussing their personal lives). "You know, woman to woman."

"You'll – you'll do no such – don't you _dare_!" Anthony spluttered, his eyes widening.

"Fine, fine," she chortled. "Just let me know if you change your mind."

"Yeah, 'cause you would've just loved it if Mike or me had asked you out for little Terr here. _Really_ romantic shit, right?" Anthony said darkly.

"Depends. Would you have been reciting the romantic poems he writes me daily," ("Hey, those were supposed to be private!" Terry exclaimed, gaping in mock-disbelief), "or would you just have been grunting out something like 'Er… you should like go out with my friend'?"

Anthony merely growled something about how it was different with Hannah, who they barely knew, and that it wasn't bloody fair to make comparisons.

**A/N: **Let me know what you think, okay? (Oh, and the next chapter won't be quite this cheerful…)


	7. Sixth Year, Part II

**A/N: **As I said, this is less cheerful than the last one. Hope it's not too depressing. There is a war going on after all…

_**Sixth Year. Part II.**_

_Honey, we know that you want to be with your friends, and of course we understand that. But we are worried about you. It has become clear that Hogwarts is no longer a safe place, and we wish that you would see this too. That girl getting attacked was just too much for your mother. Aren't you scared that next time it might be one of you? Because your mother and I are._

_Don't you see that it isn't safe, and that you would be safer here, with us? We really miss you. Please, reconsider. For your mother's sake, and mine. Love, Dad. _

Reading the letter, Parvati had merely huffed, pointing out that their parents were getting quite practiced at the whole guilt-routine. Padma had forced a smile. Parvati had looked at her quizzically, seeing through it, and then asked her incredulously if she was actually falling for their crap now? Without thinking, Padma had shaken her head, mumbling that of course not, of course she wasn't hesitating, of course she wanted to stay here, at Hogwarts. Obviously.

That night, she found herself in a familiar situation. She hadn't been sneaking down into the common room after everyone had gone to bed since her very first night at the school. She had broken down a couple of times, yes, but either she'd had Parvati or her boys to comfort her, or she had been crying into her pillow as the other girls slept soundly. Tonight, however, Mandy and Lisa were high on the experiences they had had in Hogsmeade with Cormac McLaggen and Justin Finch-Fletchley, respectively. In Mandy's case, the experience had also stretched on to a lot more than hand-holding, in an unlocked broom cupboard… About here, Padma had had enough. They had asked her, unable to stop giggling, if she wanted them to be quiet, but she had just shook her head and told them to carry on. It didn't matter, really. She knew she wouldn't have been able to sleep, anyway.

And now she was sprawled out in the same armchair she had been found in by Michael, that very first night. Back then, she had been worrying about if she'd make friends, and if her relationship with her sister would change. Such trivialities, compared to _war_. A girl, almost killed, just walking back from Hogsmeade. (What if that had been her, or Parvati, or Terry, or Michael, or - )

Before she managed to push it back down, a sob escaped her at the thought. She quickly pressed her hand to her mouth, listening, praying to Rowena that nobody had heard her. Even if, that first night, it had been a good thing that someone had found her, today she just really needed the peace and quiet. Some time to think, and not have to pretend like everything was normal. Everything wasn't normal. No matter how much they kept on pretending, living their lives, being blissfully happy and in love – the world was still out there, wasn't it? And wasn't it horribly wrong of her to be happily kissing Terry, to laugh, to sometimes let herself forget? Did that make her, and all of them, awful people?

_Please, reconsider. For your mother's sake, and mine. _

It had been too much, that letter. If it had been from her mother, it would have been easier to overlook as her silly hysterics. But it was her father's words. He never overreacted. He was a stable person, the steadiest person she knew. And he pleaded her to come home… What if she by staying made sure she'd never see her parents again?

She could feel her cheeks growing moist, but didn't care. No one was down here, and thankfully, no one seemed to have heard her before. She was safe.

Or so she had thought.

Just then, there was a creak on the stairs. She jumped, quickly wiping her face, and turned around. There he was, the same boy who had found her in this very position, five years ago. Except that he had grown a lot taller, and was not at all as scrawny as he had been back then. And the concern on his face was less innocent, and a lot more – well, concerned. As he stepped closer to her, taking her look as an invitation to join her, she noticed the lines around his mouth.

"This really is the night of déjà vu, isn't it?" she tried to joke, and he smiled, even if it looked strained.

"Guess so."

"How'd you know I was here?" she questioned quietly, fidgeting under his still searching gaze, too aware of the salt streaks around her eyes.

"Suppose I'm just that good," he grinned, though without conviction. "What, I'm your hero, aren't I? Always know when you need me, don't I?" He caved under her sceptical stare and sighed, rubbing his temples. "Okay, fine. If you really wanna know – I heard crying, and I figured it might be Cho. She's been – well, she's still – she's hurting, and I don't know how to – be what she needs me to be," he sighed even deeper, pulling his hands across his face, looking more exhausted than she'd ever seen him. "I want to help her, I do, and be there for her, but I just don't know… Maybe I'm just in way over my head, here."

"You really do care about her, don't you?" she said, as more of a statement than a question.

He nodded solemnly. "Yeah, I do. But sometimes – I'm just not sure it's enough, y'know. She's really shaken up about this Katie business. Wouldn't talk to me, though. She said she just needed to sleep. And I just – really have no effin' idea how to deal with that."

"Not much you can do, if she doesn't want you to," Padma pointed out gently. "She'll come to you when she's ready. You just have to make sure she knows you're not going anywhere. Be her hero, right?" She gave him a small smile, the moonlight flickering in her still watery eyes.

He shook himself, focusing his attention on her again. "About that – are you – well, is this about the Katie thing too?" He gestured vaguely in the direction of her tears.

"Kind of. That, and everything else," she shrugged. "My Dad wrote to me today, asking me to come home." She bit her lip, awaiting his reaction.

He let out a low whistle, but didn't speak.

"I – I don't want to go, obviously," she continued, her voice suddenly shriller than normal. "It's just a bit – hard, you know, to not do what they want me to. To hear them saying these things…"

His sympathetic gaze was enough to make her eyes start watering again. Without a word, he grabbed her hand tightly. But when tears were still pouring freely down her face after a couple of minutes, he spoke up, looking slightly awkward. "You want me to get Terr or somethin'? Seems I'm not doing a very good job here."

She made the effort to get her breathing under control enough to form words. "You're doing fine," she whispered.

"But you still want me to get Terr, don't you?" He gave a small smile as she gave a watery nod. "I figured. You've replaced me."

She shook her head, silently trying to communicate the _never_ she was feeling inside. But as he rose, letting go of her hand with a last squeeze, she still felt relief at the thought that she soon would be enveloped by the strong, comforting arms of her boyfriend.

Soon, he was sneaking himself in beside her, kissing her forehead. It was obvious from his droopy eyes that he had been sleeping, but his gaze of concern was free of any kind of wishing he was still in bed, and she was grateful. She was also grateful that he didn't ask, but just held her, waiting to see if she wanted to tell him or not. She didn't, at first. It was just so nice to not speak, to merely cry softly into his t-shirt. But then – well, the need to explain was starting to fill the air, she could see the question in his eyes even if he tried to push it away, and she knew she wasn't being fair to him.

"My parents want me to go home," she whispered, finally. "And I'm just not sure…" Her voice broke. His hand found her chin, gently forcing her to look into him.

"You belong here," he stated firmly, softly placing her hair back behind her ear.

She nodded, more water spilling from her eyelids as she closed them, leaning back against his chest. She nodded, knowing that he was probably right, but still not getting rid of that hard pit in her stomach.

_Hogwarts is no longer a safe place. _

_Please, reconsider. For your mother's sake, and mine. _

Because what if he wasn't?

xxx

She had thought about it, of course. Like any teenager has to think about it at some point or other. But she had never _really _thought about it. Not like this. She had just figured that it wasn't even an option yet, so why worry about it, when it probably wouldn't be for years? Because, really, who'd want to sleep with her? And who would _she_ be comfortable enough with to actually show herself naked ? It had, until recently, seemed highly unlikely.

Now, however, it was a different matter.

They hadn't discussed it. Never. The first few weeks, there had mostly been very innocent kissing. The kind that they could do in public, in the company of Michael and Anthony.

Then, there had been that Hogsmeade date, when they had been walking alone up to the Shrieking Shack, and something had been – different. Not a bad different, definitely not. Good different. She had felt it. He had kissed her and she had suddenly realized what people meant when they talked about going weak at the knees. She had felt it.

But then, there had been the attack on Katie and Padma's mild breakdown and, well – they really weren't alone that often! Usually, they hung out with Michael and Anthony, and sometimes Mandy and Lisa, and Cho. In front of that crowd, their touches and kisses remained innocent. Affectionate, but innocent.

Right now, though, his hot breath on her neck was anything but innocent. His shirt, discarded on the floor, was anything but innocent. Her trembling fingers, slowly caressing his defined abs, holding her breath as he closed his eyes, for just a moment – not innocent _at all_. She bit back the question if she was doing it wrong, because one thing she knew, and that was that asking something like that right now would definitely be doing it wrong.

His lips were back on hers again, and she could feel them smiling, could feel them smiling away her worries. As if he knew just what he was doing, he deepened the kiss, making her forget to think. Because he knew her. And he was Terry. So – why not, really?

Panting, she fought off her sweater, leaving her in only a tight top. Suddenly very aware of herself and his eyes widening as they took in her every curve, she began to second guess her bold move. _Was it giving him the wrong signs – that she wanted to go all the way? But, if it did, would that be so wrong, really? _

Gently, he touched her cheek, asking her with his eyes if something was wrong. Of course he could see her mind working. He always knew. She answered him by pressing her lips back against his. And it felt good. It felt right.

And then they heard it. A whimper, a shuddering breath, and then footsteps on the stairs. They both turned, to find Cho, her eyes red, her hand over her mouth, turning to leave as she spotted them, mumbling that she was sorry for interrupting.

Terry gave Padma one last longing look, then he took a step towards Cho. "Stay, please."

She looked at him, her eyes so lost, so hopeless that it made Padma's eyes water and the silent cursing at Cho for interrupting her moment of bliss end abruptly. Without really thinking, Padma's arm was around Cho's shoulder and she was leading her to a chair by the now dark fireplace. With a silent nod at Padma, Terry disappeared up the stairs. Cho hardly seemed to notice. Gratefully, and seemingly without really caring whose shoulder was offered to her, she buried her face in Padma's and wept.

Padma didn't know what to say. So she waited. Besides, if Cho was anything like her, not saying anything was the right way to get her to speak up. (Not that Padma was entirely sure what she wanted was for a girl she hardly knew and had never spoken to alone to start pouring her heart out to her. But for Michael's sake, and for the hopelessness in his voice when he had found _her_ down here, she supposed she did.)

"I – I'm so – so sorry," Cho choked, after a few moments of silence. "I should go, and – "

"I'm okay right here," Padma said, amazed herself at how steady and soothing her own voice came out.

She could feel Cho's shoulders relaxing, and realized that if she hadn't been talking to Michael, she couldn't have been really talking to anyone lately. That Umbridge thing with Marietta had the two formerly close friends drifting apart, and most of the other girls in her year either took Marietta's side or had never really been that close to Cho in particular. Not so much that they had kept on trying to get her to speak, anyway, when she didn't seem to want to.

Suddenly, though, Cho's defences seemed to have cracked (but they couldn't have been that good, could they, if they'd crack only after a hug and a couple of kind words?). "I – I dream about him. About Ced-Cedric. D-d-dead. I don't want to, anymore – it should've stopped, right? It's been over a year, almost two, and I just – _I_ _can't_ _stop_. And I have Michael and he's great, and I just wanna be – h-happy. I don't know how. That sounds crazy, right, it does, but I just don't – I just _can't_ – "

And then, without either of them having heard him arrive, Michael was on the stairs, pale and looking shaken as he took in the scene and her words. "You – you still dream about him? You haven't told me."

Cho's eyes widened at his voice. "Michael, I'm – I'm sorry," she spluttered, fear plastered on her face.

But Michael slowly stepped towards them, and then spoke quietly. "I can take it from here. Thanks, Pad."

She simply nodded, and walked over to where Terry was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs. With a quick kiss, they departed without a word to their respective dormitories. As Padma chanced a glance back down from the very last step, she saw Cho sobbing uncontrollably into Michael's chest, and his set face as he cradled and held her.

xxx

"How'd it go last night?" Terry asked carefully as the four of them made their way to Herbology, after making sure that no one else was within earshot.

Michael shrugged. The shadows under his eyes were standing out in the bright sunlight. Padma guessed that neither he nor Cho had gotten any sleep the preceding night.

"You talked?" Padma questioned.

Michael sighed, then stopped, taking a breath and nodding sharply, as if consenting to do something he would have preferred to avoid. "Yeah. We talked. She – _talked_ to me. Like I wanted."

"But…?" Terry raised his eyebrows in definite concern.

Michael blew out another breath. "Let's just say – she might be more screwed-up, after everything, then I could've – then I thought. And I just – well, it's a lot to take in, right now."

As Anthony purposefully stayed silent, Terry spoke again. "Y'know, you don't have to – I mean, if it's _too_ much…"

"I could break up with her?" Michael laughed hollowly. "Yeah. 'Cept I can't, can I? Because I care. I care about her. And I want to – I just don't know _how_ the hell I'll be of any good for all – this."

"Just be there," Padma told him softly. "Like you were last night."

Slowly, he nodded, swallowing. "Yeah. Yeah."

They kept on walking. After a couple of steps, though, Michael spoke up again, turning to Terry, who flinched, obviously thinking he'd jump on him for his suggestion. Instead, Michael muttered, "Thanks, mate. For getting me, last night. I – just thanks."

"Just returning the favour." Terry gave a small smile, his eyes fluttering in Padma's direction. She forced herself to smile back, even if nothing inside her really felt like smiling right then.

**A/N: **Sorry I'm a bit behind with replies. I'll get to them as soon as I can. Until then, know that I appreciate any review, and please let me know what you think of this!


	8. Sixth Year, Part III

**A/N: **Teen drama coming up. Consider yourselves warned.

_**Sixth Year. Part III.**_

Padma had dragged Parvati away from Lavender, with a look that clearly had told her sister that this was a conversation they needed to have alone. For once, Parvati had seemed almost glad to get away, as Lavender had been complaining loudly about how Ron wasn't paying her enough attention (Padma felt sure she was the only one who noticed the sour expression on Seamus's face, close by).

"_What_ in the world is going on with you?" Parvati questioned as Padma finally came to a halt near the lake.

"I – I had a dream last night," Padma mumbled, feeling her face flushing.

"A bad dream?" Parvati took a step closer, brow furrowed in concern, knowing how bothered her sister had been by the recent poisoning of Ron Weasley, and with everything else going on.

But Padma merely shook her head, her colour heightening.

Something clicked into place, and Parvati broke out laughing. She stopped quickly, though, as she saw the panic in her twin's eyes. "You – you had a dirty dream, didn't you?" she asked, obviously still trying to push back laughter.

Padma stared at her shoes.

"About Terry, right? Oh, Godric, you didn't dream about Michael or Anthony, did you? Or someone else? Ron?"

"Of course not!" Padma exclaimed, looking highly offended.

Parvati raised her arms in defence. "The way you were acting about it, you had me thinking it was Snape, at the very least."

"First of all, ew," Padma said, crinkling her nose. "And, second of all – of course it was Terry!"

"Well, you never know," Parvati shrugged.

"Yes, you do," Padma said firmly.

"Then what's the problem? He's your boyfriend, you like him, you're attracted to him – I'm sorry, but I can't say I see the issue here."

Padma was silent for a few moments, trying to figure out how she was to explain it. Before she had figured it out, though, Parvati had searched her face and she sighed. "Fine. I can't see why, but you're really bothered about this, so I'll listen. Just tell me, okay?"

Padma took a deep breath, then met her sister's attentive gaze. "We kind of almost did it. Once. Before Christmas." She cringed.

Parvati's eyes widened, but she kept from commenting, even though Padma saw her bursting with the urge to ask questions about the details.

"We were interrupted. And ever since – well, it's not even been close. There's just been so much going on, and we're hardly ever by ourselves, and – I don't even know if _he_ wants to. And I definitely don't know if _I_ want to. I mean – the dream… And sometimes it feels like… Well, that time, I just figured 'why not' and then I just sort of didn't even know what I was doing – it's like I lost control or something. If Cho hadn't – I think I would've – you know. But I'm not sure if it would've been the right thing to – I just really don't know what to do."

"Wow," Parvati said once she was sure Padma's more and more hysterical monologue was finished. Any trace of amusement had been firmly erased from her countenance now. "Well, that's a lot of – I mean, I'm not exactly an expert here, y'know. I've never – you know that. But I guess – if it feels right, you should do it. There's no reason not to. But if you don't – he'll understand, won't he? He's Terr. He's head over heels for you."

Padma felt a small grin escape her. "I guess. But what if I don't _know_ if it feels right or not? What if I misread the signs and I do it and it's wrong? What if it's not right, but I'll do it because I just can't – you know, resist him? But that's not the right reason, is it?" she asked, her voice getting shriller again as she bit her lip.

Parvati sighed, taking her hand and squeezing it, like she always had when they were little and she thought Padma was worrying too much. "I really don't know what to say here," she confessed, but went on. "If you're this miserable about it, you're probably not ready. But, if the moment comes, and you want to – if it happens, it happens, right? Or, you know, you _could_ talk to him about it."

But Padma shook her head violently. "I can't talk to him if I don't even know what I want. Even if it is driving me crazy to not even know if he's – you know, before."

"You could always ask him."

"Not until I know," Padma repeated. "I can't bring it up and then not give him any answers. It's not fair to him."

"Well, then you wait. Or you track down his exes and ask them," Parvati added with a smirk.

But Padma froze, realizing something.

xxx

"Look, I feel really bad asking you this, but – "

"It's fine," Mandy waved off her apologies. "It's just – well, we were barely thirteen when we dated!"

Padma coloured, mumbling something about how they had been _very_ physical, and that you never knew, and that since she did know that Mandy hadn't been a virgin before McLaggen and she didn't know who else she'd been with…

"Well, I was with Roger Davies for a while, in fourth year. We did it. Before he dumped me. As soon as that French brat Fleur Dela-whatever batted his eyes at him," she said with a trace of bitterness.

"I – I didn't know," Padma stuttered.

"You never asked," Mandy shrugged.

Growing more uncomfortable by the second, Padma rose from her bed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you this. I – it was crazy, and I just – "

But before she had left the dormitory, Mandy's voice stopped her. "Wait!" she called, suddenly sounding urgent. When Padma turned back, she was biting her lip. "There is something else you should know." Padma slowly sat back down, waiting. "Oh, _shit_. I can't believe he hasn't told you – well, I can. He did ask me not to tell anyone, ever."

"About what?" Padma's breath was hitching in her throat. A part of her was sure she didn't want to hear this. Another part simply couldn't walk away.

"It was only once, y'know. By the end of fourth year. I think he might've been starting to realize he had feelings for you, and that might've been why he did it. I can't be sure, obviously, but I think… Anyway, I – well, Roger had chucked me, and I had already done it, so I didn't really give a damn anymore. It was his first time, though, he told me afterwards. When he was freaking out, going on and on about how his friends couldn't know. Especially you. Well, he was obviously ashamed of it. I can see why. I mean, he's not the type to just jump in bed with any girl he's not even in love with. Not even then. He could flirt, but he wouldn't go further unless he was into it. Except that time. I knew he wasn't into it, but I just wanted to – forget, I guess. Feel wanted, or whatever. I was still kind of stuck on him too. And he was sweet about Roger. But he – I think he was panicking, because he was starting to come to terms with how effin' much he was in love with you. You shouldn't blame him for not telling you. I hardly think he's even told Mike and Anthony."

Padma could only gape.

xxx

He grinned as he entered the common room, but it faded when he noticed her expression. Without a word, she gestured for him to follow her outside. Puzzlement written all over him, he did. Without question, which she was grateful for. (She had spent a torturous half hour, pondering how she should confront him, if she even should at all, and if she was risking not only him but the other two boys who obviously would take his side… But, in the end, she had trusted him, and she needed to _know_, needed to hear him explain. She knew she couldn't pretend like she hadn't heard. Perhaps he'd be able to say something, anything, that would make all of this okay.)

"What's up?" he asked, gently touching her elbow as she closed the empty classroom's door behind them.

She closed her eyes for a second against the realization that she might be about to lose all that – his soft eyes, his gentle hands, his concerned, light voice. Then images invaded her mind of Mandy and him, and she bowed her head, speaking in a low voice.

"Mandy told me."

He stiffened, and immediately let go of her. She looked up. His eyes were widening, his face blanching.

"About you two. In fourth year," she continued, unnecessarily. Mainly just to check if her poisonous suspicion that fourth year might not have been the only time had any ground. It didn't seem to, as she found no trace of relief in his expression. Still – you never knew, did you? If he'd lied once…

"I – I can explain," he stuttered, his voice shaking at her deliberately hard gaze. "It was just one time, and she was upset and _we_ weren't, yet, and – "

"Why didn't you tell me?" This time, the hurt in her voice leaked through, but she wasn't sure he heard it. He was pulling his hand through his hair, obviously trying to find the right words.

"I didn't – well, it was a mistake, and I didn't think there was any need. We weren't together, and – "

"We are now," she spat, anger rising in her throat as he was saying all the wrong things and none of the right ones (even if she wasn't entirely sure what those would be). "And didn't you think I should know, now? That I deserve to know, before making any decisions about – "

"About what?" he frowned, raising his voice too when she merely huffed in response. "And just because I didn't want you to think less of me, doesn't mean – "

"You were lying? Because, yeah, actually, it does."

"I never said I hadn't – "

"Really? You wanna go _there_?"

"What? Just because you're so fucking perfect and haven't made a single mistake in your life, you think you have the right to judge – "

"I wouldn't've, if you'd just _told_ me, instead of me having to find out from _her_! Now, how am I supposed to trust you? What's to make me know for sure you're not still jumping into bed with any girl who's a little 'upset'?"

In one flash, his face changed, and she knew she had gone too far. The angry retort on his tongue faded into nothingness, his eyes darkened and they were silent for a long moment, simply staring at each other. She had time to marvel at the fact that her eyes were still dry and that it seemed to be rather his that were glistening slightly in the unlit classroom. She had time to feel the knot in her stomach harden, knowing that she had probably lost him now, caring a lot, and not caring yet because she wanted him to be hurt, just like she was. And because maybe it would be a relief, really, not to have to worry about how they were going to make it over the summer holidays when her parents probably wouldn't let her out of the house, and moreover, if they were both going to make it through this war… If they ended it now, she wouldn't have to worry about those things, or what her dream had meant, or what would happen if they broke up and how much it would break her – if they ended it now, she wouldn't have to worry anymore, she wouldn't have to care, and that would be a relief (wouldn't it?).

"I s'ppose you don't," he said shortly, in a measured, slow voice. Then he walked away, giving her one last piercing gaze that just didn't feel like relief or pleasant payback at all.

**A/N: **Okay, so I have to start by saying: pretty please, don't kill me for ending it like that…

If it helps, I will try to get the next one out soon. Which will be the last one for this year. And then we'll go on to seventh, which I have a feeling might just go on for all eternity. I hope that's okay…


	9. Sixth Year, Part IV

**A/N: **I am very sorry for the delay of this. I really didn't mean to leave you on that note for this long. The last weeks have been crazy, with all the preparations for my – well, the Swedish version of a high school graduation or whatever you should call it. But now I am _done_, and won't be starting the university until the fall, so lots and lots of time for fanfiction!

Anyway, this is kind of long. Figured I owed you that much after this wait. And this is also the last of sixth year. Next we'll be starting seventh.

_**Sixth Year**__**. Part IV. **_

"Are you out of your effin' mind?" Michael was frustrated. "You know Pad's the best bloody thing that's ever happened to you, and I can't believe you're just willing to let that – "

"Wasn't exactly me who ended it, was it?" Terry spat back. The bitterness in his voice made Padma flinch, standing breathless behind a bookshelf in the library. She had heard them, stopped and had now completely forgotten what she was supposed to be looking for, or even that she was supposed to be looking for something in the first place.

"Not the point, mate. You gotta get over yourself and _fix_ this, because you're driving me crazy, moping about – "

"I am _not _moping about. And you're one to talk – look how you were acting after Ginny dumped you!"

"Dammit! Could you stop changing the bloody subject, for once?"

Padma's heart was beating hard against her ribs. Michael's tone was almost unfriendly. Not at all like the gentle way he had made sure to speak to her, every day for the week since the day of the falling out. He had told her earnestly that Terry was a mess, but just too bloody stubborn to take the first step to a reunion, but that if she only did something, there was not a single doubt as to whether he'd want her back. Padma, however, wasn't so sure about that. Since the fight, Terry hadn't even met her eyes, and had made sure to spend no time in the same room as her, except in class, where he'd made sure to sit in the other end of the classroom. Maybe Michael was wrong. Maybe he did hate her. Or, maybe he was simply too hurt by her distrust to ever forgive her. And she didn't want to risk exposing herself like that and then being rejected. Her heart couldn't wouldn't be able to take that.

Plus, she wasn't even sure that getting back together was the right thing to do. Even if he did want to. Because if it hurt her this much now to be apart from him, how could she bear to risk having to go through it again, later? Wouldn't it be better then to just get over it now, and then go on with her life? Without him. (No matter how much that thought scared her.)

"Look," Michael said, taking a deep breath, as though calming himself. "I just want you to talk to her. If you two would just stop being so bloody difficult and _talked_ to each other, you'd just do us all such a favour, not to mention yourselves – "

"Well, I don't feel much like talking to the chick that dumped me and I don't think anybody asked you to butt your fucking nose in! So just mind your own fucking business!" Terry shouted, causing Madam Pince to come hurrying, shrieking about that this was a library. "Whatever," he scoffed. "I'm off, anyway."

As soon as the door slammed shut behind him, Padma stepped out from her hiding place. Michael almost jumped when he saw her emerge, but in a second his eyes went from surprise to concern. He frowned. "How much did you hear?"

"Enough," she shrugged, biting her lip.

"Oh, _shit,_" Michael swore, dragging his hand through his hair. "Y'know, he doesn't mean it – he's just hurting. You get that, don't you?"

Slowly, she nodded. "You weren't that nice to him, though," she pointed out, not knowing how to begin to thank him for at least sort of taking her side, for not hating her too, for not giving up on her, for not ignoring her, for sometimes choosing to sit with her instead of Terry in the common room, for being more _her_ friend than she could've imagined…

He shrugged. "He needs to get his head on straight. Someone's gotta tell him, if you won't."

"Doesn't seem to be going that well, though, does it? And I'm still not so sure it'd be any better with me doing the telling. I hurt him, Mike. I hurt him bad," she confessed, looking at her hands.

"Yeah, I figured that much. But I also know he's been crazy about you for two years now. He still is. Why else d'you think he's so – well, outright aggressive?"

She didn't have an answer for him. But she definitely wasn't ready to talk to Terry, either.

Telling Michael she was tired, she left him and started to make her way back to the common room. It wasn't until she was about to turn the corner that she recognized his voice.

"Well, I don't have any fucking idea, do I? What's the effin' point of this stupid system anyway – why couldn't we've just had a password like everyone else? But _no, _we have to have idiotic, fucking questions asked to us by the most annoying voice known to man, so that we can't just get into our bloody common room when we need to! What the hell's that about, huh? Can you answer that, you, who're supposed to be so damn smart? Or, better, could you just _let me in_, 'cause I really don't wanna be standing here shouting at a door like a daft – _dammit!_ Dammit, dammit, _dammit_!" His fists against the door punctuated his last words, and Padma made a sharp intake of breath when she actually heard his voice crack.

He turned, looking wildly around in desperation. While she was, thankfully, still hidden, her heart ached as she watched his lip quiver only slightly, his whole face that of a lost little boy.

Somehow, her feet acted without her permission. She stepped out to meet his shocked eyes for one electrified moment. Then he broke it, turning away quickly. She could see his neck reddening. Somehow, her feet had another stroke of inspiration and stepped closer to him. He heard her, she was sure of that, but he didn't turn around.

She took a deep breath. "Terr?" She didn't want to ask him if he was okay, when he so obviously wasn't. But she didn't know what else to say, so she stopped.

She heard him swallow, as though gathering himself. Then he turned around, his face set, his voice almost robotic in his attempts to rid it of all emotions. "What d'you want?"

She didn't know what to say, so she simply held his gaze, hoping that it would convey everything, everything she wanted, everything she was sorry for, everything she was scared of, and everything she wished for.

His eyes did soften, slightly, but he didn't speak. She closed her own eyes for a second, realizing that Michael had been right. It would have to be she who spoke first. Even if she risked a lot of things, she had to, because she couldn't stand his voice breaking like that or him even fighting with _Michael_ and it all being her fault. She just couldn't stand it.

"I'm sorry." Her whisper was barely audible, but he heard her. They were alone in a silent corridor, after all. She waited, holding her breath for his reaction. But he was still, unnaturally so, waiting. She let out a breath, realizing it was shaking and that he must hear that. Clearing her throat, she spoke on, not sure what she was saying or if it was the right thing, but she found she didn't really care anymore. "I do trust you, y'know. I never really thought you'd – you know – _now_. I was freaking out, because you should've told me and then to hear it like that – but I didn't mean – you have to know I didn't mean that. But it was a lot to process, especially when I haven't, ever, and if we were going to, you know, then I needed to know. And then there's just the fact that I kind of need you and that's really bloody scary, with everything, and I think I might've wanted to hurt you just to not get myself in too deep, so that if I did lose you, someday – but, anyway, that was stupid, 'cause I do need you and I miss you and I heard you fighting with Mike and I really don't want you two to be fighting and I don't want you to be so – Please, Terr. I'm sorry. Just say something."

Her eyes were anything but dry this time. She waited. All the words were out of her now, and he had listened, his lips thin, his eyes unreadable. And now, she waited.

He opened his mouth, as though to say something. She waited, taking a deep breath. But, instead of responding with words, he closed the space between them and pressed his lips hard against hers. Before she had time to react, he had broke their mouths apart, just to wrap his arms tightly around her, his head on her shoulder, holding her to him so firmly that she was unable to breath.

"I'm sorry too," he whispered, near her ear, and her tears spilled even worse at the sound of how husky his voice was and she just held him tighter and breathed in his familiar scent.

xxx

"Mate, you've been pining for her all year. Frankly, it's getting a bit sad," Michael pointed out, tapping Anthony on the shoulder as he growled in response.

"Yeah," Terry agreed, "you really should get a move on now, before the holidays. She'll be all spring-flower-girly-giddy," (Padma raised her eyebrows at him, but he simply grinned, adding that "well, you lot are, it's not my fault, and I'm not complaining!"), "and plus, if she turns you down, it's not too long 'til you won't have to see her for months."

"Which she won't," Michael added, cheerfully. "She should be lucky to have you, little Hannah. Who's not _that _little anymore, when I've come to think of it…"

"Okay, change of subject," Padma piped up, giving mercy to the more and more bothered Anthony's pleading eyes. "What're all your plans for the summer, anyway?"

"Well, I plan to do this, at every opportunity given to me," Terry smirked, leaning in and giving her a long kiss.

"You might not get too many, though," Padma protested darkly, even though she couldn't help letting the smile linger where his lips had left their mark of unconcern. "My parents – "

"Can't keep you locked up all summer, can they?"

She merely smiled sadly, again, and leaned in against his chest.

It took a few moments before they all noticed the way Michael's face had fallen at the mention of the summer.

As usual Terry was the one to question him about it. "What?" he demanded simply.

Michael sighed, sank back against his chair and checked that Cho wasn't around. "It's just that – it's her last year, here. We've been discussing how to do that, and she says she wants to try and stay in contact next year, but with all this going on – who knows how long that'll even be possible? I mean, not that I don't wanna try – it'd just be a hell of a lot easier if she was just _here_, y'know. So, yeah, I'm not really looking forward to the holidays. She's gonna be off most of them, too, in Spain with her folks. We'll get some time, I guess, but…" He blew out some air, looking way too troubled and _old_ for Padma's liking. It was quite frightening how quickly his appearance could change from cheerfully mocking his friend to _this_.

Before any of them had figured out anything to say, though, Michael rose from his seat with a painfully obvious fake smile. "I'm going to bed, okay? G'night."

After a moment of the three of them just staring after his dejected form, Terry spoke up, sounding tired himself. "I'll go, all right?" He kissed Padma softly and stroked her cheek. Even though they had been back together now for longer than they were apart, he still seemed almost amazed in the way he was revelling in her presence. She had to admit, it was nice.

Once they were left alone, Padma and Anthony discussed homework for a couple of minutes. Then, out of the blue, his smile faded and he seemed to be working himself up to tell her something. She waited, tactfully looking away as he fidgeted. Then, suddenly, he started speaking. "It's not just about that she might say no, y'know." Padma merely looked at him, trying to keep the shock that he was confiding in her and not the boys about this out of her face. "Hannah, I mean. That would suck, obviously. But it's not just that – I mean, I'm not even that sure I want to – isn't it kind of overrated, being in a relationship? I mean, I see Mike with Cho and that's just not cheerful, at _all_. And then there's you and Terr and – now you're fine, but before - sorry," he cringed, seeing her expression. That still was more than a sensitive subject. This all was – the worrying that a relationship could do more damage than it was worth. Sure, she had realized that Terry made _her_ happier, for now. But, still – did she really make him happier, with all her worrying? Was she becoming a Cho, who dragged him down with her?

Steeling herself, recognizing what it meant that Anthony had come to her with this, she nodded to let him go on.

"It's just that, Terr and Mike, they're so into you that they just couldn't let go, even if they wanted to. Not that they do, but I just – it's a lot to give into, and Hannah – I'm not even sure I feel _that _much for her. I mean, what I know of her, she's great, but -"

"You're not sure," Padma filled in for him, and he nodded. "No one really is, you know."

xxx

Neither of them said anything as they walked from the Great Hall. Padma's hand was in Terry's, trembling slightly. She knew he must feel it, but he didn't comment. For all she knew, his might be keeping them shaking too.

She hesitated as they reached the empty common room, but as the two boys headed straight for their dormitory, Terry's hand didn't let go of hers. She glanced at his set jaw, and knew. He needed her there. She also remembered Anthony, choosing to discuss his fears about Hannah with her, and not the other two. She owed it to him, too, to be there.

The rumour hadn't reached them until dinner. It was Mandy who told them, as Lisa had come back from the Hufflepuff table, looking grim and whispering the news to Mandy. Hannah's mother had been killed. Hannah's _mother_ was _dead_.

With just one look at the unusually silent Hufflepuffs, Anthony had rose and walked out of the Great Hall. Padma, Michael and Terry had only stayed long enough to hear that Hannah was locked up in her dormitory with Susan, but that the rumour was she would be going home to her father later this evening. No one seemed to know when or even if she was going to return to school.

As they reached the dormitory door, Padma raised her hand to knock, but Michael forced the door open, without letting her.

Anthony was sitting on his bed, his eyes glazed as they stared out the window. He barely acknowledged their arrival, not even looking up. He knew them well enough to not be surprised.

Michael cleared his throat. Anthony looked up, his eyes flickering over Padma's form for one second in something that would have been surprise, normally, but now was more like a simple noting of her presence. "She – she's in her dormitory with Bones. They say she's going home tonight." Michael's voice was low, careful.

At first, Anthony simply nodded, still bearing his dazed expression. Then, in a second, his face crumpled. The mere glimpse of his expression before he had time to hide it in his hands was more than enough to make Padma's throat constrict. "Shit," he breathed. "_Shit!_"

"You – you wanna - ?" Terry stuttered, his voice almost unrecognizable too. Unlike Michael's, his was higher than normally.

Anthony looked up, incredulously. "What? Go see her? Help her? Like hell I do, but I'm fucking too late, aren't I? She doesn't even bloody know me. _I. Can't. Do. Anything_." He growled, gritting his teeth, for a moment looking like he wanted to curse someone. The next, every ounce of anger seemed to run off of him, and his eyes were shining with hopelessness before his hands were there, again, shielding them from view. "_Fuck_!" he gasped as his shoulders started shaking.

Padma felt her heart actually ache, but as she glanced at Michael's shocked eyes and Terry's thin lips, she took the few steps forward and sat down beside Anthony. Still not letting go of Terry's hand, she put her other arm around Anthony's shoulders, feeling him tense, but not shrugging her off.

"You couldn't have changed this," she whispered, her voice oddly thick, but somehow managing to sound steady and secure anyway.

He swallowed, but nodded, without looking up.

xxx

Padma had never known Albus Dumbledore. Not in a personal way. He had merely been her Headmaster. He had elected her for Prefect, though. He had seen her. She had respected him. She had never doubted You-Know-Who's return when he had told them all of it. She had trusted him. To be there, to protect them all. Not that Hogwarts had been completely safe this year. But he had been there, and he had kept school almost like school was supposed to be. Almost. Not one of the students had died. But without him…

Padma didn't bother protesting when their parents arrived. Unexpectedly, neither did Parvati. For the very first time this year, Padma saw her twin's eyes just as red and puffy as her own, just as frightened. Just as much welcoming their father's tight arms around them both, protective, and their mother's warm, tear-filled embraces.

Later, she would regret this. She would regret missing the funeral, the chance to pay her respects. It was something she should have been there for. If nothing else, to be there for Terry, who later never quite managed to tell her about that day. But she'd understand as much as that it had been impossibly difficult, for all three of them.

Right then, however, she was merely selfishly relieved at getting taken away from the whole mess, of grief and the confusion and fear. She just couldn't deal with it. So she sneaked away from her parents only enough to kiss Terry long and hard, and hug both Michael and Anthony tightly. And then she let them take her away. Take her home.

Glancing at the castle, she swallowed down a lump in her throat as she realized that she might never return.


	10. Seventh Year, Part I

**A/N: **Here we go. This year might last forever, but this is a start.

_**Seventh Year. Part I.**_

Padma wasn't sure what to feel when she, despite her reflections as she left her school last year, was about to return to it.

Except that it wouldn't be the same. She knew that. Even if she could have never been prepared for the year that she was facing - if she had known just how bad it was about to get, she would have let her mother's tears keep her home, despite the new rules, demanding mandatory attendance. For now, though, she was actually grateful that it hadn't come down to a choice. Now no one would know that she was selfish enough to consider not being there for everyone she knew needed her, just because she couldn't bear it.

Now she stepped onto the train, Parvati just behind her. They waved goodbye to their parents, neither acknowledging that they saw their mother dissolve into sobs in their father's arms before they had turned a corner.

"Let's just go find a compartment, okay?" Parvati whispered, wiping her eyes quickly.

Padma nodded. Even if they hadn't sat together on the train for years, things had changed now.

It was Terry who spotted them. He called once, but before Padma had time to turn around, she had been enveloped by his after the summer even broader arms and swept into the air. "Hi," he mumbled softly, before kissing her hard on the mouth. "You're here."

"'Course I'm here," she said, plastering on a smile. "Told you I'd be, didn't I?"

"Yeah. I know," he said, biting his lip sheepishly. "I just – missed you."

Her heart melted at the sincerity in his voice and this time, her smile was genuine, as she leaned in and kissed him too. "Me too."

"Oi! Snog-time up for now! Some people would like to keep down their breakfast, thank you very much," Michael called out, mock-annoyed. Padma let go of Terry only to hug both him and Anthony briefly, then reached out for his hand again. _Merlin, she really had missed him._ It had to be a good thing that she was going back, then. Definitely.

"There's Lavender!" Parvati breathed, bringing Padma's attention back to her. "And Seamus! Then he must be…"

Padma could see her sisters' hands trembling, and, giving Terry an apologetic look, she let go of him and went to her sister's side. She knew what a huge moment this would be for Parvati. She, Padma, had after all been spending most of her summer convincing Parvati back into this, every time she had changed her mind – and then she had helped her plan it out, step by step, as they had concluded that she did want this and that there was finally nothing stopping her from admitting to Dean how she felt about him. Except –

"Where's Dean?" Parvati frowned as she looked around the compartment, as if she expected Dean to be hiding under a chair. Padma felt her heart sinking as she caught the flinch in Lavender's face and the way Seamus closed his eyes against the name, as if he couldn't bear to hear it spoken out loud.

For a few torturous seconds, Padma thought the worst, and from the way Parvati wavered, she was sure her sister's mind was following the same lines. Then Seamus spoke, his voice oddly detached, his eyes staring at the wall in front of him. "He's not comin'." Already after the first word, Parvati broke into silent tears. As Seamus kept on explaining that since Dean didn't have any means to prove he wasn't Muggleborn – which he didn't even know himself if he was or not – he couldn't return. So he had decided to go on the run. Seamus' voice broke as he finished. Lavender, flickering her eyes between him and the trembling Parvati, met Padma's eyes. Padma gave a short nod and put her arm around her sister. Lavender hesitated for a moment, then nodded back, and went to sit beside Seamus, giving his arm a squeeze.

Leading her sister into the hallway, Padma gave Terry another grimace, before taking her sister and locking the two of them in a bathroom. Finally in private, Parvati sobbed hard into Padma's shoulder. "He – he was s-supposed to b-be here – I was supposed to tell him – I waited, and he was with _her_, but now – h-he might – "

Padma couldn't do anything except to hold her, and then, when she seemed all cried out and the drawling voice of Draco Malfoy was knocking insistently on the door, Padma wiped her sister's face carefully, before leading her out again, glaring at Malfoy who rushed into the bathroom (but she couldn't help but notice with surprise that his annoyed expression faded slightly as he caught sight of Parvati's red-stained face).

And then, she couldn't do more than sit in the compartment where Michael, Terry and Anthony had joined Seamus and Lavender, still clutching her sister's hand while Lavender watched Seamus closely, trying to help the other three boys with their futile attempts at keeping a normal conversation going.

xxx

"Nathalie Goldstein – GRYFFINDOR!"

The four of them watched as the mousy-haired, tiny girl sprinted over to the Gryffindor table and sat down next to another just as frightened-looking first-year.

"Could've been worse, couldn't it?" Michael said, patting Anthony on the shoulder. "You did say she worried she'd be in Slytherin."

Anthony shrugged, then shook himself, forcing a small smile. "Yeah. You're right. I guess, I was just sort of hoping – "

"That she'd be in here, so that you'd get to watch her every move, 24-7?" Terry smirked. "Mate, you gotta give the girl a chance to have a _life_."

"I would've," Anthony protested. "Really. If things just hadn't been – I mean, isn't it bloody typical that she has to start here _now_?"

"Well, yeah," Michael agreed. "But let's look at it from the good side – at least she's in Gryffindor. Means she's got balls enough to take care of herself. Figuratively speaking, of course," he added at Padma and Anthony's raised eyebrows.

"I kind of do know what you're on about, though," Terry said with a clearly forced ease. "Y'know, Derek?"

"Your Quidditch star brother who you've been bragging about for the last six years? Oh, I do believe we've heard his name mentioned, one time or another," Michael smirked.

Terry effectively shot a spoonful of mashed potatoes into Michael's face, then continued as though no interruption had occurred. "He's returned to England, now, to fight. He reckons it's the right thing. I get that, obviously, but still – well, I just – know what you mean," he sighed, and Padma carefully placed her hand on his thigh under the table.

"Playing with your food, I _see_," came the sharp voice of Snape from behind them, and they all froze. "If you are not a whole lot more_ cautious_ with the food that has been carefully _prepared_ for you in the future, I _will_ have to put you in detention, Mr Boot."

They gaped, until their new Headmaster was out of earshot. Michael was the first to recover, blowing out a puff of air he had apparently been holding. "Yep. Things are definitely gonna change around here."

xxx

It was only the second day back when Padma's coin heated up again, letting her know that the former DA planned to assemble in the Room of Requirement that night. She couldn't say she was surprised. With the way the Carrows and Snape's new regime were laying out the rules and showing off the new standards by beating Neville Longbottom bloody on the very first day – well, something needed to be done. She knew that. But she also knew that if entering the rebellious group the last time had been risky, circumstances had worsened now. About a million times.

Still, she swallowed her fears and didn't even voice them to Terry or Parvati. The three boys and her sister were determined to attend the meeting. No hesitation there. They were brave. They knew what the right thing was and they did it. And, Padma decided, so would she. So, that night, she went. Her hand was moist and slightly trembling in Terry's, but she went.

With Potter gone, it was expected to see that his three closest allies who were still in the school had taken over his place as leader; Longbottom, the Lovegood girl and Ginny. They all seemed to have been altered a lot since last time, though. Longbottom had an almost manic glint in his eye as he spoke to them, talking about the need to take a stand, to not let "them" win. Lovegood was mostly quiet, but still seemed to have a close bond with both Ginny and Longbottom that Padma had never seen before in her. And Ginny – well, Ginny was definitely not the sparkling, fierce person Padma had gotten to know two years ago. The absence of Potter and her brother seemed to have taken a definite toll on her. She hardly spoke during the meeting either, and when she did back Longbottom up, her dull eyes lighted with an even more desperate glimmer than his. Padma shuddered as she watched them. Things had changed. People had changed.

(Had she changed? Wasn't she the same as always? Hadn't she always been scared, even when there hadn't been anything _real_ to worry about? Could she really take in that this time, everything was actually, truly falling apart? Why was she still able to feel tingles in her arm as Terry stroked it? Wasn't that wrong, somehow, when Ginny's eyes looked that lifeless? When Parvati hadn't smiled since they heard the news about Dean? Shouldn't she feel all this _more_?)

After the meeting, where all they really had decided was that they were prepared to fight, no matter what the Carrows threw their way (which they had realized, they yet didn't know – they only knew that it would be _bad_), Padma noticed Anthony hanging back, pretending to retie his shoelace. Terry and Michael stopped too, glancing apprehensively between Anthony and the corner where Hannah Abbott was getting a long hug from Susan Bones. She was apparently back at school now. None of them had seen her since last year, when she'd left to go be with her father after –

"Hi," Anthony said awkwardly, waving a little at the girls as they had turned to leave, holding each other's hands. "Hi, Hannah. It's, um, nice to see you back." His colour heightening, he looked at the floor.

"Thanks. Thanks, Anthony," Hannah said in surprise, surveying him curiously.

"Er… I know I don't, y'know, _know_ you. But I just wanted to say – well, that I'm sorry."

Hannah now looked even more taken aback, but gathered herself enough to nod her acknowledgement and give him a small smile before Susan hurried them off.

Just as she reached the door, however, Longbottom called after her. "Hannah! Can I talk to you for a sec?"

She stopped, gesturing for Susan to go on.

He walked up to her, running his hand through his hair, speaking in a low voice. "I wanted to say that I'm – I'm sorry too. And, y'know, if you ever need someone to talk to who knows a thing or two about – about l-losing a parent," his voice shook and was even more drastically lowered at those last words. "I'm here," he finished, giving her a lop-sided half-grin.

For some reason, Hannah's cheeks had turned slightly pink, and she nodded slowly. "Thank you, Neville." Her tone wasn't the same surprised, polite one she'd used with Anthony. It was brimming with sentiment, true gratitude.

Terry and Michael knew enough not to comment on this, letting Anthony go to bed early without following him.

"Guess that's not gonna happen then, is it?" Michael sighed, once he was sure Anthony was out of earshot. "Too bad. He could've used a fling. It's been ages since him and Lisa."

"Yeah. And to be rejected for Neville, too. That's gotta sting." Terry made an attempt at a smirk. Padma turned around to glare at him, but it faded once she saw his concerned eyes, glancing up the stairs after Anthony.

"Oh, shut it," she said, but in a much milder tone than she'd intended. "He's grown up. He's quite attractive now," she added with a playful grin that caught Terry's attention, just like she had wanted (no use in worrying about Anthony right now, was there, when all they could do was leave him be?).

"Really, now?" He raised his eyebrows at her. "You thinkin' about trading with Hannah, are you?"

"If I were you, I'd jump at the first chance. Have you smelled this guy's socks?" Michael contributed, grinning.

"Hey!" Terry pouted. "You're supposed to be on my side."

"I'm on your side," Padma consoled him mockingly, patting him on the head.

"So you think my socks smell like rose gardens and rainbows?"

She laughed. "No, I think they give off this nice perfume of rotten eggs, actually. But," she added as he gaped with an appalled expression, "I kinda like you anyway."

As Padma snuggled closer into his arms, and the three of them continued to banter, she pretended not to notice the furtive looks both boys kept sending up the stairs. She wanted to be happy. But it seemed she was the only one in school who still had everyone she really cared about alive and in safety, _and_ she had her friends and her boyfriend. It didn't seem fair, somehow, to be here in Terry's arms when Parvati was surely crying her eyes out wondering where Dean was, when Terry was worrying about Derek, Michael didn't have Cho here, and everyone else had either lost someone they loved or was in all probability about to do so. And Anthony had been caring about Hannah for a year now, but worrying too much about getting hurt to do something about it. And now he had, and there he was, hurt. It wasn't fair. And, Padma thought bitterly, Hannah had no idea what she was missing out on.

**A/N: **If you're interested, check out the new chapter of my story _**Moments**_ (a series of independent oneshots), which is sort of a missing moment from the last chapter here. Dumbledore's funeral through Terry's POV.

Now, please let me know what you thought!


	11. Seventh Year, Part II

**A/N: **Okay, so even if I do want to explore this year more thoroughly than the others, I will be skipping some details. I hope it won't feel too jumpy here and that you'll get the general picture. Anyway, just read on and enjoy!

_**Seventh Year. Part II.**_

Ginny had been the first one they'd asked to demonstrate the Cruciatus Curse, on Luna Lovegood. She had refused, as expected, and had been punished for her disobedience a thousand times worse than Lovegood would have suffered from a curse the thrower wouldn't have truly meant. That was three days ago, and Ginny had just been let out of the Hospital Wing, after one night in the dungeons with some kind of torture that the others could only imagine. She still looked horrible as she arrived at the DA meeting, ashen-faced and wincing every time she moved too fast.

It was Longbottom who spoke up. "Okay. So they think they've got a hold over us. They'll want to use it as much as possible – they'll ask us to hurt each other, and they'll have an excuse to hurt us like hell when we refuse. What do we do?"

Everyone exchanged shrugs, until Lovegood spoke up, in an almost unrecognizably undreamy voice. "Well, I think that Ginny should have done it. It wouldn't have been that bad, since she didn't mean it. It would have been better for everyone, I think."

Ginny opened her mouth to protest, but Longbottom raised his hand. Padma knew he was one of the few people who could get Ginny to quiet down when she didn't want to. "Y'know, Luna _has_ a point," he said, cringing as he did as if expecting massive protests.

Instead, Seamus spoke up. "I agree. Any o' ya get asked to do't to me, jus' do't."

Her face pale, Lavender nodded. It was probably only Padma who detected the slight tremble in Parvati's voice as she said "Me too".

Soon, the whole room had agreed, some more hesitantly than others. Padma was one of the last. She'd never imagined herself telling anyone to torture her if they had to, but she also knew that this was the reasonable thing to do. It was. If they did, they'd have some semblance of control over it. Plus, they'd not give the Carrows what they wanted.

The meeting ended quickly after this decision had been made. Susan and Ernie were the last ones out of the room, smiling a little more broadly at each other than they probably should, since their closest friend Hannah had been too upset to attend today. Soon, it was just the three leaders, Padma, Michael, Terry and Anthony. This time, it was Michael who stalled.

"Gin, you comin'?" Longbottom questioned, placing his hand on her shoulder.

Ginny jumped at his touch, looking at him, disoriented. Obviously, she had been deeply lost in her thoughts. "Wh-what?"

"Are you coming?" he asked again, frowning in concern.

Her eyes searched the room, locking with Michael's for a brief second. Then she, looking surprised herself, shook her head. "No. You guys go ahead. I'll just – I'll be right behind you, 'kay?"

Still looking puzzled, Longbottom left the room. Padma noticed him grasping Lovegood's hand, as soon as he had made sure that Ginny was looking the other way, though.

As soon as the door was closed, Ginny bowed her head, waiting. Anthony took a step backwards, as if he was trying to melt into the wallpaper. Terry kept his eyes on the floor. Simultaneously, Padma and Michael stepped forward.

"Hey, Ginny," Padma said gently.

Ginny merely nodded, still not lifting her head. Padma watched Michael set his jaw, and then step so close to her that he could be touching her, if he wanted to.

"Ginny," he murmured.

Seemingly just from the mention of her name, or from the sound of his voice, or simply because of everything that was wrong with the world, Ginny's shoulders started shaking. She didn't look up.

Without a word, Terry and Anthony left the room. Padma hesitated, wondering if this conversation was too private for her to be present. Her eyes pleaded with Michael for an answer. "It's okay," he said softly to his former girlfriend. "It's just us now, and Padma. You want her to go too?"

But Ginny shook her head, croaking out, "I-It's fine."

"Okay then," Michael nodded, reaching out to pull her into his arms. It amazed Padma how he was able to do this, like it was no big deal. It should be. He and Ginny had barely spoken since their awful break-up, a year and a half previously. She had hurt him, badly. She had moved on to get together first with the boy he had accused her of flirting with and then with the boy he had known, deep down, that she had always been pining for. He was still sort of together with the girl he had started dating just a week after their break-up. And yet, despite all of their painful, awkward history, here he was, simply embracing her as she wept. Padma was amazed, and yet she wasn't. It was just Michael, really, to do something like this.

"You gonna be okay?" he questioned as she made to release herself, wiping at her eyes in frustration.

She dropped her scowl, and her face fell again. She shrugged, seemingly not yet ready for words. For a moment, she just looked so lost that Padma acted without thinking, giving the girl a tight hug herself. Ginny was surprised, first, but then she just gave into it.

"You miss him, don't you?" Michael's voice was level, any trace of bitterness wiped away with time and circumstances.

Padma almost gasped. If anyone else would have asked Ginny that, she was sure they would have been hexed to the moon or further. With Michael, however, there was something so simple about the way he just knew things and then said them. You couldn't be mad at him for it.

Ginny nodded. "And – and my brother," she whispered, and began dabbing at her face furiously again. "Shit. I'm not – I don't – "

"I know," Michael nodded, giving her a half-smile. "It's all right, though."

Ginny merely shook her head, not giving any further explanation. Instead, she blew out a breath and forced a change of subject in a tone that didn't open for arguing. "How're you and Cho doing?"

Michael's face darkened, but he spoke (surprisingly, since he hadn't brought up Cho in weeks, and Padma, Terry and Anthony had assumed asking was out of bounds), his voice unnaturally monotone. "She's not here. I am. It – _sucks_."

Ginny gave a weak smile. "Yeah. I know a bit about that." She waited a beat, biting her lip, this time succeeding in keeping the tears at bay. "At least you can write, though, right?"

Michael nodded. "Yeah. At least for now. Not sure how long it's gonna be possible, but yeah, for now, I guess we're lucky. Even if it's bloody hell _not_ the same just to have a few words about nothing important…"

"I guess not," Ginny said, still looking unconvinced. Padma couldn't blame her. Just a line saying that Cho was okay was a lot more than Ginny got from Harry these days.

"You gonna be all right now?" Michael repeated.

Ginny hesitated, then nodded. "Yeah. I s'ppose so. I'll just have to watch out so I don't catch Luna and Neville snogging their asses off on my way back." Seeing both Michael and Padma's shocked expression, she gave a small smile. "Oh, come on, like you haven't seen the way they're on about each other? It's just for show they're not doing it every second of every day. They don't think I can handle it or something. Which I can, obviously. I just – I'd prefer not to meet up with them right now."

"Okay then. You know, I could walk you back, and let my manly footsteps scare off unwanted people on the way?" Michael suggested.

"Thanks, but no thanks." This time, Ginny actually grinned, if only for a second. "Really. I'll be fine. They can't lock me in the dungeons just for bloody walking, can they?"

xxx

It was October, and Seamus and Lavender's very relationship-like situation had finally crossed the line. They had become a couple, who not only touched each other very frequently, or hugged and comforted each other, but who actually kissed, too.

"You all right with all this?" Padma asked her sister with a furrowed brow as she had gotten this piece of news reported to her in a frighteningly detached voice.

Parvati forced a smile. "Why wouldn't I be?" Padma merely looked at her. Parvati's grin faded as she realized that this was her sister, who knew her well enough to _know_. "Fine. I'm not, really. I should be, I know that. She's been fancying him forever, forget the whole Ron business last year. In fact, that makes her even more deserving of this, because he was a real prat!" Parvati caught herself, swallowing. Padma thought she saw something like guilt in her sister's face, something like _you shouldn't speak ill of the dead, or the possibly and quite probably dead soon_. "Anyway," Parvati continued, shaking herself with a sigh. "She deserves Shay, who really does care about her. And I know he needs her, with D-Dean not being here. He's been a mess, y'know. Lavender tells me he's not sleeping, but you can tell that just from looking at him. The guy's a bloody walking corpse. If it wasn't for her, he'd probably forget to even put food in his mouth." Padma knew Parvati was right about this. She had seen Seamus too, in DA meetings, in class, in the halls, his eyes haunted and lost (even if this eased remarkably whenever Lavender was around).

"That still doesn't change the fact that you're not happy about this," Padma pointed out softly, putting her hand on her sister's, whose face fell again.

She took a deep breath. "Guess it doesn't. I wish it did, though. But I just – well, it's not that easy, watching the two of you with your boyfriends, when – y'know."

Padma didn't know what to say. Sorry? Instead, she just pulled her sister into a hug. "You do know you should probably tell Lavender about this too," she said as they let go.

"Why?" It was obvious from Parvati's eyes that she did know this, but that she didn't want to.

"Because she needs to know. She's your best friend. You're hurting. She needs to know, and we both know she would take this a lot better if it came from you rather than from me."

Parvati gave a soft chuckle. "Well, you're right about _that_. If it were you, she'd probably think you were trying to steal Shay or something, despite you still being disgustingly happy with Terr."

"See? You've got no choice here, okay? If it was her, wouldn't you want to know?"

Parvati made a grimace, and then nodded grudgingly. Padma hoped this meant she would actually do something about this, but had a sneaking feeling she wouldn't. Still, she didn't press the matter. Right now, Parvati needed her. After all, she had told her. That was better than no one, really.

xxx

"We – have – to go," Padma panted against Terry's lips that were driving her absolutely crazy. "We'll be – _late_!" she protested, just as his tongue did something that made her forget just why that was so important.

"Just a – few seconds," Terry mumbled, his eyes burning with _need_. He needed her to keep kissing him. She needed him to keep kissing her. Just a few seconds more, how could that matter?

It could. Because that was when the classroom door was banged open by the triumphant Alecto Carrow. "I _thought _I heard something," she grinned maliciously. "Now, who do we have here, but our very own little Miss _Prefect_? Well, well, _well_. You know, I'm gonna have to put you in detention, Miss Patil. You _really_ should be setting up a better example for the other students."

Padma was frozen, remembering how Neville had looked coming back from detention, and Ginny, Luna, Ernie, Seamus, Lavender, Parvati… It seemed to be getting worse, too, when the scaring off effect apparently wasn't working.

Terry, however, took a step forward, his knuckles white. "You can't do that! It's not even past curfew yet!"

"And _how_ exactly were you and Miss Patil planning to return to your common room within the next thirty seconds, I wonder?" Alecto asked silkily.

"Well, we might've made it if _you_ hadn't been here, preventing us, wouldn't we? What kind of shit is that – giving out effin' detentions for crimes _you've_ made us commit, huh?"

"Language, Mr Boot," Alecto said, still grinning, while shaking her head. "Actually, I was just going to put your little friend here in detention, who should've known better, but since you are practically begging for it…"

"Then put me in detention instead! It's crap anyway, just punishing her. We both know you were just looking for whatever reason to punish her 'cause you caught her talking with Neville and Ginny this morning. But you know what – _speaking _is not a fucking crime!"

Alecto had dropped her grin, and her mouth had now grown very thin. "I'll see you _both _in detention tomorrow evening, eight o'clock." With that, she stormed out of the room.

xxx

Padma hadn't cried, before. She had looked at Terry's thin lips, and she had known she couldn't. They had walked down together, trying to not think about the grim, worried faces of Anthony and Michael they had left behind. She had tried to keep her hand from shaking in his, but she wasn't sure she'd succeeded.

It was frightening. Walking to your torture, to unimaginable pain.

_Neville's face, slashed open. Ginny, trembling with exhaustion and aching all over_.

She _could _do this. Sure, Padma had never experienced anything like this – she hadn't even ever broken a bone before this. So she didn't know for sure that she could do this. But she had to. Ginny and Parvati had (but Ginny and Parvati were strong, so much stronger than her).

Now, she knew for sure that she couldn't. It felt as though every fibre of her was blazing with fire, and her mind had been wiped blank from anything else. It was unbearable. And then it stopped, for just a few seconds. For just a few seconds, she sank shakily back to the floor, and she looked into Draco Malfoy's white face, wide eyes.

Then a sound pierced her heart. His howls of agony, of desperate pain. It had been there before too, obviously, but she hadn't really heard it, though her own haze. Now, she heard it. She heard exactly how much he was trying to push every sound back down, still fighting it, to not give in, and to not let her hear. But he couldn't. He couldn't.

She knew why, as she carefully turned her head and saw Crabbe's face shining with delight at his victim's failed attempts at resistance.

As she clasped her hands to her mouth, a sob escaped her. She felt the tears that had been clinging to her eyelashes start to run freely, as she realized there was _nothing_ she could do.

Right then, a rough hand slapped her cheek back to the ground. Her face hit the cold stone floor, and she could feel her left eyebrow start to throb fiercely. While she felt it with her fingertips, recognizing an already beginning swelling, she heard Amycus Carrow bark at Malfoy to get a move on.

She caught a glimpse of Malfoy's clenched jaw, and still pale face, before he muttered the curse and her body started burning again. This time, though, she never stopped hearing Terry.

**A/N: **Let me know what you think, okay?


	12. Seventh Year, Part III

**A/N: **Bit later than I'd planned to post this, but here you go. More'll follow soon, I hope.

_**Seventh Year. Part III. **_

When Amycus Carrow had at last given the signal for Crabbe and Malfoy to stop, Terry had been wavering, close to losing consciousness. Padma had been trembling as well, but she had managed to make it to her feet. Somehow, with his arm draped heavily around her shoulders and her soft whispers (that she tried desperately to keep from sounding choked with tears) encouraging him take just another step, and one more, they had made it to the hospital wing.

The last thing Padma could remember was Madam Pomfrey releasing Terry from her grasp. Then her world had went black.

When she woke up, it was to see Michael's face, even paler than usual in the dark room, staring down at her. "Oh, bloody Rowena's knickers," he breathed out as he caught sight of her open eyes. "Hey, she's awake!" he called, and a second later, Anthony was at her bedside too, a relieved grin spreading across his face.

Despite the way her head was pounding, Padma tried to sit up. "How's Terry?"

Michael's firm hands pushed her back onto her pillows. "He's – not awake yet. He'll be fine, though, Pomfrey says," he hurried to add as Padma fought to get up again.

"You're sure?" she demanded, catching the still worried lines around his eyes.

"'M _fine_," came suddenly a soft groan from the bed next to hers. As Padma wiped her suddenly swimming eyes, and both Michael and Anthony let out sharp breaths they had apparently been holding, Terry grinned weakly. "You lot really are a bunch of drama queens, aren't you?"

"Ever scare us like that again and _I'll_ make sure to torture you myself," Michael muttered, still looking taken.

Terry kept grinning, attempting to lift his arm to smack his friend, but failing. As the others' faces fell, his eyes found Padma's. "You all right?" he asked in a low voice, intimate enough to make Michael and Anthony fade graciously into the background.

She nodded, even if it hurt a little, biting back a grimace that she was sure he saw anyway. But she didn't trust her voice to speak, not now.

"You're not," he said softly, his eyes burning into hers.

"_You're_ not!" she exclaimed, her voice cracking. "I heard you, and it – it was so much worse than – and you _shouldn't've_ even been there, you didn't have to and you – you shouldn't have done that!"

He bowed his head, and waited while she wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry," he said earnestly, swallowing. "I just – I _couldn't_ let them – "

"I don't need you to – to protect me," she whispered.

"I know." His eyes sought hers now, nodding. "I know. But I – I can't let them – but I'm sorry I couldn't resist them better. I should've. I thought I'd – "

She shook her head. "Stop," she whispered. "Just stop. I know you couldn't. You couldn't've done anything. I know."

Defying the exhaustion that seemed to reach her very bones, Padma made to get out of her bed, just for a moment, just to kiss him, just once. But in a second, she was reminded that Michael was still in the room, as he was by her side in less than a second, pushing her gently back into bed. "No snogging for you two tonight, you hear me?" he said, mock-sternly. "Pomfrey's orders."

Terry sniggered. "Pomfrey told you we weren't allowed to snog?"

"She told me to make sure neither of you got out of bed, so that she wouldn't have to deal with you two for the next bloody month or so. So you, _stay there_," he said as Terry had made to sit up again.

xxx

Parvati swore as she entered the hospital wing the following morning, accompanied by Lavender, biting her lip, and Seamus, glancing wearily at the bruised Terry. "Oh _shit_! I can't believe they did this to you. Pad, I can't believe I wasn't even here – but why didn't you tell me you'd be having det-detention?"

Padma merely shrugged. Why hadn't she told her sister? Because speaking of it out loud, seeing her horrified expression – it would've made it even more impossible. Michael and Anthony knowing had been more than too much already.

She allowed her sister to give her a tight hug, even if her ribs still felt sore. She knew Parvati needed it. To Padma's surprise, it was Lavender who spoke up, after having caught her cringing slightly. "Parvati, you – you should be a bit more careful," she said in a voice far from the stiffness of earlier years. As Padma met her eyes, they were actually filled with concern.

Parvati looked up, surprised, and then went on to offer endless apologies, despite Padma telling her repeatedly that she was fine. Which was almost as good as true. She would be. Soon.

xxx

That evening, Padma was allowed to get up, and Terry was allowed to sit up. Which meant that Padma spent every Madam Pomfrey-free second joining him on his bed, holding his hand, kissing him gently, letting him stroke her hair in that way that made her feel like nothing could ever be wrong with the world again…

As they went to bed however, Padma was forced to grudgingly return to her own bed. Then, after what felt like only a few seconds of sleep (but must've been more, since rays of sunlight was already lurking behind the curtains), she was awakened by his hands shaking her carefully. Before she could take in the fact that he was on his feet despite not being allowed, and that his face had already gone ashen, she realized with a start that her cheeks were wet and that her body was still trembling with violent gasps. Images were flooding her only half-awake brain; of Terry, half-unconscious, his screams…

And then, the present; him wavering as he stood, looking down upon her with wide eyes.

"Get back to bed," she managed to gasp out, as she attempted to force her breathing under control.

But he shook his head, his eyes shining with worry, even as his knees jerked, as if they were very, very close to giving way beneath him. Wordlessly, she instead moved over, giving him space in her own bed. In seconds, his arm was around her, and she was crying hard into his chest.

They were still sat like that when Parvati, Lavender and Seamus entered the room.

Taking in Padma's salt-streaked cheeks and puffy eyes, Lavender looked frightened and Seamus made to turn around. Parvati, however, gave them both stern looks. They recoiled and followed her, taking the seats around Padma's bed.

Seamus scratched his head, obviously still uncomfortable. "You guys want – y'know, some privacy?" Parvati kicked him.

Terry chuckled as he saw Seamus flinch. "It's fine, mate, it's fine. Plus, I think she'd kick both of our asses if we said otherwise," he added, gesturing to Parvati's low eyebrows. "And, personally, I think I've had enough of that for this week."

Seamus nodded, giving a hesitant grin, as if unsure whether Terry had been joking or not.

"I'd say so," Lavender contributed, cringing as she took in his appearance. "Shouldn't you – shouldn't you be getting better by now?"

"I am," Terry shrugged. "Allowed to sit up and everything."

"Not move, though?" Parvati questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Terry's colour heightened as he shook his head slowly, mumbling something inaudible.

"About that – we probably should get you back to your bed," Padma spoke up. "Madam Pomfrey could be back any minute."

"I'll risk it," Terry said, the note in his voice not opening for arguments. Padma understood, remembering with a shiver the way he had looked like earlier when he'd decided to attempt standing up. He did not know Seamus or Lavender well enough to let them see him like that. Really, he didn't know Parvati that well, either. She did. But usually, she would have cared that Seamus and Lavender saw her tears, or the traces of them. Now, though, she was definitely beyond caring.

Squeezing his hand to show that she had understood, and that she was willing to risk it too, she leaned back into his shoulder.

The five of them had never really spent much time together, except in larger groups, but as they sat, the conversation slowly flowed more freely. After half an hour, Seamus and Terry were joking around moderately naturally, and Lavender was even asking Padma tentatively about how bad it had been, getting tortured (making Parvati look very smug).

"So, what'd you guys do to get in detention, anyway?" Seamus asked.

"Well, y'know when there's a highly attractive girl and you're snogging her and you sort of forget all about shit like time and curfews…" Terry trailed off, grinning as he placed a quick kiss on Padma's forehead.

"I'll have to say I do," Seamus smirked, grabbing Lavender's hand, making her whole face light up with surprise. Padma noticed how Parvati's eyes fell to the floor when she was met by this sight.

Before she could ponder more about it, though, Terry's face was close to hers again, leaning in for a deeper kiss that made her forget everything else.

It was Seamus' voice that brought her back to reality. "Hey. You okay there, Parvati?"

It was the high pitch of Parvati's voice that alerted her, and made her feel like a horrible sister for letting herself forget. "'Course. Fine. I just – I think I need to get some air, s'all." And, all eyes on her, Parvati stood up and walked out.

Padma's eyes met Lavender's and after a brief silent communication, they both stood up, Lavender whispering something to Seamus that made him sit back down and Padma telling Terry that she'd be back.

They found Parvati in the closest girl's bathroom, leaning heavily against the sink, taking deep breaths. She didn't look up as they entered, she simply closed her eyes.

Wordlessly, they made their way to her side, putting their hands on a shoulder each.

"What's going on?" Lavender asked, her brow furrowed in concern.

Parvati just shook her head, a few hot tears spilling from her closed eyes.

"It's Dean, isn't it?" Padma whispered. Parvati's lip started to tremble. "You didn't tell her, did you?"

"What exactly did you not tell me?" Lavender's voice had regained some of its sharpness.

"Th-that I'm the worst f-friend _ever_. Just 'cause he's off and probably never coming back doesn't mean I have the right to hate that you two have your boyfriends and are so – are so – "

Lavender put her arms more firmly around her friend. "You're not the worst friend ever. Just like Shay isn't the worst boyfriend ever, even if he's _always_ distracted and always thinking about Dean and needing him more than me. This war-business, it – it changes things."

That was only too true, Padma thought, as she met Lavender's eyes again, and nodded, agreeing with her and giving her the confirmation that she was doing an okay job. Lavender gave her a small smile in return.


	13. Seventh Year, Part IV

**_Seventh Year. Part IV._**

She hadn't done this before. She wasn't mouthy, like the Gryffindors. When she absolutely had to, she broke the rules, but when she did, she was usually smooth enough not to get caught.

The Gryffindors had all been beaten more than once, _and_ they'd been forced to torture each other more times than they were able to count. She hadn't. She'd gotten this far by being a quiet, nice girl who didn't cause any real harm. Except that she'd been caught snogging with Terry, one of the worse non-Gryffindor rebellions. They didn't like that. And they could no longer have any doubts about her sympathies.

So, they'd jumped at the first excuse, sending her and Terry to detention. And now, they were taking every chance they got to scare her into backing down, or even better, change sides. Before, they'd let her lay low in class, not giving her the difficult questions when she never raised her hand. After last week, everything was different.

They were trying to get to her, she knew that. The trouble was, it worked. She'd frozen when Alecto directed the word to her, requesting her to agree. She'd hesitated, and just for that, she was being punished in the worst way possible.

Her whole body was trembling, and she bit down on her lip hard to keep it from giving her away. She would _not_ give in to the sneering Alecto. She would not give her the satisfaction of her tears.

Swallowing hard, she looked down into Anthony's set face. When she met his eyes, though, he jerked his eyebrow, in a just-do-it kind of way. When she still hesitated, he nodded, more firmly. She knew what they had decided. She knew he'd blame himself if she didn't do it and they'd hurt her. But – what about how much _she'd _blame _her_self?

She didn't look at anyone else. She couldn't bear to let her eyes seek out Michael or Terry, who were probably disgusted with what she was about to do. (She wondered, desperately, if _they_ would have been able to do it.)

Anthony's eyes were in hers and there was a seriousness in there, an urgency. He needed her to do this. To get it over with. And to do it, because that was what they had decided. The Gryffindors, even Parvati, had done it. (They were brave, though, weren't they? She wasn't.)

"C-crucio."

She wanted to close her eyes, but couldn't. She watched, horrified, as his face contorted. He didn't scream.

As her wand flickered, Alecto was right there, her hand on her shoulder. "You don't want to stop just yet, Miss Patil. He hasn't got what he deserves."

So she continued, seeing more and more colour drain from Anthony's face.

After class was over, she didn't wait for Terry's hand, Michael's concerned frown or Anthony's assurances that he was fine. She walked straight to the girl's bathroom, and threw up.

xxx

Michael and Anthony swore as the door to the Room of Requirement was pushed open. Terry was the first to get up, relieving the surprisingly calm Lavender of her burden – a half-conscious Seamus, whose right arm was dangling at a very wrong angle.

"The Carrows," she said simply, her jaw set, her cheeks dry. Then, as Michael and Terry heaved Seamus into a sofa, her lip started to tremble. "I – I didn't know what else to do. The hospital wing was so far – and I didn't want them to – to catch up with us again. I – can you help him?" Her desperate question was directed at Padma, who was taken aback. "Parvati says you want to be a Healer, and that you're really good at those spells. Please, his arm is broken, and I _suck_ at Healing and I just don't want him to – to be in pain."

"I – I'm not – I've never healed a bone before," Padma spluttered, feeling her heart rate increase rapidly.

Lavender's shining eyes pleaded with her. "Please. He – he was saying some things and he just – they were supposed to take him to the dungeon to stay all night, but I managed to get him here. Please, Padma."

Slowly, she nodded. "I – I'll try," she said, her voice trembling more than she would have liked it to.

Taking a deep breath, she performed the spell. Closing her eyes, she waited for the reactions. _Please oh holy Rowena, I can't have let her down the first time she's ever asked me for anything!_

A soft groan from the sofa told her that she had done it right. Seamus was coming around, and as Padma gingerly felt his arm, he didn't howl in pain as he definitely would have if it still had been broken. Giving a relieved giggle, she turned to Lavender, who gave her a truly grateful smile, before moving to hug her boyfriend tightly.

"Quite impressive, I'd say, little Miss Healer-to-be," Michael said, patting her shoulder.

"Definitely impressive," Anthony agreed, still looking quite awestruck.

"Earned a kiss, I believe," Terry grinned, leaning in to kiss her hard, making her heart speed up again, just as it had began to calm down. "It's kinda hot, y'know, you being all heroic," he mumbled so that only she could hear it.

xxx

Padma had stopped breaking down. Last year, it was still possible. Back then, Parvati was still giggling more than she was crying. Both she, Terry and Michael were then strong enough to hold her up. This year, the roles had been reversed, at least between the twins. Padma was the one holding Parvati up.

So Padma had stopped breaking down. It simply wasn't the time for that. Because Parvati needed her, and she owed her this, after all of their childhood years of Parvati being the strong one. Now, Padma had no right to be weak. Terry was there, supporting her, being a wonderful boyfriend. Dean was gone. It was her turn.

Her nightmares did resurface now and then, though, and there wasn't anything she could do to stop that (no matter how hard she tried to simply snap herself out of it, telling herself it didn't do anyone any good). But Parvati and the boys didn't need to know about that (especially Terry, who'd only feel like it was his fault because it was his screams she was being haunted by). All that happened was that she was shaken awake by Mandy, while Lisa ran for a glass of water and a tissue.

They never spoke of these incidents the morning after. Padma assumed this was because the other two girls didn't feel they were close enough to her to have the right to ask. She had after all drifted apart from the two of them even more this year. Even if Padma had never been a part of them completely, and had always felt she belonged more with her boys, it was more obvious than ever this year. Mandy and Lisa kept as far away from the fighting as possible. Padma joined in, even if she didn't do it nearly as forcefully and risk-takingly as Ginny and Neville. Plus, this year, Padma had grown even closer to her boys, while she had also established a more regular contact with her sister, Lavender and Seamus. Which meant that there hadn't been much time for Mandy and Lisa.

But while Padma had stopped breaking down, the people around her in the DA fell down more and more often, even the strongest ones. Ginny. Parvati. Seamus. Hannah. Terry (he never let his façade completely slip with her, but she knew anyway, both from what she saw for herself and from what Michael had told her about how he was having nightmares too – about her, them, and his brother). Michael (even if he never did it fully, always keeping up his brave grin, she noted with her heart aching the way his gaze just dazed off when he thought no one was looking). Anthony never had any moments like that, never showed any weakness, but she knew him well enough to know that this didn't mean he didn't feel this situation as bad as the rest of them. Frankly, she understood him all too well. He was like her, forcing himself to snap out of it, because his friends had it worse.

But they helped each other, through the breakdowns. Never let anybody get fully reckless and jeopardize too much – even if Ginny could get very close sometimes, and no one but Neville and Luna would attempt even to try and talk her out of something when she'd had her mind made up.

They helped each other, and Padma quickly realized her place as a comforter, not as a crier. What did she have to cry about, with not having lost anyone she loved (yet) and not even having any of them missing or in any particular danger (their parents weren't fighting, they were in hiding in a house which their father was Secret-Keeper to). Really, compared to the others – compared to Hannah, Ginny, Seamus or Parvati – she had nothing to cry about.

One other DA member who, in theory, had nothing to cry about either was Lavender Brown. Her parents were also safely away, and while she had known Dean, she couldn't be expected to feel the loss of him like Seamus or Parvati. She had both her best friend and boyfriend present.

Yet, in November, Padma found Lavender on the floor in an empty corridor, leaning against the wall like her knees had simply given way, her shoulders shaking violently. Hesitantly, Padma took a step forward. Lavender's head shot up, obviously expecting a Carrow or Slytherin. When she spotted Padma, though, she unexpectedly didn't even try to hide her tears. She just met Padma's eyes with her red ones, desperation and exhaustion shining plainly from every part of her appearance. She looked so tragic that Padma just couldn't not slump down beside her, gently putting her arm around the girl.

For a while, Lavender didn't speak. She didn't shake Padma off, she leaned into her offered comfort, but she didn't speak, she simply continued to cry. When Terry came, a few steps behind her, giving her a questioning look, Padma waved him away mutely. He nodded, and left. Lavender saw this exchange, but didn't comment.

Not until the intensity of her sobs had started to fade slightly, did Lavender form actual words. "I – I can't do this any-anymore. I – I _hate_ this, all of it! Shay, he, he's stopped s-sleeping now, and I want to be there and be awake with him, but I'm so _tired_ and I _need_ to sleep, but I can't just tell him he can have his nightmares and – and I can't even talk to Parvati, 'cause she's so u-upset about D-Dean too, so she just – and I just _can't _help them! Nothing I say makes any bloody difference anyway, but I can't just _not_ help them, but – I'm so tired. I can't do it. I _can't_."

Padma didn't have anything to say to this. She knew exactly what Lavender was talking about, and yet, she was no closer to the solution. Wasn't it their duty to help the ones in more need? Even if it broke them? Or, could they cross a line, where they too needed some help from all the helping?

Lavender leaned her head against Padma's shoulder for a few more minutes, and Padma heard her breathing slowly ease. Then, she abruptly started wiping her eyes, and sat back up. She stopped, though, before walking away, looking Padma in the eyes. "Thanks," she mumbled, and gave a small, weak grin, before hurrying away.

Padma merely nodded, forcing her lips to turn upwards too. She should probably be glad that Lavender, after all these years, had chosen her to break down with. That they, despite all evidence in the past to the contrary, were starting to form a friendship. But she couldn't be. Lavender was like her, and yet, she had found Padma's shoulder to cry on. Padma had no one.

(Of course, she did have Terry, Michael and Anthony. But they didn't need her weeping. They had enough going on, with Cho missing, Derek fighting and Nathalie being way too much of a Gryffindor.)

xxx

They were on their way to a DA meeting when Nathalie jumped up on Anthony's back. By habit, he caught her and she put her arms around his neck, peeking over his shoulder. She gazed into his face for a few seconds, then her smile faltered. "You're on your way to one of those secret meetings, aren't you? The ones that Mum and Dad told you to stay away from?"

Anthony kept his expression blank. "I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, c'mon Tony. I'm not stupid. I hear things. A couple of my class-mates are even talking about joining up with you lot. And I figured – "

But he firmly shook his head, putting her down. "No way. _No way_. Not that I'm admitting to being on my way to any such meeting, but _you_ are staying as far away from them as absolutely possible."

"But I want to help!" she said earnestly, grabbing his hand. "Tony, I'm not a kid anymore. I _know_ what's going on and I need to learn – "

"No, you don't, because you're not going to be involved in any of this."

"But I already am! It's happening _here_, and I'm here. You can't change that!"

Michael put his arm carefully on Anthony's shoulder. "She does have a point. Maybe she should come, just to learn. Not to do stuff, obviously, just – "

But Anthony shook him off and turned to him with very thin lips. "Just shut up, okay? You have no idea – just shut the hell up when you don't know what you're talking about!"

Michael raised his hands in a defensive gesture, but backed a few steps and didn't protest.

Nathalie grabbed her chance. "See? Even he thinks I should have the right to come."

"He's not your brother, is he? You_ can't_. It's – too much. Hell, it's too much for _me_ sometimes, and I – I'm saying please here. I'm saying please, Nat, just trust me on this. Keep out of it. For me."

Even Nathalie must've recognized the unusual intensity in Anthony's voice, because she nodded slowly, and then gave him a quick hug around the waist before walking back over to her friends.

"Don't," warned Anthony in a low voice as soon as she was out of earshot and Terry opened his mouth. "Just – don't."

Both boys backed away. Padma hesitated, then took a deep breath and bit her lip, deciding that it was worth the at least moderately smaller risk that he'd snap at her too, and put her hand on his shoulder. For a moment, he stiffened, but he didn't shake her off.

They were slightly late to the meeting and Padma couldn't focus when her eyes kept flickering over to where Hannah Abbott stood, half-wavering, her eyes red and blinking too fast. Anthony stood next to Padma (he'd chosen to avoid close proximity to Michael), and she noticed that his gaze was fixed on the same part of the room as hers was.

Once the meeting was over, she glanced at him, asking him without words if he wanted to try to do something. Then she caught the exhaustion behind his eyelids and how tense he still was after the conversation with Nathalie, and she gave a short nod.

"I'll tell Terr you'll come later," he said gruffly. "And – er…"

She gave another nod, and shooed him away, because now she had the room to herself, except for Hannah, Susan and Ernie. Hannah's friends didn't appear to be noticing anything unusual about her, though. They were chatting on, cheerfully, seemingly used to her not contributing by now.

"You comin', Hannah?" Ernie asked as they stepped towards the door.

"Actually," Padma interrupted, feeling her colour heightening (she really never had been the type of person to actually seek out people she hardly knew to offer them a shoulder to cry on – it hadn't been her, but the situation was now way beyond caring about overstepping or embarrassing yourself), "I was wondering if I could talk to you, Hannah."

Ernie raised his eyebrows, and Susan looked suddenly suspicious. Padma felt a rush of anger – it wasn't as though she was trying to steal Susan's best friend. She was simply trying to offer her something that Susan obviously wasn't providing her with, too busy flirting with Hannah's ex-boyfriend (Padma knew they were trying to be discreet, but they weren't succeeding very well).

Hannah was the one who spoke up. "All right," she said, nodding in her direction before turning to her friends. "You heard her. Go on."

When Susan slammed the door behind them, Hannah turned to Padma with a faint smile. "She's – kind of protective of me. When someone else – "

Padma merely nodded slowly, trying to read in how much Hannah had understood about her two friends, not wanting to give it away and cause her more hurt than necessary.

Hannah gave a humourless laugh. "It's kinda funny, since _she's_ not – I mean, I don't blame her for being happy with Ern, I don't. But I wish she'd tell me, instead of sneaking around about it, like I'm too fragile or something. I'm not. But I hate that she's lying to me. And – and it makes her forget, and not see things. I mean, I get it, and I suppose I might've been like that when I was with him, I don't know. But – even _you_ noticed how much of a mess I am today." She chuckled again, while wiping her eyes quickly. "And Neville's noticed it loads of times, and even Anthony – I mean, she's there when I ask her to, I'm not – she's the best, I wouldn't've gone through this year, wouldn't've come back if she hadn't been here. I love her. I – I just wish she'd tell me, s'all."

This time, Hannah choked back a sob, and hurriedly pressed her hand to her mouth. "Merlin, I'm sorry," she gasped as tears started to stream down her face. "I – I didn't mean to – "

Padma bit her lip harder and went and put her arms around the other girl. "S'okay," she whispered, pushing down a wave of sadness as she felt the smaller girl shake in her embrace. "S'okay."

Once Hannah had calmed down, she hurried to wipe her eyes, her face suddenly reddening. "I'm so sorry," she mumbled. "About all this. I – I don't do this. I never even used to be able to speak about the weather or class except with my housemates. And now I'm breaking down all over the place. Sorry, Padma, you don't need this…"

"Stop," Padma said firmly, placing her hand on Hannah's shoulder and forcing a smile. She was getting rather good at keeping her own emotions at check while she did the comforting. Even if it, every time, broke her heart. "It's all right, really. _I_ asked you to talk to me. I just wanted to see if you needed to – well, and you did. You have nothing to be sorry about. Okay?"

Hannah nodded, closing her eyes for a second, and then giving a small smile herself. "Thanks, anyway. For noticing and for doing something about it. If you ever – "

Padma smiled and nodded, while thinking that she'd never take her up on it. Hannah had reasons to break down. She didn't.

**A/N: **Let me know what you think. Please?


	14. Seventh Year, Part V

**A/N: **I know, I know. I'm being slow. Again. And I can't promise a fast update either. I can promise that I'll try, but life's been crazy. I can promise that I'm not abandoning this, though. So even if it takes a while (which it might not, if I get some unexpected time again), don't give up on this, okay? And I know I'm very, very behind on replies, and I'm so sorry, but I figured better to spend my time updating than replying when I had some. So just know I'm very, very grateful, and so excited to hear from you new readers!

_**Seventh Year. Part V.**_

"So, what's your mindblowingly huge news?" Parvati questioned as she and Padma were joined by Lavender for their walk in the snow-covered grounds.

For a second, Lavender hesitated, glancing at Padma. Then her gaze softened for a second in Padma's. As she began to speak however, she turned to Parvati. "We – we did it. Last night. Me and Shay," she whispered in a tone somewhere between excitement and freak-out.

"When you say 'it', you mean – ?" Parvati questioned, gaping in shock.

Lavender nodded, swallowing. "Yeah. D'you think it was crazy? In the middle of all this, to – well, y'know? It's crazy, isn't it? Insane? Insensitive?"

"No." Parvati grabbed her hand, her gaze steady. "'Course not. It's _fine_," she added, at Lavender's still worried frown. "But – woah! How did – when – who – ?" she spluttered, taking in the situation.

Lavender gave her one more searching look before starting to answer her question, deciding that it was okay to keep talking about it. "Well – to be honest, I'm not really sure. It just sort of happened. I mean, we were alone up there, and we've been, y'know, snogging for like forever. It just kind of turned into something more this time."

"Well, was it any good then?" Parvati asked, having composed herself enough to give a playful smirk.

"I guess. Yeah. Kind of. I mean, I don't know how it's supposed to be," she shrugged. A beat passed while she seemed to struggle with herself, then she turned to Padma, biting her lip. "You and Terry, have you - ?"

Padma shook her head. She hesitated. "We were close, though. Last year."

"Last year? And then you haven't? Why not?" Lavender asked, frowning. "Is it because you think it's inappropriate now? D'you think I shouldn't've, now, either?"

Padma thought about it for a second, and realized with a start that they had never brought it up since their horrible fight at the end of last year, and that she since then had barely even thought about the possibility. There had been snogging, of course, but never had they been close…

"I – I don't know, actually. We haven't really talked about it. I don't think it's wrong, though. If it felt right for you two, then no one's to say it wasn't, are they?" she said, giving a small smile at the gratefulness in Lavender's relieved expression.

"You mean that?" When Padma nodded, she went on, her voice fast again. "But what if it wasn't right? How am I supposed to know if it felt right or not? I mean, he's a mess, and I'm kind of a mess, and everything's a bloody mess – and, and – ", she hesitated, once again glancing at Padma and seemingly fighting off an old aversion against confiding in her, "and he – he was all depressed, after. Thinking about – about Dean. I mean, he's always, but right _after_? I mean, I don't blame him, but – maybe it wasn't right, then. If it couldn't even make him forget…"

Parvati had frozen at the mention of Dean's name. Padma could see that the whole boyfriend and boyfriend-who-misses-Dean was becoming too much for her, so she pushed back her own awakened thoughts about possibilities and doubts, and took Lavender's gloved hand.

"Did it make you forget?" The question wasn't what she had planned. She had planned for something comforting, something _right. _Instead, the question she really wanted to know the answer to had blurted out. Lavender looked surprised for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah. It did. It was nice, actually. Like we were the only ones, and the world out there just – didn't matter. Or didn't even exist or something."

"Doesn't sound like it was wrong to me," Padma said, her comfort mode back on. "If it felt right, it was right. And it's not your fault for not making him forget about – about everything else." She replaced the "Dean" when she heard Parvati's fast breathing behind her, and knew neither Lavender nor Parvati would benefit from a breakdown right now.

Lavender nodded slowly, then gave a small chuckle. Padma gave her a puzzled look. "S-sorry," Lavender said shakily, shaking her head, still grinning. "I was just – well, I guess I should apologize for all the times I called you a selfish bitch in my mind." She cringed as she saw Padma's face falter. "I – I know I was wrong now, though. That's what I meant. And I was – I didn't know you. And I'm sorry. For that too."

"Okay," Padma nodded, and then gave a small smile. "And I – I'm sorry too."

Lavender raised her eyebrows questioningly.

Padma grinned at her. "I think some things are better left unsaid."

xxx

One month. It was less than a month left before the holidays, and Padma really could've used a break. Then, suddenly, the plans for stealing Gryffindor's Sword, which Ginny, Neville and Luna had been working on for months, were finalized. Padma almost groaned out loud when Ginny stated that they would be carrying them out this week.

It had been almost peaceful for a while. Almost. Nothing too dramatic. Sure, a few detentions for Neville and Ginny, but that was an almost weekly occurrence by now. Nothing big. And this – breaking into Snape's office and stealing a sword – Padma had a very distinct feeling the punishment for _that _would be a lot worse than for a few snide comments in class.

Frankly, she couldn't see the point in it. No one had really bothered to explain _why_ they were putting themselves at risk like this. Ginny had only said that it was supposed to be Harry's, and that was that. But how they were going to get it to him, no one seemed to have considered. Padma had. So, really, even if they managed this, it'd not really be of any use, and there was definitely no rush. No reason it couldn't wait until after the holidays.

But Ginny had that voice you couldn't argue with and Padma wasn't about to try. Nor, apparently, was anyone else.

Padma tried not to care. She tried to convince herself that since Parvati wasn't in on the actual mission (just on the distracting Snape part), it was none of her business. That since she or her boys weren't in at all, she had no right to express an opinion. But she had an opinion. The DA's job was to protect the students, both themselves and others. They were supposed to keep up everyone's morale and fight when that became necessary. Key word being _necessary_. They weren't supposed to be doing something like this, just because of Ginny's feelings. There was too much at stake.

But she kept this to herself, and hated herself for not speaking up when she heard they'd gotten caught.

When Ginny came to her after her third detention in the Forest, trembling with cold and pain, muttering something about a spider and Hagrid having been turned away, defending Luna, Padma only asked softly why Hagrid hadn't taken her to the Hospital Wing.

"Didn't want him to worry, did I?" Ginny said through gritted teeth, clutching her still oozing knee. "He'd only blame himself, make a big fuss, and then _they'd_ know they'd got to us. This way's better."

Padma frowned, but didn't protest or ask how Ginny could think it better that she'd been forced to limp around on a leg that would barely carry her weight, pretending that nothing was wrong, when Hagrid would have easily carried her up to the castle at once if she'd just told him. But she didn't say anything. It still wasn't her place.

Instead, she just hurriedly healed Ginny's knee, assured her she wouldn't tell anyone when she was asked not to, and sat there with her for a moment, not daring to give her a hug (only Michael would dare that when Ginny was in this state), but simply being there until the spell had worked.

Before Ginny left, she gave Padma a nod of thanks and, despite her distant manner, her eyes spoke of true gratitude. Left to herself again, Padma put her head in her hands, sighing. It had been stupid. She had been right. Yet, she hadn't said anything. She hadn't done anything to prevent it, and she knew, really, that she couldn't have. All she could do was this – help fix people up when they needed to. It wasn't enough. It made her feel really, really powerless. She wasn't able to stop this from getting worse.

xxx

Yet, somehow, the universe did oblige with her this once. No more incidents occurred before Christmas, and the very night before they were going home, Padma was actually able to relax a bit, in the sanctuary of her own common room.

"You guys going home for the holidays?" Michael asked Mandy and Lisa, who had joined the four of them around the common room fire.

Mandy shook her head. "Nope. Lisa's parents are off in France. Mine are in Belgium. To get away from all this. So we're going to them, but not home."

"But you're not staying here, then?" he clarified.

"'Course not," Lisa said with a shudder. Mandy quickly put her hand on her knee.

"You thinking about staying in France?" Anthony questioned gently, his eyes searching his ex-girlfriend's.

Her eyes widened at how well he read her mind. Even Mandy looked surprised. "We can't, Lisa, you know that. It's mandatory here, now, remember?"

Lisa's lower lip had started to tremble slightly. "I – I know. I just – they wouldn't be able to find me there, would they? And they probably wouldn't even bother about just a school kid not returning here, when there's so much else going on…"

"But, what about _me_?" Mandy demanded, her voice rising. "Were you even planning on telling me before you just didn't come back?"

"I – I never said – " Lisa stammered. "I didn't say I was gonna do it. I was just – I've _thought_ about it. And I'm _scared_!"

As tears started spilling from Lisa's eyes, Mandy firmly grabbed her hand and lead the two of them up to their dormitory.

"Shit," Michael mumbled, looking after them. "It's really getting bad now, if it's even getting those two to lash out on each other."

Padma could only nod, still shocked at the scene they had witnessed.

"Yeah," Anthony agreed, his brow furrowed. "I can't believe she's thinking of not coming back." He hesitated, then asked the question that was pressing too much in the air. "Er – none of you are, right? You'd tell us, I mean, if you were?"

Terry was first to respond. "'Course not. I'm going to my folks for Christmas, but after that, I'm here." He gave Padma's hand a small, significant, questioning squeeze.

"Me too," she whispered, then cleared her throat. "Me too," she repeated, meeting the three boys' concerned gazes in turn. "I'm sure." The truth was, she was. She didn't see it as a choice. She was involved now. Before this year, it had been different. Now, she was too deep into all of this to back out. And she needed to be there, for everyone, and to have them close to her. She needed to be at Hogwarts, because that was where everyone she loved except her parents were stationed. It was where she was supposed to be.

"Yeah. Me – me too," Michael said. "Even if it'd be bloody nice to actually see Cho over Christmas. But she doesn't think it's safe with someone knowing where she and her family are in hiding who's going back here, with the Carrows and all. I get that. And I," he blew out a breath of air, running his hands through his hair, "I've considered, y'know, joining them. She's offered, and all, but no. I'm here to stay."

"That makes four of us," Anthony concluded. "Mike, we are still coming over to your house for New Year's, are we?"

"Sure," he nodded, forcing a grin. "It'll not be that much of a party, though, with little Miss Patil here refusing my invitation."

Padma smacked him lightly in the chest, trying to regain some normalcy into their conversation. "S'not my fault my parents are insanely overprotective."

"You still haven't got any answer to whether they'll allow me in for a Christmas kiss, have you?" Terry asked, pecking her lips with a grin, sincerity lurking in his eyes.

"Actually, yeah, I have. This morning. They're not happy about it, but they're not forbidding it, so yeah. You can come."

Truthfully, the thought of Terry in her house, with her parents – it was intimidating. It meant seriousness and it might mean her father being all hostile and her mother asking him a thousand questions. That was what she would imagine, anyway, at the thought of having a boyfriend over. Neither she nor Parvati had ever put their parents through that test before, though, so really, anything was possible. Which didn't exactly make that pit in her stomach any lighter.

His fierce kiss of relief and joy that he wouldn't have to go the whole holidays without seeing her, though, was worth it.

**A/N: **So... what did you think?


	15. Seventh Year, Part VI

**A/N: **I can't possibly start this any other way: I am SO unbelievably sorry! I never meant for it to take this long. I had actually already started working on this chapter shortly after I posted the last one (which has been more months than I want to think about). But then life got crazy in new ways, and well, point is that it's been forever and I'm sorry. I really hope there are some of you out there that haven't completely given up on this.

Just to bring you back to where we are. In the last chapter, Lavender told Padma and Parvati about having sex for the first time with Seamus, and the Ravenclaws discussed the upcoming Christmas holidays when Terry would be paying a visit to Padma's house... Well, that's where we are.

Now, onto the** warning** I have to give about this chapter. Well, let's just say the story will be changing its rating to M for a reason. If you don't want to read, don't read.

_**Seventh Year. Part VI.**_

Padma almost jumped two feet when the doorbell rang. She was already in the hallway, pacing while trying to ignore Parvati's supposed-to-be-calming comments, such as: "I'm sure they won't _hate_ him – they'll just torture him a bit so they'll be sure he's serious about you, and then they'll realize he adores you and they'll go on to show him all your naked baby pics!"

Taking a deep breath and shooing Parvati upstairs, she opened the door to reveal her boyfriend, looking very self-conscious in his uncharacteristically dressed-up state. When their eyes met, though, there was a moment when they both just forgot about being in her house, with her parents in the next room. The too long absence caught up with her as she took in his clean-shaven face, his brown eyes lighting up at the sight of her. Before she knew it, she had flung herself into his arms.

Then, from behind them, came the sound of her father clearing his throat. Terry immediately let go of her, practically pushing her from him.

"You must be the famous Terry, I assume." Her father offered Terry his hand. Terry glanced at her quickly before taking it with a hesitant grin.

"I take it you care quite a bit about my daughter?" he continued, still wearing a stony expression, even if Padma thought she could detect a small glint in his eye.

"I – I do. Very much, er, sir." Padma would have stepped closer to him and perhaps taken his hand, reassuring him, but some part of her kind of needed the confirmation that not even her parents would be able to scare him away.

In that moment, Padma's mother scurried in from the kitchen. "Oh, I'm sorry, I was handling a minor crisis in the kitchen," she said, giving a genuine smile. "You're Terry, are you? My, my, my Padma does have good taste!"

"_Mum_!" Padma hissed as her mother winked at Terry.

"So, you're in Ravenclaw too, aren't you?" her mother went on, completely disregarding her embarrassment. "That's good. Padma's smart, you know, and she needs someone who can give her a bit of a challenge."

"I hardly think anyone can do that," Terry snorted, then seemed to remember who he was talking to. "Er, I just mean – she's _really_ smart and all. You – you've, um, done a good job. Sir," he finished off. Padma could detect definite amusement in her father's eyes now, but as he opened his mouth, she decided that bonding time was over for today.

Grabbing Terry's hand firmly, she turned to her parents. "We're going upstairs now. Alone. And you two are to keep out of the way, okay?"

Her mother raised her hands in defence. "Since when do we not?"

Padma turned to her father, pleading. "Dad…"

"We'll give you a couple of hours," he assured her and she gave a grateful nod, before rushing Terry up the stairs.

Shutting the door hard behind them, and, after only a moment's hesitation, casting both a Locking Charm and a Muffliato on the door, Padma turned back to Terry with a sheepish grin. "So… that was my parents. I know, they're a bit – "

"Scary? At least your Dad. Seriously, I just choked – the way he was staring me down! And I don't exactly have trouble forming words, usually."

Padma chuckled. "I wouldn't accuse you of that, no. But you did fine. He was kind of having fun, I think, seeing how nervous you were. I guess – they've never been in this situation before. It's all new to them. And to me."

"Well, to me too," he shrugged. "I've never met a girlfriend's parents before, have I?"

She let out an unwilling giggle. "You probably didn't have to call him 'sir', y'know," she answered his raised eyebrows.

His lashed out his arms in exasperation. "Well, how the hell am I supposed to know that? He was just standing there, looking all solemn like I was asking to bloody marry you and move to the North Pole or something!"

Padma giggled again, but took a step closer to him and pecked his lips. "You were kind of cute, though, being all – "

"A nervous, embarrassing wreck?" he filled in, but with a twitch in the corner of his mouth.

"Well, yeah," she chuckled.

"Glad one of us finds my humiliation amusing," he mumbled against her lips as she moved to kiss him again, deeper this time. "At least you don't seem to be dumping me for making your parents think I'm a blithering moron."

She broke away from him to search his eyes for the seriousness behind that statement. "You were worried?" she asked softly, her hand still tangled in his hair.

He grimaced. "No, not – not really. Just – kind of. A little. Why else d'you think I was all Confunded Crabbe meets Mike on Firewhiskey?" She raised her eyebrows. "Moron with no brains who talks way too much nonsense way too fast," he explained as though that should have been obvious.

She laughed, then leaned closer again, regaining seriousness. "You didn't have anything to worry about," she said slowly.

"_You_ were nervous," he pointed out.

She shrugged. "Yeah. 'Cause I wanted them to like you, and – and them not to scare you off."

His lips cut her off. Even if he grinned while he spoke, his eyes were so sincere that her breath hitched in her throat. "_Never_ think that. They could've stared at me for hours. Hell, they could've had me run around your house a hundred times if they'd wanted – not that I know what good that would've been to anyone, but the point is, I'm here. I'm staying. I wanted – _needed _– to see you, Pad. Always."

"Always?" she whispered, her breath against his open mouth.

He nodded.

That was when she knew. She thought he must have felt it when she pushed her lips to his, fiercer than before. But he didn't protest. His hands found their way down her waist and nothing in the world existed except his lips and his hands and her fingers playing with the hairs on the back of his neck.

He didn't protest as she removed her sweatshirt, or his. He responded to everything she initiated, wholeheartedly, but she did notice that he didn't take any new steps.

Almost getting annoyed with his cautiousness, she guided his hands to the bra clasp underneath her top. With widened eyes, he felt it, but didn't un-hook it.

"Er – are you – are you sure?" he questioned, his fingers still caressing her back, his eyes a mixture of shock and – want? (He _did_ want to, didn't he?)

Padma closed her eyes for a second, wishing he hadn't asked. But she pushed back the doubts she knew were lurking somewhere, that she knew would always be there, despite how bloody perfect her guy was, even stopping her to make sure she was sure when it was all her initiative! She needed to stop doubting. To stop thinking. To just stop. Forget. Like Lavender had done.

She nodded, waiting. Waiting, holding her breath, as he fumbled with the clasp against her back. Click, and it was undone. She could hear him gulp, but firmly guided his hands towards the edge of her top.

"Go on," she whispered against his ear as she had moved on to kiss his neck. "I'm _sure_."

It was like he finally trusted he had her full permission, and his pupils changed colour, darker, yet with a light, a burning light that he must have been pushing back, keeping under control.

He slipped his fingers in under her shirt, grazing her bare skin. Her breathing sped up, and a grin escaped his lips at the effect he had on her. Slowly, he started to inch her shirt higher and higher, exposing more and more skin, until he had pulled it all the way over her head.

For a moment, she was concealed only by her half-removed bra. His fingers trembling, his eyes again questioning, he slowly let it fall to the floor. His mouth fell open as his eyes fixed on her exposed chest. The time froze, and she felt his eyes burning into her. Naked. Naked. With him. His eyes. Staring. His mouth, still open. She shivered, then reached for his hand, still hanging in the air. Silently, she guided his hand towards her. She let out an involuntary breathy moan as she felt his warm, sweaty hand trembling against her.

She closed her eyes, and felt him grow more confident as he heard her breathing hitch at certain movements.

At a particularly driving-her-insanetouch, her hips seemed to grow a life of their own as they arched towards him, clashing their bodies together, making her feel – _him_.

It wasn't enough, this. She wanted more. She wanted to forget everything, she wanted to _live_, she wanted to _love_ – she wanted him. And from the low groan he let out at the contact, he wanted her just as much.

It was her turn to question him with a look as her hands moved slowly towards the button on his jeans. He merely grunted, nodding jerkily.

Pulling down his jeans clumsily, her finger accidentally grazed him and he gasped, throwing his head backwards as if he didn't know what to do with himself. Padma hesitated, not sure whether she should keep touching him, but realizing she had no idea how to do it right and not wanting to risk hurting him or something, she decided against it. Instead, she moved on to kick off her own jeans.

Within just a few seconds, and after one last effort of questioning her silently, he had performed the Contraceptive Charm and hurried inside her. For a second, he fumbled, and she feared she wasn't big enough to fit him in, but then – she forgot everything. It hurt a bit as he entered, but at the same time – it definitely didn't hurt. His hands got tangled in her hair as he started thrusting into her, panting, and – it was over. His eyes bulged, and he let out a loud groan, and then, he stopped, resting his forehead against her shoulder.

"S-sorry," he muttered, sounding highly embarrassed.

"Why?" she whispered, still feeling very overwhelmed by what had just happened.

"I didn't mean to – y'know – before you'd – you know," he stammered, cringing. He hesitated. "I could – you know – now. If you – if you want."

He glanced down towards where he was still inside her. Padma almost choked as she realized what he meant. Did she want to? How was she supposed to know? She'd never done this. She hadn't even known that she hadn't finished, that something was supposed to happen that didn't. But well – why not? He looked so ashamed, so ready to make up for his mistake, and she _did_ want to forget. Even if this – this was _huge_. This was weird, and _weird_. But it was Terry. She trusted him. She needed him. She might even love him.

"O-okay," she whispered, then closed her eyes.

Only at the merest feel of his fingertip did she let out a gasp. Before she knew it, she lost control. She _forgot_.

As her waves faded, she met his highly satisfied lopsided grin.

"I love you." The whispered words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. His eyes widened for a second, then he grinned even broader.

"I'm _that_ good, aren't I?"

She slapped his naked chest lightly, then bit her lip as he lifted his head, looking into her. "You meant that?" he asked, seriousness back into his eyes.

She hesitated. "Y-yeah. I think so. I mean – yeah. I do."

"Well then, future Mrs Boot, I can assure your worried little brain that I love you too," he said, his face splitting up in a radiant grin. "Been thinking about it for a while, actually, trying to find the right moment to say it. Guess you beat me to it, didn't you?"

"Future Mrs Boot?" she questioned, returning his grin fully now.

"Oh, shut up," he said and kissed her hard, effectively making sure of that.

**A/N: **Okay, so this is the first time I've written a scene like this. Actually, being nervous about that is part of the reason why this has taken so long. I considered skipping writing this out and jumping ahead until after the holidays, just hinting to this. But this felt like a too important event in Padma's life to just skip over because I'm a coward. So I didn't. Here's the result. And I'm still really nervous, so I would really appreciate your opinions.


	16. Seventh Year, Part VII

**A/N: **Well, would you look at that. Just a bit over a month since the last update. Which doesn't sound that extraordinary, but if you compare with the last time... Anyway, here's the next chapter. I hope you'll enjoy!

_**Seventh Year. Part VII.**_

Anxiously scanning the platform, Padma actually squealed with relief as she spotted him. Letting go of her sister's hand, she sprinted towards him and almost turned him over with the force of her embrace.

After burying her face in his shoulder for a few seconds, savouring the feel of it, she turned her head up and met his soft smile that didn't look quite right.

"I – I heard your parents had to go into hiding. On Potterwatch," she whispered, her voice trembling slightly. "I – I thought – "

His hands, still resting around her waist, pressed her tighter towards him. "Yeah. They are. In hiding. With my Mum being Muggleborn, me giving trouble at school _and_ Derek out of it – they figured it was best. I had to stay at Mike's after New Year's."

She let out a breath of relief against his shoulder. "I couldn't even write you about it," she murmured.

"I know. It's okay, though. They reckon it's safe." She could hear that he wasn't as certain about that as he'd like to make her believe, but she didn't question it.

In that moment, Michael bluntly poked her on the shoulder. "Hey. No hogging the ladies, Terr. Where's _my_ hello-nice-to-see-you-and-I'm-glad-you're-still-alive-and-kicking-hug?"

With a giggle that felt way too unfamiliar, Padma embraced him tightly. "I _am_ glad you're still alive and kicking," she said, only half-joking, as they let go.

"Well, right back atcha!" he grinned, then making room as Anthony joined them, having stood back as Terry and Padma had their reunion, and then half-heartedly protested as Michael moved to interrupt them, but now giving in as their moment of privacy was lost anyway.

He and Terry patted each other quickly on the back. He then turned to Padma, giving her a warm, though short, embrace.

As the four of them mounted the train and went to find seats, Padma's eyes first fell upon Mandy with Lisa's head hidden in her shoulder. Apparently she had decided to return after all. Padma looked away, but wished she hadn't when her gaze instead found Ginny and Neville sitting alone in a compartment, neither speaking, both looking like they hadn't slept all Christmas. She gulped, turning away. So it was true, then, about Lovegood. Luna. Not that she'd ever been friends with her, but she'd been there, at DA meetings, in her common room. She'd been there, and now she wasn't. It was wrong. So, Padma tried to block out that image, as well as any thoughts about where Luna could be now, and how scared she must be if she was even still –

Instead, Padma laughed at Michael, rolled her eyes with Anthony over the others' heads, and clung to Terry's hand.

xxx

It wasn't until the next day that Terry told her. They had walked off by themselves during the lunch break. Terry had used the excuse that they needed some privacy, which Michael had responded to with such a meaningful smirk, while Anthony had turned away, reddening, that Padma was sure Terry had told them about what they had done over Christmas. She found that she didn't mind. She had known he would, obviously, with how close those three boys were, and he deserved that, to be able to talk about everything with someone. Even if she certainly wouldn't be discussing any details with them. Or anyone for that matter. The one person she would have told, Parvati, would only be hurt by such information, as Dean's whereabouts were still as unknown as ever. Padma couldn't expect her to be happy for her, and then, why even tell her? It was better to just keep it to herself, she assured herself. For everyone's sake.

As it turned out, however mischievous his hints had been in front of the others, Terry's face grew serious the moment they had closed the empty classroom door behind them.

"What?" she questioned, frowning at his concerned expression.

He bit his lip. "It's Mike."

"What about him?"

"He's – not as fine as he acts." Terry sighed, starting to pace in front of her. "And I probably shouldn't even be telling you this, because he did ask us not to, and I'm breaking every friend rule, but I – I don't care."

Padma's heart rate was increasing, but she didn't say anything. She merely waited for him to go on, seeing that this was obviously difficult for him.

"Okay, so, Cho and him, you know how they were able to at least send each other letters, letting each other know they were okay and all." She nodded. "That – that's finished. She wrote him a short note, telling him that. I s'ppose her family's being more watched than most, with her being Harry's ex-girlfriend, and they can't have her – I don't know, really. But they can't even do that any more, and Mike's – he's a bloody mess about it. New Year's, he got so smashed that he told us. About that, and his parents having officially joined the Order now. I mean, they were helping and all before, but now that it's official, it's more risky, and he's – a mess. He thinks he can't be, though, so he's trying to be all cheery. I think that's more for himself than anyone else, though."

Padma couldn't find anything to say, she just grabbed his hand and looked at him, her eyes glittering.

"I just thought you should know," he mumbled. "If he - if he needs you, you'll know."

"Thank you," she whispered, leaning in to peck his lips, but feeling her chest tightening.

xxx

Padma was feeling helpless. Michael was obviously hurting, and yet, ever since Terry had told her about it, he had made sure not to let his guard down once, never giving her the opportunity to try and be there for him. Instead, he joked and laughed and chatted, as if nothing was wrong. It was frightening, really, but all she could do was go along with it. Even if it felt horrible.

And then there was Ginny, who was kind of her friend, even if they'd never been close. She was even paler than before Christmas, and with having to hold up Neville, who was now a wreck, she looked like she'd break if someone poked her. Padma knew she wouldn't, that she was a lot stronger than she gave the impression of. But still, she wasn't invincible, and with all that was going on with her, Padma was beginning to worry that she actually wouldn't be able to take much more. As was Parvati, surprisingly enough, as the pair of them had always been each other's opposites, and with the fact that Ginny had dated Dean last year, Padma had been sure that their enmity would only seize if the world ended. Apparently it had, though, because Parvati actually asked Padma with true concern in her eyes whether Padma should perhaps check if Ginny was okay.

When she had tried approaching Ginny after a DA meeting, though, the other girl had merely plastered on a smile and told her not to worry, and then rushed off. (She and Michael really were a lot more alike than they knew.)

Then there was the fact that Parvati was still under the impression that she and Terry had done nothing more than some innocent snogging in her bedroom at Christmas, and Padma _hated_ lying to her sister. And, actually, it had been hard to lie to Lavender too, when she'd asked, grinning suggestively, if she and Terry had been inspired by her and Seamus. But Parvati's emotionless face had been in the corner of her eye, and she'd resisted the temptation.

Somehow, Anthony being beaten up by Amycus for having refused to perform the Cruciatus Curse on a Muggleborn kid was the least of her problems the first week back. This, she actually could help with. Letting him grip her other hand as she flexed his swollen knee back into place (trying to fade out his howl of pain) – this, she could do. Even if her hands were shaking violently afterwards, as Anthony, along with the other two boys, slowly regained his colour, at least she had done something, and she had done it right.

xxx

Almost two weeks of the term had passed before Padma saw her opportunity to speak to Michael. It was late, and the three of them were the last in the common room. Anthony had gone to bed early, his still sore knee troubling him as he refused to let on in front of the Carrows that he was in any kind of pain, and therefore also refused both to lean on one of them when they were in the corridors and to see Madam Pomfrey, since they would know he'd been there. "And that'll mean they've won, won't it?" he had growled earlier that day, as Terry had helped him to make his way heavily up the stairs.

A couple of hours later, Terry had left the two of them alone, muttering something vague about going to the bathroom, giving Padma a meaningful glance, showing her that he wasn't planning on coming back.

It took a few moments before Michael realized the same thing. His expression suddenly became weary, and he stood up abruptly. "Well, I better get to bed," he said, turning to leave.

"Wait." It wasn't a request, not a demand. He still stopped, sighing, running his hand through his hair as he turned around.

"He told you, didn't he?"

Padma merely nodded, searching his face. He blew out some more air, then walked back and sat down. "I knew he wouldn't be able to keep his big mouth – " he started muttering, but Padma stopped him with a stern glare.

"Don't. He was just worried, and he thought I should know. And I agree. You should've told me."

He shrugged. "Didn't wanna think about it."

"D'you really think that's the best solution?"

"I do, actually," he said slowly after a few moments, making her look up in surprise. His gaze was sincere. "I mean, yeah, it sucks. I hate that I don't know if she's okay. I hate that my parents are risking their lives and can't write much either. But I'll deal with it. I mean, I know she's in hiding, so at least she's probably safe. That's better than for Neville and Gin, isn't it? I just – well, nothing'll get better if I go around moping about it, right? So, I'm not gonna do that. Everything – the war, my friends – it's too important."

She nodded, recognizing his attitude all too well.

"So, yeah, I'll keep joking around and being well – me. I have to. But you don't need to be all concerned, and you can tell Terr that too. I'm fine. I'm – dealing. Okay? Just 'cause I don't feel up to discussing it doesn't mean I'm in denial or somethin'. I'm just – dealing."

Slowly, she made her way over to him and placed her hands on his shoulders from behind. "Okay," she said, surprising herself with how steady her voice was as she pretended not to feel the tightness in his shoulders.

**A/N: **Please let me know what you think!


	17. Seventh Year, Part VIII

**A/N: **I know it's been a while. Again. Now it's summer, though, and I'll have a lot more time on my hands, and hopefully some inspiration to go along with it. Hope you'll enjoy!

_**Seventh Year. Part VIII.**_

"You've been hooking up with _Zabini_?" Terry questioned, overhearing Mandy's whisper to Lisa.

Mandy's grin faded, to be replaced by a sharp, challenging gaze. "So?"

"As in Blaise Zabini, Slytherin, Death Eater-to-be?" Terry looked disbelieving, almost disgusted.

"He's not. Not that it's any of your business, mind you, but he's not."

"Yeah, that's what he's telling you," Terry muttered, glaring over at the Slytherin table.

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare say something to him and try and scare him off," Mandy said warningly. "I like this guy, all right, and he's not what you think. Just back off, Terr, and pay attention to your girlfriend instead of your ex. Sorry, Pad," she added with a cringe as she noticed Padma's hurt expression at her harsh words.

"What'd'you mean he's not what Terry thinks? He's on _our_ side?" Michael asked, raising his eyebrows, but with a less disbelieving tone than Terry.

Mandy hesitated, than leaned closer, lowering her voice. "Well – not exactly. But he's not on theirs. He's just laying low. Like me. Not risking his neck for either side. I can get that. Hell, too much. I mean, you guys are admirable for fighting and all, but I - "

"You don't have to explain," Michael shrugged. "We get it. Don't you think we've had doubts too?" Mandy looked at him in surprise. "C'mon, you don't think you're the only one who's intimidated by all this? I mean, it _is_ You-Know-Who we're talking about. Even I, the bravest of the brave, would prefer not to end up face to face with him in a dark alley."

"You – you guys have considered, y'know, staying out of it?" Mandy asked, looking stunned.

"'Course we have," Michael went on. "_Right_?" he added pointedly. The next second, the still grumbling Terry flinched, as though someone had kicked him under the table. He gave a non-committal grunt of consent.

Anthony spoke up. "We have. Him too."

"Well, you learn something new every day," Mandy said. "And I who thought you were all brave and Gryffindor-y. Nice to see you're still human."

"About Zabini, though," Padma spoke up, her gaze at Mandy. "You're sure you know what you're doing? That he's not, you know – "

"Using me to get information on you guys or something? I'm pretty sure. I don't know much, because I like to keep out of it, and he doesn't ask about what little I do know."

"But – "

"I know what I'm doing, Pad. I'm not risking anything, and he's just a hot guy I'm with. S'not like I haven't done it before," she shrugged. "But thanks for worrying. You too, Terr, even if your ways do need improvement," she grinned, and he nodded, still not grinning, but at least refraining from further comment.

xxx

Padma knew she wasn't supposed to hear this. She knew that she probably should never even have went up the staircase to the boys' dormitories, even if it was to remind them that the DA meeting was about to start without them, but she most definitely should have turned around when she'd heard the raised voices. However, after Terry's surly retort, she heard Anthony's voice, furious like she'd never heard it before.

"Oh, really? 'Cause it sounds a hell of a lot like you're being way too concerned about the affairs of your _ex-_girlfriend instead of focusing on your current one! And you know Padma deserves better than that!"

Padma froze, holding her breath. It was about Mandy? And her? _She_ hadn't even been worried, she knew he was just concerned, as she had been, and yet…

"I'm not bloody cheating on her, you bastard, so don't you dare try and hint that!" Terry bellowed back. "But if you don't give me any more credit than thinking that I'd – "

Padma flinched. His voice actually cracked, and she knew why this conversation was getting so out of hand. Her own accusation from last year had apparently still not faded from his memory.

"Well, how am I supposed to know?" Anthony spat. "Your expression when she told you she was with Zabini…"

"I was disgusted by _him_! He's a fucking Slytherin!"

"Looked an awful lot like you were jealous."

"What the hell, Tony! I fucking can't believe you. I – _fuck you_!"

Her heart beating fast, Padma just had time to slip into the sixth year dormitory before she heard the door slam open and Terry's fuming stomps down the stairs.

She didn't know what to think. She trusted Terry, and she really didn't think there had been anything behind his anger at Zabini. And yet – she couldn't bring herself to be fully offended on his behalf for Anthony's conclusions. It was kind of sweet of him, defending her. Even if her eyes sparkled with tears at the thought of how upset both of them must be, she hesitated for a moment, before choosing to follow Terry down the stairs.

xxx

She hadn't found Terry, so, after sending Michael up to check on Anthony, she'd simply sat in a chair in the common room, waiting for him to turn up. And so he did, just moments after curfew, when she'd started fearing he'd actually gotten into trouble.

"Oh, thank Merlin," she exclaimed as he entered, and flung her arms around his neck. He barely responded, but didn't push her away. His face looked oddly blank. She glanced around, and chose a secluded corner where they wouldn't be overheard.

"I heard you and Anthony," she said slowly, anxiously awaiting his reaction. He jumped.

"You _heard_ or – ?"

It would have been easy to say that yes, she'd heard everything. But she looked into his slightly worried, hurt, but not panicky eyes. She knew. If he'd had something to hide, he wouldn't look like that. He wouldn't even be looking at her. She'd known all along she'd had nothing to worry about. She didn't need him thinking she doubted that, not on top of everything else. Not when she didn't.

"Mike told me."

He breathed out in relief, then, with obvious effort, he forced his face to turn expressionless again.

She put her hand on his. "Terr."

He closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I – _really_ don't wanna talk about it."

"But - ?" she tried, hating to watch how much this pained him.

He shook his head again. "Please, Pad. Just – don't."

xxx

The next morning, she and Michael could do nothing but exchange a worried glance as they accompanied Terry and Anthony respectively to breakfast. Without a word, Terry briskly walked off to the other end of the table than the one where Anthony had sat down. When Padma made to say something, he simply cut in before she had the chance, asking her something or other about their Herbology homework.

In Transfiguration, Padma and Michael sat next to each other, the boys on their other sides, refusing to even look in the other's direction, enabling the two of them to engage in a whispered conversation without notice.

After Padma had quickly summarized what the fight had been about, Michael swore under his breath. "Shit! I knew it had to be bad when Tony was all livid, but _damn_! This'll be even tougher than I thought."

"Tell me about it," Padma whispered. "He won't even talk to _me_. If I hadn't heard, I wouldn't even know what was going on."

"You didn't tell him you heard it?"

"No, I didn't. Not the point, though. Point is, if they're not even talking to us about it, then how're we gonna fix it?"

Michael's shoulders slumped. "Just keep trying, I s'ppose."

However, this was easier said than done. After a week of having to split up, and having both Terry and Anthony either snapping at them or acting like "mindless effin' shells" as Michael had referred to them in frustration, they decided that the time had come for some more desperate measures.

"You really think this will work?" Padma bit her lip.

Michael shrugged, looking half-defeated for a moment, then forcing a grin (that was when Padma realized he had not grinned, for real, in a week). Steeling herself, she nodded. "Okay. I'm ready. Just – make sure you keep him up there for at least half an hour."

"I'll do my best," Michael sighed. Padma noticed that his lips were very thin. Neither of them needed this right now. Especially not Michael. Of course, she could understand the need to lay off some steam on each other, yes, but to hold a grudge this long – it wasn't like either Anthony or Terry (even if Terry could be a stubborn git, he never used to be like this when it actually mattered).

Anthony looked surprised when she sat down next to him in front of the common room fire. "Er – hi?" he said, raising his eyebrows questioningly as she had been unable to speak to him for the last week.

"Hi," she said, then took a deep breath and dived in. "You must know why I'm here."

His half-smile faded. "Oh. Well, you're wasting your time then."

"I am? Come on, are you hearing yourself? Don't you realize that there are more important things going on than your petty little fight? And not to mention that you miss each other like crazy!"

His gaze hardened. "I _don't_ miss him."

"Of course you don't." She actually rolled her eyes in exasperation. "You're both just peachy with not talking to two of your best friends. That's nice. If you won't do it for him, you could do it for me! _I_ miss you, and Mike."

He forced himself to look away from her, his voice flat. "I'm sorry, Padma. I can't."

She leaned in closer, not sure if this was wise, but running out of options. "Look. I heard the whole thing, okay? I know you were trying to defend me, and I _know _he overreacted, but you gotta cut him some slack."

"You heard it?" he questioned, forgetting not to look at her.

"I did," she confirmed. "And you were both overreacting, and pissed, and I get that, but the time to get over yourselves has definitely arrived."

Anthony turned away from her again. "He hates me. I – I'm _not_ grovelling for him. It's – I can't, okay?"

She shook her head, blinking back tears. "No. It's not _okay_. Okay? So, maybe he was a bit more of an ass then, but right now, you're both just as bloody stupid. There is a war going on, you know. I just hope you two'll stop with your crap before something happens and you've lost your chance to ever fix this!"

She left Anthony gaping after her.

xxx

Even if Anthony had been looking slightly guiltier after her confrontation, neither he nor Terry was apparently ready to actually do something about their situation. Sick of Terry's sulkiness, Padma had sought refuge in the library where she had persuaded Parvati, Lavender and Seamus to join her.

"I mean, they are acting like two-year-olds, aren't they? It's been _two_ _weeks_. And I know they miss each other, 'cause they're both acting like crap towards everyone around them, but they're too bloody stubborn to admit it!" she ranted, exasperated. "I mean, seriously, there's a war going on, you'd _think_ they'd have more important stuff to worry about. And that they'd realize this is _not_ the time to hold a grudge."

Parvati had placed a consoling hand on her, seeing the exhaustion behind her complaining.

Seamus' face, however, had hardened. "At least they have each other _here_. They should be _fucking_ glad they've still got – " he trailed off, clearing his throat, and rising, mumbling something incomprehensible before heading for the exit.

Lavender gave Padma an apologetic grimace, before rising with a sigh too, and following.

"They'll come around. Boys are stupid," Parvati attempted to reassure her.

"That they are," Padma agreed darkly. "But do they have to be stupid for such a long time?"

Parvati shrugged. "They're boys. They do that. Even Harry and Ron, the closest of the close, didn't speak for months in our fourth year, remember?"

"They were younger, though. It's more excusable then," Padma muttered.

"Pad, it's not your responsibility to fix this, you know. It'll work itself out soon enough. You'll see."

Padma nodded, though still feeling doubtful. It had taken Harry and Ron _months_. She could not deal with this for months. She simply couldn't.

xxx

Padma actually squealed as she entered the boys' dormitories, in search of Terry who was late for dinner. Because the sight that met her was of Terry and Anthony's backs, standing close to each other, seemingly not involved in any kind of argument.

"You've made up? Oh thank Rowena, that's about time!" she grinned, broader than she had in weeks, and felt her heart lightening, almost as if everything wrong with the world, her world, had been miraculously fixed when they were at least all together again.

Then the two backs turned around, and the relieved giggle caught in her throat. Something was very, very wrong. Both their eyes were shining, and not in a way as if they were touched by their renewed friendship but pretending not to be. Nothing like that. It was darkness, in their eyes, in their faces. Something was _horribly_ wrong.

Padma stopped breathing when they stepped aside. Michael was sitting on the bed. They had each had a hand on his shoulders, while he had hid his face in his hands. Now, he slowly and heavily looked up. As he met her eyes, she had to stifle a gasp. His eyes were red, and he wasn't bothering to pretend they weren't, and there was something so hopeless, so defeated in there that she had never seen in anyone.

"My – my parents," he choked, his voice oddly strangled. "D-Death Eaters." His voice broke, along with Padma's heart as she turned to Terry, asking the question with her eyes. He nodded.

Padma felt tears rising in her eyes, but she pushed them back. This was _not _the time. Decisively, she placed herself on the bed next to Michael, putting her arms firmly around him, placing his head on her shoulder. It wasn't many seconds before his whole body was shaking, violently, while the sound of his dry sobs filled the air. Soon, Padma could no longer hold back her silent tears, and she saw through a blur how both Terry and Anthony were wiping at their own eyes when they thought the other one wasn't looking, as they paced the room, not having any idea what to do with themselves.

**A/N: **If anyone is still reading, I'd love to know what you think!


	18. Seventh Year, Part IX

**A/N: **I know. It's been over a month. So sorry, as always. If you don't remember, the last chapter ended with Michael finding out his parents had been murdered by Death Eaters. So, no, this chapter won't be very cheerful...

_**Seventh Year. Part IX. **_

Professor Flitwick had already been by twice, asking to see Michael, and when they had refused, he had simply sighed and asked them how he was. (How he was. What an impossible question. Because he _wasn't._ He wasn't Michael.) They'd shrugged and told him that he needed time. (Hoping silently, praying, that time didn't mean forever).

Then, both Professor McGonagall and Professor Vector had come, sounding oddly un-stern and gentle as they asked, not demanded, to see Mr Corner. Anthony had, once again, mechanically told them no.

Professor Snape arrived when there had been a week of no meals, no lessons, no anything from Mr Corner (as he pointed out when they defiantly questioned his presence in their common room – was there to be no safe haven from him and his bloody Carrows?).

"As the _Headmaster_ of this school, I have a responsibility over _my _students, do I not, Mr Boot?" he had answered Terry silkily. "I merely ask to speak to Mr Corner, in private." Padma thought she saw something flicker in his eyes, something indefinable that wasn't quite malicious, but the next second it was gone, as Anthony spoke up.

"No way. You're not getting anywhere near him."

"Mr Goldstein, if you know what is good for you, you will not speak to _any_ of your superiors in that insolent manner," Snape said between clenched teeth.

"Fine. _Professor_, with all due fucking _respect_, you're not getting anywhere near Mike," Terry spat.

Padma gasped and closed her eyes. He was in for detention now, for sure, if he was not about to be beaten on the spot.

"Mr Boot, my former comment still stands. I will _not_ be spoken to in such a manner. And, I would advise Mr Corner to seek help from the Hospital Wing for whatever it is that is stopping him from attending has classes. That would get a lot of _curiosity_ off his case."

With that, Snape had swept out of the room, leaving the two boys pumping with fury so much that it took them a few seconds to realize –

"He didn't give you detention, did he?" Padma pointed out, frowning.

Terry froze, his mouth falling open. "No. He didn't. That's – odd."

"Yeah," Padma nodded, but moving forward to take his hand. "Good thing, though."

"Yeah," Anthony agreed, meeting Terry's eyes for a second. Padma noticed with a small sense of warmth in her stomach that neither of them looked away immediately.

xxx

It was the day after that and the first DA meeting since it happened. When the three of them arrived, everyone quieted as though they were a funeral march. Some avoided their eyes, but most merely looked hopelessly sad. Parvati and Lavender looked tearful, but Seamus grabbed Lavender's hand as she moved forward, while keeping his gaze on the floor.

Three people, however, walked over to them, seemingly without hesitation. Neville was first, grasping both Terry and Anthony's hands briefly, conveying with his eyes how sorry he was, then proceeding to pat Padma on the shoulder. Hannah wasn't far behind him, giving Padma a long hug, and then, after a moment of indecision, moved to embrace the two boys as well. Padma noticed that she held Anthony a bit longer than Terry.

Behind them came Ginny. She was paler than ever, but her eyes were steady in Padma's. "Can I see him?" she asked, looking between the three of them, then back to Padma, with such emotion in her eyes that Padma could only nod. As did the boys. Even if Ginny had hurt him, once, she had been important to him. And they had moved past that now. This was bigger than anything, and since the three of them were lost on how to even get him to form words…

Wordlessly, Padma led the way towards their common room. The boys stayed, after a look from her. This was something that Ginny had to do alone.

They didn't speak until they reached the entrance to the boys' dormitory. Ginny had paled a few more shades, but bit her lip in determination to be strong.

"I – I'll just wait here," Padma mumbled, stepping back as Ginny closed her eyes for a second before gently pushing the door open.

Padma hesitated, glancing towards the stairs as she heard Ginny's soft voice speaking his name. She probably shouldn't be listening in to this. It was just that – none of them had been able to provoke any kind of reaction except blankness from Michael for four days. She was getting desperate. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

She stayed. She heard Michael's surprised, raspy voice. "Gin? What're you - ?"

He heard the bed creak as she sat down next to him. "I was worried about you."

His tone hardened. "No need to be."

Her voice shook slightly as she replied. "No need? Look at you!" Padma knew what she was talking about. His unwashed bangs clinging to his face, his grey colour from lack of sleep and nutrition, the blackness under his eyes… It was awful.

"'M fine," he shrugged. "Handsome as ever, right Gin?"

Then everything went fast. There were a few moments of silence, then a gasp and then Ginny was in Padma's arms, sobbing hard.

"Shh," Padma attempted to soothe her, desperately confused. "Ginny. What happened?"

The girl merely shook her head, gasping for air. Once she had calmed down, she wiped at her eyes furiously, motioning for Padma to follow her into the empty dormitory next door.

"I – I'm sorry," she began, looking horrified at her own breakdown, but Padma waved her apologies away, repeating her question. Ginny swallowed and wiped away a stray tear. "I – I know I shouldn't've run out like that. I know. But he _kissed_ me. I – I didn't expect him to even still have – and it was just – I haven't, since – and it was a lot to deal with, s'all."

Padma didn't blame her. Ginny had been looking exhausted for so long, but still determined to keep up her brave face in front of everyone. Now, her old, broken boyfriend had kissed her, obviously reminding her of the boyfriend she was missing so much she hadn't smiled like herself all year. It had triggered all of her repressed emotions. Of course it was a lot to deal with.

"It's okay," Padma assured her. "I get it."

Ginny gave her a grateful nod. Padma took a few steps to go check on Michael, then turned back in the doorway. "For the record, I don't think he does. Still have feelings for you, I mean. He misses Cho like crazy. But he can't contact her, and I think – he was just trying to forget."

Ginny nodded, forcing a shadow of a grin. "I can get that."

Padma sighed. "I'd better go check on him."

"I'll come with you," Ginny offered, even as she had to bite down on her lower lip to keep it from trembling.

Padma hesitated. She knew that Michael probably would need to see that she was still there for him, but she also knew that he probably would do better without seeing just how much he had hurt her. "Okay. But let me have a moment with him first. Just stay here, get washed up."

It was a sign of how much this year had changed Ginny that she didn't protest. The old Ginny Weasley would have demanded to walk over there and make things right straight away, would have refused any offer of a moment to gather herself. She didn't, though. Things had changed.

Padma found Michael sitting up, staring emptily out the window. He looked up at her entrance, his eyes anxious. "I upset her." It wasn't a question. Padma didn't see the point in denying it, so she nodded.

"_Fuck!_" he swore, dragging his hand over his face. "I don't even know where that came from. I gotta talk to her."

But Padma placed a hand on his shoulder as he made to get up. "She gets it. I've talked to her. She'll be by later, I think, to check on _you_."

"After _that_? She still - ?"

"'Course she does. But," she added as he once again swung his legs over the side of his bed, "right now, she needs a moment. Let her have that."

Nodding slowly, Michael sat back down, heavily, as though it took him all the strength he possessed.

"You need to eat," Padma stated, her voice steady, but the pleading not completely held under control.

He merely grunted.

"Do you – d'you want me to write to Cho?" The question had been discussed between the three of them for days. It was the last solution they could come up with. If he could at least get her words, maybe get her to meet him in Hogsmeade… Maybe she, somehow, by some miraculous method, could get him to start eating, sleeping, living.

Michael's face hardened. "No. I can't, remember? She asked me not to."

"I'm sure she'd say differently, under the circumstances."

"The circumstances that my parents were fucking murdered, you mean? That I'm such a damn mess you don't know what to do with me? Well, guess what, I don't know what to do with me either! I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to – "

His voice broke as Ginny entered the room, still pale, but now with dry cheeks. In two seconds, she had crossed the room and firmly put her arms around him. Padma, recognizing the determined look in her eyes, quietly backed out of the room, only catching a glimpse Michael's muttered apologies.

xxx

Only half an hour later, when Ginny and Michael were still upstairs, Anthony supported Terry through the common room door. Padma was on her feet before they'd crossed the threshold. "What happened?" she asked Anthony sharply.

It was Terry who answered her, through gritted teeth. "Carrow. Wanted to see Mike." He groaned in pain as Anthony and Padma helped him into a chair, his ankle in an odd angle, his lip bleeding.

"They're getting restless," Anthony said, his brow furrowed as he watched Terry's face contort as he clutched his broken foot. "I don't know how long we'll be able to keep them from here."

"But you managed now?" Padma questioned.

"Distracted them," Terry grunted, his eyes now closed.

"By getting himself beaten instead," Anthony filled in guiltily. "Mate, I'm sorry. I should've – "

"Got yourself knocked to pieces too? No way. Who'd've got me up here, then?"

Anthony opened his mouth to protest, but Padma cut him off. "It wouldn't've helped anyone. We don't have time for your guilt, even if this little contest of who would've been hurt for who is quite nice to see between the two of you morons." Anthony gave her a faint smile. "But we have more pressing matters to deal with. Ginny's up there with Mike, but I think you should probably get up there and help her get him back on his feet, as it seems time is running out. Not _you_, Terr. I was talking to him." Anthony stood up, giving Terry one last pained look. "Go," she urged him. "I'll fix him up."

Padma was getting better at Healing spells, with all the practice she'd been getting lately, which meant that Terry was able to support himself up the stairs with almost no soreness only minutes later. (She would have preferred him to keep his weight off of it for at least an hour, but he'd refused point blank, telling her he needed to see Mike. Despite her better judgement, she'd given in, and followed him, very close by.)

When they entered the dormitory, Michael jumped to his feet. Despite the effort it took him, he was by Terry's side, surveying the way he didn't waver, and only looked slightly tense. "You shouldn't have done it," he stated seriously.

Terry frowned. "You'd rather have Carrows storming up here when you haven't even eaten in a bloody week? Besides, I'm fine."

"Only 'cause Padma's bloody brilliant. You weren't fine, by Tony's account, just a few minutes ago." Somehow, the hardness in Michael's voice seemed a good sign. Terry must've thought so too, because he stood his ground.

"Well, if you'd've just gotten your lazy arse down to a meal or two, I wouldn't've had to do that, would I?"

There was a moment where the two boys glared at each other, then Michael's face fell. "Fine. Let's go." When they all stared blankly at him, he rolled his eyes. "To dinner. You guys do remember how to do that, don't you? It's this way."

Actually smiling at him, Ginny grasped his shoulder and nodded, leading the way. Anthony and Terry exchanged a look of amazement, but then followed, Padma right behind them. It had been a _long_ day, but she couldn't bail on them now. They still needed her. She didn't have the time to go break down, not even after a day of having Ginny crying on her shoulder, Mike actually snapping at her (it'd hurt, because he never did that, even if she knew it hadn't been personal) and the pressure of mending her boyfriend's bones while he was in unbearable pain. It was too much for anyone, but it was too much for the others too. She didn't have the right to take a moment. So she followed them down the stairs, swallowing down her emotions, her exhaustion. It was not the time.

**A/N: **Next chapter won't be as depressing. Promise.


	19. Seventh Year, Part X

**A/N: **This chapter is for AccioHope, who read and reviewed all chapters last week and gave me the inspiration to write some more. I hope you (and the rest of you, obviously) will enjoy this!

_**Seventh Year. Part X.**_

Padma had never dealt with a grief such as Michael's. She had never experienced it, never had anyone close to her experience it. Even all of her grandparents were by some miracle still alive. He'd lost his parents, both of them, in one day. It was unimaginable.

After the first week of apathy, he had however somehow recovered, with the help of Ginny and, even more importantly, the wake-up call that Terry had gotten himself hurt to prevent the Carrows' from seeking him out. He had then agreed to join them for meals and lessons. But another week later, Anthony was still without complaint doing his homework for him, and, even if he tried to talk with them and even made some feeble attempts at jokes, it wasn't the same. _He_ wasn't the same.

It was obvious that he still didn't sleep much. And way too often, his gaze got caught somewhere in the distance, and he faded away from his surroundings. As had happened tonight, when Anthony had persuaded him to at least sit with them in the common room while he did both of their homework.

Padma's first instinct was to be gentle, place a hand on his knee, ask him softly if he was okay. She had, however, watched him closely enough during the past week to know that he didn't respond well to anything resembling pity.

So, she attempted a different approach. "Mike? You get lost in the clouds?" she asked, straining herself to form a grin as she waved her hands in front of his face.

He shook himself, and made an attempt at returning her smile, even if it looked more like a grimace. "Something like that," he mumbled.

"Dreamin' about Cho, are you now?" Terry chipped in, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Perhaps we should give you some privacy, eh?"

Padma smacked him playfully in the chest, while silently communicating a "thank you" to him for stepping in and helping her.

"Git," Michael muttered, but there was something tugging at the corner of his lips.

"I'm not the one thinking about someone else when the hottest girl in school is trying for _my_ attention," Terry grinned cheekily. "Not that I mind, though," he added hurriedly as Michael raised his eyebrows.

"I thought so. Or you wouldn't mind, right, if I did pay attention to her enough to do this?" he said, smirking as he leaned in as if to kiss her.

"Oi! Girlfriend-stealer who's supposed to be my best friend!"

Michael merely smirked even wider, leaning back in his chair with a wink at Padma.

"That's low, Corner, that's _low_." Terry actually pouted, causing Padma to break into a fit of giggles, which in turn had all three boys' faces splitting open into grins.

Her mission was accomplished.

xxx

"Padma?" It was Lavender's voice behind her as she exited the library, on a rare occasion unaccompanied by her boys. Padma stopped, motioning for the other girl to follow her back into the sanctuary of the library before expressing any of the concern in her eyes.

The second they were sitting at a table, Lavender whispered urgently, "How's Michael doing? He doesn't look so good, does he, and I – we're worried. Parvati's been wanting to talk to you about it, but we weren't sure – "

Padma nodded, acknowledging that it had been a good idea to keep things quiet. "He's – holding up, I guess. Sort of. As well as you can expect. At least he's eating now. Not sleeping, though, Terr says," she added, cringing.

"Shay's worried too," Lavender went on. "We don't want to intrude or anything, since we don't know him that well, but if any of you need anything – "

Padma gave a small, but genuine smile. "Thanks, Lavender. It means a lot, really."

"Any time," Lavender smiled back. "You were there for me when I needed it for stupid reasons, and Mike - I can't even imagine…"

"Tell me about it," Padma mumbled darkly. "It's just – we're at a loss too. We try to be there for him, and make him forget. But we're just groping around in the dark, really. This is too big. You guys are welcome to try too, obviously. Just don't – don't pity him, and don't act like you are. That'll set him off. Just try to act normal. As normal as possible."

Lavender nodded. "I'll tell the others. Now, what about you?"

Padma frowned. "What about me?"

"You okay? With all this, _and_ that fight with Terry and Anthony before? It must be taking a toll on you, mustn't it?"

Padma shrugged, forcing a smile even as a small part of her ached for the opportunity to break down, with someone, anyone. "I'm fine. It's worse for the boys. They were the ones fighting, and they're – it's harder for them."

Lavender must've recognized something in her tone, because she changed the subject, obviously deciding they were not close enough for her to push this. "How're you and Terry doing?"

"Fine," Padma nodded automatically, then feeling a small smile creeping up her lips, unbidden memories resurfacing of his talk of Mrs Boot and what had happened before that... "We're good. Great actually. Or, we would be, without everything else. Hasn't really been much time to – but we're good."

Perhaps Lavender could perform Legilimency. Or that touch of heat in her face was giving her away, because Lavender gave a small gasp. "You've done it, haven't you?"

Feeling her cheeks burning even more, confirming Lavender's theory, Padma didn't bother to deny it. "Don't tell Parvati," she hissed, glancing nervously around the room. "But, yes, we did it. Once. Over Christmas. When he came over."

Lavender gave a triumphant smile. "I _knew_ it!"

Padma frowned. "Parvati – she hasn't said anything to you, has she?"

"No. She's too caught up in her own – whatever. But I saw it on you, when you got back. But never mind that – _how_ was it?"

Padma turned an even deeper shade of crimson, but smiled nonetheless. "It was – nice. Great, actually. I – I said I loved him, afterwards. And he said it back, too."

"Holy crap," Lavender whispered, glancing over her shoulder to see no one was listening. "That's – wow."

"Yeah. He was so sweet, though. More nervous than I was. All careful and considerate. I had to make every first move."

"Aw," Lavender exclaimed, grabbing Padma's hand on reflex and squeezing it. "He's really something, isn't he?"

Padma nodded, grinning. "He is. As is Seamus, I bet."

Lavender's smile flickered, but didn't fade. "He is. And he's been doing better, lately, too."

"Good," Padma said, squeezing Lavender's hand back.

xxx

During their free period before lunch, Padma found her it very hard to concentrate on her Herbology assignment as her eyes kept straying. To the exhausted lines around Anthony's eyes as he frantically wrote on his parchment. To the determination in Michael's tight lips as he forced himself to focus on his essay. But, most of all, her eyes flickered to Terry. Terry, who wasn't even pretending to work. He was staring out of the window, his brow furrowed, his gaze troubled. She knew why. He'd been getting more and more anxious the last week at breakfast, waiting for notes from his brother, Derek, recent Order member. He hadn't gotten one today either. Plus, he'd been forced to perform the Cruciatus Curse today, on Seamus. It wasn't something you got used to, even when you'd done it seven times before (she'd been counting, yes, because it hurt her almost as bad to watch his self-disgust as to hear his roars of pain).

Deciding it was no use, she shut the thick textbook with a snap that made all three boys look up at her questioningly. Without a word, she stood up and placed herself on Terry's lap, putting her arms around him. For a moment, he looked surprised. They hadn't had time for much intimacy in a while, with trying to keep things afloat for Michael's sake, and everything else going on. Then, he relaxed into her and let out a soft sigh of pleasure as she started to run her fingers through his hair.

Padma saw Anthony and Michael exchange a look of mock-disgust, that really was hiding grins.

xxx

Out of everything they had done so far, every stunt Padma had silently or actively disapproved of – this was the worst. The most idiotic, unnecessarily risky, plain stupid - a _Harry Potter _party!

"Seriously? What're they thinking with – their bums?" Padma was ranting to Terry, Michael and Anthony. "It's just bound to be discovered, isn't it? Do they _like_ being tortured, or what? I mean, some of the stuff they say in the moment, without thinking – but this! An actual planned _party_ where everyone who attends gets a bonus lifetime of detention or probably worse. It's – I can't believe it. I just can't."

"Pad." Michael's hand was on her shoulder.

"What?" she snapped at his patronizing tone. "You don't think it's a good idea, do you?" she demanded, glaring sharply at the three of them.

They exchanged a shifty look, and then Terry turned to her. "'Course we don't. It's stupid, you're right. But – I mean, it's the DA. We're in. And they're not _that_ dumb, they must've thought of some way not to get caught, mustn't they?"

Padma snorted. "Like that's _always_ worked before. Remember the bloody sword anyone? That was supposed to be a foolproof plan."

"You're right. We don't have to go. We shouldn't." She could've hugged Anthony, for not leaving her alone as the voice of reason.

"But we can't stop the others," Terry chipped in. "They won't listen. They're set on doing this."

"I'm still gonna try," Padma growled, her anger effectively making her overcome her fears of taking a stand in the group of overly brave people. "I'm going to find Parvati right now. But before I go, I need your word that you're not going. Any of you."

"I won't," Anthony said, looking at her steadily. "I agree with you. It's too risky."

Terry sighed, but nodded, carefully tugging her hair behind her ear. "If you say so."

Michael stared at the floor for a long moment. She took a deep breath and forced herself not to yell, but to place her hand gently on his shoulder. She could be impatient with the others, but not with him, not now. Still, she had to make sure he wasn't about to make rash decisions. He in particular deserved to be without such trouble as this night would inevitably bring.

"Please, Mike," she said softly. "For me."

He waited a moment, then looked up, his frown fading into defeat. "Fine. But I could've used a party."

"Not this kind," she said shortly, before giving his shoulder a squeeze and walking out the room to try and catch Parvati before dinner.

She did found Parvati, coming out of the library with Lavender and Seamus. Hesitating, she decided that they needed to hear this too, and she gestured for them all to follow her into an empty classroom. When she was sure no one was eavesdropping, she turned to them, feeling parts of her determination waver at Seamus's questioning eyes. She met Parvati's eyes, though, and knew she had to try, even if some part of her already knew. These were stubborn Gryffindors. She didn't really stand a chance.

"So, are you going tomorrow night then?" she questioned, her tone carefully level.

Parvati, however, knew her too well. "'Course. Why? You're _not_?"

Padma shook her head.

"Why the hell not?" Seamus was glaring at her in suspicion.

"I'll tell you why not! Because it's the worst idea you've ever come up with. I mean, I'm all for taking risks when it's about saving someone or maybe making a stand against them in class once in a while. But _this_! It's completely different. It's plain stupid and you're _going_ to get caught. And I think you should go down to Hagrid's right now and cancel."

Parvati's eyes had widened. Lavender was looking away, and Padma noticed in surprise that she seemed the least opposed to what she was saying. Seamus, however, was another matter.

"Well, if you Ravenclaw wimps wanna just sit on your bloody smart arses all day, fine by me, but we're actually trying to do somethin' here!"

"If I thought this would accomplish _anything_, I'd – just name one thing this will do that isn't getting you all beaten to death!" she spat at him, but it was Parvati who answered, her voice not as harsh as Seamus's, but still steely enough to cut at Padma's insides.

"It'll help _us_, Pad. It'll make us feel united and strong and like we're doing something. Like we're not tied up by their rules. It'll give us hope, to believe that Harry's still out there and that one day, he'll help us fix this mess. We need that. If you don't want to be a part of it, fine, but we're doing this."

Padma looked into her eyes for a few moments, trying to convey her pleading, but Parvati's gaze never wavered.

"Fine," she whispered, turning on her heel before they could see her eyes watering. She _knew_ this would be bad. She just knew it.

xxx

Most of the time, Padma loved being right and hated being wrong with a passion. This time, however, was very much an exception from that. She would have loved for the party to work out, and for Parvati to come at her the next day, smirking that she'd told her so and that she was no fun and she had missed an excellent night being all fussed up about nothing.

Yet, no matter how much she'd tried to convince herself that as she lay awake that night, she knew somehow.

The next morning, she didn't bother waiting for Terry and the others before she went down to breakfast. She needed to know.

She didn't have to wait long. Before she'd entered the Great Hall, Lavender had pulled her by the elbow behind a tapestry. After casting a Muffliato spell around them, she started speaking in a low, rushed whisper.

"You were right about last night. They came. We think they're gonna keep it low, so it won't get out that we at least succeeded in doing it in the first place, and that so many of us got away. Even Hagrid made it in time, and while they were busy with him, most of the younger ones got away. But Shay, Neville, Ginny and Parvati stayed behind to make sure everyone got out, and they told me to take the first years and get them out of the way, so I did. They never came after me, though. It's all right, they're in the Hospital Wing, Pomfrey's fixed them up, but – you might wanna come down there. She didn't ask, but I know she needs you."

Lavender's eyes were actually pleading _her_ to come and help her deal with Parvati. Things sure had changed.

But this wasn't the time to be thinking about anything. Padma merely nodded, gave Lavender a grateful half-smile and followed her.

Once they entered the Hospital Wing, Lavender made her way over to Seamus, who greeted her with a tired grin. Padma, meanwhile, took the seat beside her sister's bed. She tried hard not to cringe at her swollen face. Instead, she just took her hand.

Parvati turned her head with difficulty to look at her. "You come here to rub it in?" she asked, but without any real conviction. She didn't sound angry. Just exhausted.

"No way," Padma mumbled. "Are you okay?" she then asked, carefully stroking her sister's messed-up cheek.

"Fine," Parvati assured her. "Really. Was just lucky Lavender came to find us when she did, and that they were too distracted with Hagrid to put any real effort to us. Or to catching the kids."

"There were kids there?"

Parvati nodded, but stopped to grimace with pain. Padma pretended not to notice and just let her go on. "Yeah. Whole bunch of them. Mostly Gryffindors. Anthony's sister and her friends. Might not wanna tell him that, since they did get away, and we've sworn to her not to tell him." Padma nodded, knowing that he didn't need that on top of everything else. She didn't need to worry him with something that was too late to prevent when Nathalie hadn't been hurt. "We made sure they got away all right, though."

"By using yourselves as bait?"

"I wouldn't call it that, but – better us than them. We can take it."

Padma sighed, and squeezed her sister's hand tighter. She wasn't sure her sister – or the others for that matter – were as strong as they'd like to think. It wasn't her place, however, to point that out. So she kept her mouth shut, and just sat there, holding her sister's hand.


	20. Seventh Year, Part XI

**A/N: **Well, we still have quite a way to go before the Battle, but we're getting closer. I am, as too many times before, very sorry it's been so long since last time. But to those still sticking with me – I will finish this story, and I will try my best not to let the updates take this long again. For now, just enjoy this!

_**Seventh Year. Part XI.**_

It wasn't until they returned to school after the Easter holidays that they heard it. Padma and Parvati had missed Potterwatch at home, too busy trying to reassure their parents that they were fine, despite both having lost weight and Parvati still being slightly bruised (their mother had seen right through the attempt to cover this up with a thick layer of make-up). Even at the Hogwarts Express, the buzz had been focused on the fact that Ginny was missing, and Neville had had to calm everyone down, telling them he'd received a message from her Galleon that she was fine, but unable to come back.

But by that evening, the word had reached Padma. Two dead men, one dead goblin. It wasn't unusual, and Padma had learned to not take it in every time. But this was different. Not because she knew the men, but because of the rumours of who had been travelling with them.

Dean. Even if he hadn't been found, dead or alive, and the rumour was that he had somehow escaped, nothing was certain. And Padma knew, the moment she stepped into the Muggle Studies classroom the next morning, that neither Parvati nor Seamus had taken these news lightly. It was obvious that neither them, nor Lavender, had slept at all. Padma had been concerned when they didn't show up for breakfast, but this – actually seeing her sister's red, hollow eyes – it was a thousand times worse.

Her heart aching, but knowing she could do nothing but make things worse by drawing attention to her sister, Padma stayed in her seat, staring intently at Parvati, hoping to meet her eye and convey at least some support, some comfort. But Parvati didn't look at her. Her eyes were fixed on Alecto Carrow, whose lip was curling in enjoyment as she spoke of the "cowardly Mudbloods who had tried to escape their rightful punishment", even more as she saw the effect it had on Parvati, who was biting her lip hard, and Seamus, whose fist was clenched under the table.

"As you should all understand very well by now, these Mudbloods are thieves. They steal our magic, they steal our wands, and they tarnish the good name of wizard. They are unworthy scum, they are – "

"No!" Parvati's voice was shaking with anger, as was Seamus's. They had both cracked at the same time.

Alecto grinned maliciously as she shook her head, tutting, looking from one to the other. "No? You want to contradict me?"

"Hell, yeah!" Seamus growled. "You don't know a shite 'bout any of this."

"Really, Mr Finnigan, I don't?" Alecto was fully enjoying this. Padma and Terry reached out for each other's hands, supposedly holding each other back. She felt his grip tighten as Alecto stepped closer to Seamus, and knew he was feeling her trembling.

"No, you fuckin' bitch, you _don't_!" The whole class collectively gasped as Alecto's grin faded.

"Dungeon tonight for you, Mr Finnigan. _And_ a week of detentions, how about that? Then we'll see if you've learned your lesson this time, or if we need to add to that."

"No!" It was Neville who had stood up, defiantly glaring at Alecto, making her switch her attention from Seamus, who had just opened his mouth to argue again. "You can't - "

"Longbottom, Longbottom… You're the last one left now, aren't you, with your pretty little girlfriends gone. I'd be a bit more careful if I were you. You'll join Mr Finnigan in detention. As will you, Miss Patil."

Padma saw Neville's face contort at the reference of Ginny's disappearance, but thankfully, neither he, Seamus nor Parvati protested again.

xxx

It was too much. Parvati had recovered remarkably quickly from her night of torture, and Neville was getting so used to it by now that he waved off concerns. But Seamus didn't get one night of it – he got a whole week, and by the third morning, he couldn't walk without Lavender's assistance. Still, he refused to stay in the Hospital Wing, despite Madam Pomfrey's protests. He'd attend all of his detentions, even if it'd be the last thing he did. He'd said that, Michael and Anthony informed Padma grimly, returning from their visit to Gryffindor Tower. He was getting more and more reckless. They had left Lavender in tears, not knowing what to do to help.

None of them did. It was too much. Too many people were hurting too much, and Padma no longer knew who to attend to. She only knew one thing – it wasn't her that anyone should be worrying about. Not when Seamus was like this, hurting Lavender and himself. Not when Parvati had hardly uttered a word since the news that might have been of Dean. Not when Terry was worried out of his wits about his brother who still hadn't been in touch, and Michael had lost his parents, and Anthony had his sister with a black eye who still refused to assure him that she'd keep a low profile from now on…

It was a week after the Easter holidays, and Parvati had sought her sister out, panic in her red eyes, wavering slightly. Without question, Padma had let Parvati drag her into the Room of Requirement, hearing her mumble that they needed a place where _no one_ could get in, her heart beating faster when she thought she felt the scent of alcohol on her sister's breath.

When she was absolutely sure that they were inside and no one would be able to hear her, Parvati burst into tears. Padma moved to embrace her, but Parvati held up a hand, stopping her. "D-don't. I d-don't deserve it," she stammered, shaking her head violently. Padma knew better than to interrupt. "I – I can't tell anyone. But I – I can't – you'll hate me!"

"Never." The word was steady on Padma's lips.

Parvati met her eyes, tears still spilling down her cheeks, looking doubtful. "I – I'll tell you. But I – I don't know why I did it. It was the F-firewhiskey, and everything with D-Dean, and Shay, and he was _there_ and I – I must've gone insane or – or something. But I let him. I let M-Malfoy…"

Padma's heart stopped, but she was careful not to gasp, not to say anything, to keep her face impassive.

Parvati sobbed harder than ever, and hid her face in her hands for a moment. Then she removed them, and swallowed firmly, choking out the words. "I d-did it. With _h_-_him_. I let him – and you'll hate me, you'll all hate me, he's – " She broke off, unable to form any more words.

Had it been anyone else, Padma couldn't have done it. She couldn't have pushed away every thought of _what the __hell__ were you thinking_ and _he's a fucking Death Eater_. She couldn't have bit back the disgust at picturing _him_ with _her_. She couldn't have refused to judge and put her arms around anyone else. But this was her sister. Her sister, who was so broken that she'd slept with _Malfoy_.

She needed Padma. And if she had been there for her, before, this never would have happened.

xxx

Padma was trembling as she made her way back to Ravenclaw tower. She had been with Parvati in the Room of Requirement for hours, trying to soothe her, holding her as she cried, holding her hair back as she threw up, and, finally, supporting her back to Gryffindor tower. And now, it was almost curfew, and she needed to hurry, but her legs were trembling and she couldn't walk faster, but she couldn't stop _(Merlin, she needed so badly to just stop for a moment, stop, breathe, sit down, breathe, stop the world, stop everything, just take a break_). She couldn't.

So she kept going, forcing her legs to keep moving, forcing down the huge lump in her throat. If the Carrows found her like this – _no_. She had to hurry up.

Her heart stopped as she heard hurried footsteps. There was nowhere to hide. If it was the Carrows…

But it wasn't. Around the corner came Hannah, who stopped short when she saw Padma, taking one look at her and then grabbing her hand resolutely, dragging her down the corridor, closing the door of an empty classroom behind her and casting the _Muffliato _charm. Then she turned to Padma, who was biting down on her lip hard to keep it from trembling.

"Talk." It wasn't a question, but Padma shook her head violently. She couldn't do this. She barely even knew Hannah. And Hannah didn't need this. None of them did. Padma was supposed to be the strong one, holding them up, helping them. She wasn't weak. She couldn't afford to be.

Hannah must have seen the panic in her eyes, because she sighed, and then took a few steps closer, moving to touch Padma's shoulder. But she backed away, still shaking her head. She wanted to say that there was no need, that she was fine, and that she had to go, but her mouth wouldn't open.

Hannah sighed again, her expression even sadder. "It's okay," she whispered softly. "No one can hear us here. It's okay."

Padma kept shaking her head, despite the fact that her eyes were now leaking.

"Padma." Hannah had now backed her into the wall, and placed her arms carefully around her, and Padma found herself not pushing her away. "It's okay. I don't mind. You just need to let go, all right?"

"I – I can't. I'm not – you can't," she stuttered, her throat hurting with the effort to push back sobs.

"I can take it," Hanna assured her, holding her tighter.

Even if she knew she shouldn't, even if she never gave herself permission, even if she hadn't quite let go, one sob was out of her, and then another. And somehow she was trembling worse than ever, and wetting down Hannah's robes and she _hated_ herself for being this weak, but that only made her cry harder and she couldn't stop.

She couldn't stop. Actually, really couldn't stop. Not even after twenty minutes of desperate gasping for air had the tears stopped running down her face, and she just couldn't stop. Hannah, who had seemed so sure about this at first, was starting to look more and more worried.

After another five minutes, Padma managed to squeak out, "I-I'm s-sorry. I c-can't st-op."

"Shh," Hanna hushed her. "Don't apologize. I just – d'you want me to get someone else? Terry?"

Padma shook her head fiercely. "Don't l-leave."

Hannah nodded. "I won't. But," she bit her lip hesitantly, "I'm sure he'd do a much better job at this then I am. We could try getting back to your Tower. It's not far. If we're quiet – "

Padma hesitated. But then she saw Terry's face in her mind, and knew she needed him. She also saw Hannah's pale face in the darkness and knew she couldn't put her through any more of this. She took a few deep breaths. "I'm ready," she croaked out, her eyes still filled, but no longer crying audibly.

Hannah took her hand with a reassuring smile, and they stepped out into the corridor. Safety was only a few paces away, they were at the foot of the stairs, so close, when Hannah froze. Padma saw what she was staring at and stopped too, closing her eyes, hoping so hard that this would all go away.

It didn't. She still heard the footsteps. And she felt Hannah's grip on her hand tighten as she wavered. She opened her eyes, only to meet the grey ones of Head Boy Draco Malfoy.

Malfoy. Who had used her sister's misery to get himself laid. Feeling a strong rush of hate, she ignored the streams of salty water down her face, and mustered up a glare. Surprisingly, he didn't return it.

"Get back to your tower, Patil," he hissed. The two girls waited for his words of detention and Carrows. They never came. Instead, he rolled his eyes. "I mean it, Patil. Just _go_."

"Th-thanks," Hannah mumbled, gaping at him.

He snorted. "Whatever, Abbott. Get going before I change my mind, you pathetic weepy Blood traitors."

Still shocked, they both did as he said and hurried up the staircase. After Hannah had answered the question to enter, Padma motioned for her to come with her inside. "You can't go back out there," she mumbled, silencing Hannah's protests by pointing to a couch in front of their fire. Hannah nodded, but before they had time to say anything else, there were footsteps thundering down the boys' staircase. Suddenly, Padma was being pulled off her feet, and squeezed so hard she couldn't breathe for a few seconds.

She recognized Terry's breath of relief in her hair. "'M fine," she murmured, despite feeling more tears flooding her eyes at the comfort of his arms.

He let her down and took in her appearance. "You're _so_ not. Where were you? What happened?"

She simply shook her head, and felt her throat close up. Thankfully Hannah spoke up instead. "Nothing happened. Well, Malfoy caught us, but he let us go, for some reason or other. Guess he just didn't want to punish girls in that shape," she said, gesturing to Padma. Terry looked at her again, and cringed.

"But what happened? What's wrong?"

"E-everything," she mumbled, hating her eyes for continuing to pour out water. (Shouldn't it be all out of her by now?)

"Aw, Pad." He sighed, and pulled her once again into his arms. "You should've come to me."

"I didn't wanna – I wasn't supposed to – " she stammered, and he gently put his finger to her lips, silencing her.

"C'mon, let's get you to bed."

She shook her head. "I don't want to be alone." She knew she sounded pathetic and she knew she wasn't supposed to be the weak one and she knew that Hannah was listening and that she was putting all this on Terry and he didn't need this on top of everything else. But she couldn't stop herself.

However, he didn't let on that she was making it more difficult for him. (He was too good to her, way too good, she found herself thinking – _he_ was able to keep his emotions in check for her, and why couldn't she do the same for him?) He simply nodded, and then he was leading her up the wrong stairs.

"Wh-what about Mike and A-Anthony?"

"They won't mind. They've been worried about you too. Plus, this way Hannah can have your bed."

"But – "

She couldn't find any more reasons to protest, but she just knew that this wasn't the right thing to do, the selfless thing to do, and yet, she just couldn't be alone, and she just kept letting him lead her forward.

"Good night, Padma," Hannah called out to her, giving her a small, worried smile as she walked up the girls' staircase.

"G-good night," she whispered back. "A-and thanks."

"Yeah. Thanks a lot, Hannah," Terry chipped in, giving her a grateful look over Padma's shoulder.

xxx

"Padma. Seriously. You gotta talk to us if there's something – anything." It was Michael's earnest eyes in hers. It was the morning after her breakdown with Hannah, who had led her to Terry, who had held her through the night. And now, all three boys were gazing at her with so much concern that it was costing her a lot of effort not to start letting the tears fall. It would be so easy to start again. But she wouldn't. They needed her to be strong.

"Yeah, Pad. You don't have to be a bloody saint all the time." Terry stroke her still salty cheek, giving her a weak smile. But she looked at the dark shadows under his eyes and knew he'd never fallen asleep. Her fault.

"You used to let us help you. Last year." She detected something like hurt, and guilt, in Michael's voice. That was the last thing she wanted.

"S'no big deal," she mumbled, trying to keep her eyes steady in his. He'd know she was lying if she looked away. "Wasn't much to talk about."

"Pad, you were a mess," Anthony said, frowning. "Can't deny it now. Just talk to us, 'kay?"

She sighed, thinking fast. She couldn't tell them about Parvati and Malfoy. She couldn't tell her how much it hurt her to see them broken, because the last thing she wanted was for them to think they couldn't lean on her. They could and they should. They needed to, she knew that.

"It's just everything," she mumbled evasively, knowing this wouldn't be enough, but that it would buy her some time. "I'm worried about Shay," she blurted, because he was the first person not present in the room she could think of. "I talked to Lavender yesterday, and she was all broken up about him. She thinks he's really heading downwards, and she was a mess, and that – took a toll on me."

The boys nodded, but none of them looked fully convinced. So she went on. "I just – y'know me. Can't watch someone weeping without getting all weepy myself. It really was no big deal. It's just – a lot."

"Hey, listen," Michael said, dragging his hand through his hair awkwardly, in a way that made the other two boys pointedly look out the window, supposedly giving them privacy. "I know I've been – um, distant, lately. I'm s-"

She interrupted him, shocked. "Don't you dare apologize."

He nodded, swallowing. "All right. I won't. But – just know that you can always come to me. Like before. No matter – everything that's been going on. I'm here."

"As are we," Terry chipped in, putting his arm around her. "No matter what, all right?"

She nodded, pushing back the lump that had risen in her throat. She knew they would be. But that was the very reason she hadn't come to them. Because they couldn't, right now. No matter what they said, they needed her to be strong. So she forced a smile and leaned into Terry, pecking his lips. "Okay. Breakfast?"

**A/N: **So, I have just posted a oneshot explaining the whole Parvati/Malfoy scene, called _**The Other Side**_. I thought that was kind of needed after this, so go read if you're interested – but first, don't forget to let me know what you thought of this!


	21. Seventh Year, Part XII

**A/N: **For those of you who haven't already noticed, I've begun writing another story on the side, called _**The Puffs**_ – it's basically short scenes covering the school years of the Hufflepuffs. Will be a few chapters, but not too long. Mostly I just needed to write something else so that I could get over my writer's block for this story. Seems it worked, because here I go, updating both stories at once! You're very welcome to check the other one out, but first, here is the new chapter.

_**Seventh Year. Part XII.**_

It had apparently happened during a Dark Arts lesson.

Susan had been the one to tell them, her eyes glistening. Nathalie Goldstein was chained up in the dungeons. Padma herself had never been there a whole night. Ginny and Neville had, obviously, as well as Seamus and Ernie. But very few others. It was the punishment used for the real mouthy ones, the ones giving them more trouble than Padma would ever dare to.

And it meant a hell of a lot more than just sitting out the time, from how Seamus had looked when he got up from there last week. He had finally had no choice but to let himself be checked in to the Hospital Wing (he still hadn't been allowed back out).

Susan came up to them during lunch, having heard Crabbe boasting about being the one to have caught her, when she had apparently tried making a run for it, even after Amycus had already tortured her in front of the whole class of shocked first years.

Padma looked at her intently while she spoke, letting every word sink in and pierce her heart. When she stopped talking, however, Padma's head whipped around. Anthony was sitting across from her, and in the time Susan had been talking, his face had gone ashen, his lips so tight they were barely visible, and his eyes were dazed, out of focus. Terry sat frozen, petrified.

Michael, however, stood up quickly and determinedly. "They can't do this," he growled, before storming off, his jaw set in anger.

Terry frowned after him, turning to Padma. "What'd'you reckon - ?"

"I suppose he's going to McGonagall," she shrugged, determined not to let herself think anything else. After all, that had been her first thought. It might not make any difference, but you shouldn't underestimate her wrath. And this was a first year, in her own house. Maybe she could do something…

"Yeah," Terry said, seemingly shaking off some other idea too. "Makes sense," he added, again glancing wearily at Anthony, who was still sitting absolutely still, not blinking.

xxx

It was four hours later and Michael hadn't returned. The three of them had neglected their afternoon classes, spending the endless hours in the common room, Padma and Terry all the while exchanging more and more panicked glances as Anthony's shoulders grew stiffer. He hadn't moved since they'd sat down, and he hadn't spoken. Neither had they. What was there to say? Padma had contemplated touching him, attempting comfort, but realized that any such attempt would be insufficient, almost pathetically so, considering the situation. So she simply sat there, trying to ignore the suspicion that had been nagging at her ever since Michael left.

_If he had gone to McGonagall, he'd be back by now. But maybe not if it took time to find her, if he stayed to persuade her, to wait and see if it worked, so that he wouldn't come back without news? Maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance that he hadn't…_

Her thoughts were interrupted as Mandy and Lisa entered the common room, apparently finished with their classes for the day. But there was something about them – about the way their shoulders slumped. About the way Lisa hid her face and Mandy's horror-struck expression. Padma's heart froze. She didn't breathe, trying to tell herself that this might all be because they were feeling sorry for Anthony.

Spotting the three of them, Lisa gave a sob and escaped up the staircase. Mandy looked worriedly after her, but took a few steps towards them. "You heard?" she asked, her voice shaking.

Padma shook her head, meeting the other girl's eyes with such understanding that Mandy's lip started to tremble. She merely had to nod.

"M-Mike?" Padma whispered, her voice filled with tears. "They – they caught him?"

Mandy nodded again. "H-he was trying to free a first year, they said. Sh-she got away, b-but he – "

Padma could see it happening in her mind's eye. Michael's urgent voice, telling Nathalie to run, that he'd hold them off, that he'd be right behind her…

"_Fuck!_" Anthony's voice was raw from lack of use. He hid his face in his hands.

xxx

As soon as he had recovered somewhat, Anthony had risen, informing them in a rough, short voice that he was going to the Hospital Wing. Padma and Terry had followed without a word, having some trouble keeping up with him.

In a bed, being tended to by Madam Pomfrey, they found a red-eyed, hysterical Nathalie. Anthony enveloped her in his arms and let her sob hard into his shoulder. Padma caught a few words here and there – "I'm so sorry" and "your friend" and "I didn't mean to".

His voice deep with the effort not to sound vulnerable in front of her, he assured her that it wasn't her fault.

Still crying, but not as violently, Nathalie pulled away from her older brother. "I – I didn't think they'd do th-that to me. I just – I didn't think. They were saying these things and I just – I couldn't take it."

This time, Anthony didn't trust his voice, and instead simply rocked her gently back and forth as her tears continued to fall in silence. Meanwhile, Padma swallowed hard, and Terry squeezed her hand so much it almost hurt, steadily keeping his gaze out the window.

xxx

Padma was actually shaking with the effort it took not to curl up into a ball on the floor and cry her eyes out. It had been so many hours of simply sitting, first in the common room, now in the Hospital Wing. Waiting. Waiting and not knowing how bad it was. Just knowing that it had to be worse than anything they'd been through before.

It was past midnight when they heard hushed voices outside.

"It was mere luck that they did not kill him. If they had gone on much longer…" McGonagall broke off, her voice trembling slightly.

"He is strong," Flitwick piped up, though sounding uncharacteristically anxious. "Madam Pomfrey will be able to help."

"I do hope you are right, Filius," McGonagall mumbled, before pushing open the doors to the Hospital Wing.

Padma, Anthony and Terry were on their feet within seconds. None of them seemed to have the capacity to form words, but their expressions spoke the question quite clearly. Flitwick recovered first from the shock of finding them there, awake.

"Mr Goldstein, would you be so kind as to go wake Madam Pomfrey? Tell her it's urgent."

Anthony was at her office door within seconds. Padma and Terry still stood there, transfixed, staring at the form of Michael that was being Levitated through the air. He was broken. It was the first word that came to Padma's mind when she saw the blood covering his face, the deep gash on his shoulder all the way down his arm, the odd angles both his legs were in, his sickly yellow-white, unconscious face. This was not Michael. It couldn't be.

Through the corner of her eye, she saw Terry waver, staring open-mouthed at his friend.

McGonagall placed a kind hand on Padma's shoulder. "It is not as bad as it looks, I can assure you. Madam Pomfrey will be able to help him."

She could only nod, and keep staring at Michael's unmoving form through dry eyes. This was bigger than crying. During the hours of worry, she'd had to fight it. Now, the lump was gone. This was bigger than that.

xxx

Flitwick forced them to leave in the morning to attend their classes. Terry protested using a colourful variety of words, but Flitwick had shook his head sadly and told them that he understood them perfectly, but that they couldn't risk the Carrows going after them as well. Which meant that they had to keep up appearances, and not give them any excuse for detention.

This meant that they weren't there when Michael first woke up again. Even if he had apparently only been conscious for a few minutes, Padma's heart actually hurt as she heard this, while Terry's fist hit the wall. They should have been there.

When they were allowed back in, it was hours before he awoke again. None of them were asleep though, even if both Anthony and Terry had been dozing off. When he moved, Padma gasped, and both of them were wide awake in a second.

"H-hi," Michael croaked, forcing his lips to form a smile, but wincing at the pain it cost him, making it look more like a grimace.

"Hey," Terry mumbled quietly. It was the first time Padma had heard his voice since any of this started.

"You shouldn't've done it." Anthony's face was set, his voice almost harsh.

Michael tried to raise an eyebrow, but failed as there was a painful cut right there. "That's the way you thank me for saving your sis'?"

"You should've told us. We would've helped. _I_ should have done it." Anthony's voice cracked.

"Mate, s'not your fault. T'was my choice to do it."

"Yeah, well, it was bloody stupid!" Anthony snapped, standing up and starting to pace the room. "Didn't you even think about us, eh?"

Michael didn't respond to this, closing his eyes for a moment, biting down on his lip hard. It was obvious he was still in pain, despite Madam Pomfrey's best efforts.

"S-sorry." Anthony's voice was small again, as he too watched Michael.

"S'fine," Michael grunted, his voice more strained then before. "I was a bit of an idiot." Again, he tried for a grin.

"It's not fine! _You're_ not fine." Anthony's face had gone stony again, but his eyes were betraying him.

"I am. I can take a few hits." Michael made a move as if to flex his arm muscles, but had to choke back a large groan of pain as he tried to lift his arm.

"You're _not_ fine. You might as well stop pretending on my account. I already know it should've been me and that this is all my fault." Before any of them had realized what had happened, Anthony had slammed the door behind him.

Michael made to sit up, but fell back against the pillow, wincing. Padma exchanged a look with Terry, who was out the door within seconds.

Being alone with Michael, she moved to sit down beside him on the bed, placing her cool hand softly on his forehead. "You're not fine, Mike," she whispered at his still closed eyes after the last shock of pain.

"I know," he muttered after a few seconds, his voice tired and weak in a way he hadn't let it be in front of the boys. "Man, it _hurts_," he admitted, opening his eyes and meeting hers for the first time. She had to bite her lip when she saw that they were glittering. "I didn't want them to see that," he went on. "I knew Tony'd take it like this."

"He's just – worried."

He nodded, then cringed again. "I've gotta stop doing that." His tone was light again, and she let her hand stroke his cheek.

"You don't have to pretend with me." She was surprised herself at how steady her voice came out.

He swallowed. "Y-yeah. I know. It's just – I couldn't stand her being there, y'know." She nodded, keeping her face carefully under control as she watched his eyes water. "S'not just this, either," he mumbled. "Pomfrey – she asked me earlier if I wanted her to call anyone outside school. Parents or somethin'." One tear escaped his right eye and fell down onto the pillow. She heard him swallow even harder.

Her first instinct was to embrace him and never ever let go and let him cry into her shoulder if he needed to. But she had to stop herself, knowing how much pain he was in from merely nodding. Instead, she carefully took his uninjured hand and kept on stroking his hair with the other.

When Terry and Anthony returned, about half an hour later, she hastily wiped his cheeks and rose, leaving the space closest to Michael open. He was still awake, barely, but sobered as his two friends entered again.

This time, he didn't try for a smile or joke. He merely looked at them.

Anthony was the first to move to his side. "I'm sorry, mate," he mumbled, his voice thick. Michael nodded, not even trying for words.

Terry, having kept in the background, now stepped forward, white as a sheet, staring at Michael as if he was a ghost. "You – you okay?" he asked, running his hand through his hair nervously.

Michael hesitated, then shook his head slightly. Seeing Terry's face fall, he added, "I will be."

"Just don't – don't scare us like that again," Terry mumbled, bowing his head to the floor.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Anthony was looking at Michael imploringly, almost pleadingly.

"I won't if you won't." Michael tried a grin, before dozing off again.

**A/N: **Well, some of the reason I wanted to start writing something else was that it's just so _hard_ for them, all the time. I needed a break from the depression of this seventh year, even if I need to keep writing it until the end and it has to be like this. So, for a while, I'll be working on both **_The Puffs_** and this. But don't worry, I won't ever neglect my Ravenclaws for too long!


	22. Seventh Year, Part XIII

**A/N: **Well, I hardly need to explain why I'm suddenly updating again. I guess the last film will do that to you.

(Just to remind you where we are: Michael was just tortured for rescuing Nathalie Goldstein from the dungeons.)

Hope you enjoy this!

_**Seventh Year. Part XIII.**_

The next day, Nathalie was released from the Hospital Wing, physically fully recovered. However, as Padma joined Anthony in walking her back to her common room while Terry stayed with the still groggy Michael, she felt her heart tug as she watched the young girl. A young girl who, despite the war, had up until now always seemed so very child-like. Happy. Now, that spark seemed to be lost to the darkness under her red eyes. It hurt. Seeing that really hurt.

And if it hurt Padma, it must be nothing to how it affected Anthony. But he was trying so hard to be strong for his little sister that he actually smiled as he attempted casual conversation.

Nathalie merely looked at him, shutting him up effectively, his shoulders slumping.

As they reached the common room, Parvati and Lavender met them in the common room portrait hole.

"Nathalie, thank goodness," Lavender burst out, bending down to give the girl a quick embrace. "We were worried about you, you know."

"I – I'm sorry," Nathalie croaked, her eyes watering.

"It's okay, though," Parvati hurriedly assured her. "We've all done things like that. We know it's not easy to just sit there and do nothing."

"However, we are older than you," Lavender added, now having grabbed Nathalie's hand as she made to lead her further into the common room. "And you should not be doing anything like that again. All right?"

Nathalie nodded, swallowing. Then she let go of Lavender's hand and jumped on Anthony, hugging him tightly around the waist. The three girls looked away as they heard his muffled voice in her hair, whispering that it was all going to be okay.

As Lavender once again took Nathalie's hand and led her inside, Parvati walked up to Anthony, whose lips were very tightly shut. "We've got this. We'll keep an eye on her," she assured him, giving both him and Padma a nod before following the other two girls inside.

Padma now turned to the still very stiff Anthony, still staring after his sister as the portrait hole closed behind her. Gently, she placed her hand on his shoulder. He shook her off. "Don't. It's my fault. I should've looked after her, should've made sure this didn't – " he trailed off, closing his eyes briefly.

"You couldn't be in her lessons. You can't be with her everywhere. It wasn't your fault."

"My fault that Mike got himself tortured, though, wasn't it? Like he needed that, after everything else," Anthony muttered, kicking the wall in frustration. "I didn't even _think_ he'd – "

"Of course you didn't. None of us did." He remained silent, keeping his gaze intently fixed on the wall. "You wanna go back and see him?" she chanced, hoping that maybe seeing Michael's slow but steady recovery would be helpful. But he shook his head.

"I'll just – see you tonight," he said gruffly, before turning and walking away without looking at her.

xxx

"Okay. Listen up everyone." Neville still seemed just a little surprised every time the whole room of DA members actually silenced at his command, offering him their full attention. "Right. I know all of you have heard about Michael. I know that some of you are worried, as it seems the Carrows are going to go down harder on us from now on. Which is why I think we should consider laying low for a while."

A mumble of protest was heard. Seamus was the one who spoke up. "What if we don't care?" he asked defiantly.

But Neville looked at him steadily. "Shay. Mike was nearly killed. We don't know where they'll draw the line next time."

That sobered many of the protesters, and even Seamus didn't speak up again.

"However, I do not mean that we should end the DA," Neville continued, once he seemed sure that no one was about to interrupt again. "If anyone feels they wish to withdraw their membership, that is always possible, but I believe that we should keep going, for those who wish it. We can still keep doing the underground stuff, taking care of anyone who is injured, keeping an eye on the Carrows. Just – take fewer risks. All right?"

Seamus nodded grudgingly, and the rest of the group agreed heartily.

Padma said nothing. Michael was still in the Hospital Wing. It had almost been a week, and he wasn't even allowed to get up. It was getting dangerous. More dangerous.

And yet – she was in this now, wasn't she? She'd been in it from the start, with Parvati, with Michael, Terry and Anthony. They were in this mess together. She couldn't back out. It was too late for that.

So when Parvati sent her a questioning look, she forced a smile and a nod. She was in.

xxx

Padma was in way over her head. She had known that someone needed to get through to Anthony, to force him to stop avoiding all of them, walking around sulking, beating himself up about Nathalie and Michael. She had also been trying to get Terry to confront him for days. But he'd made excuses, even though she knew perfectly well that it was because he was terrified he and Anthony would fall out again. This was why she was still trying to be patient, even if she knew that Anthony needed his friends, and that while Michael was still in the Hospital Wing and Anthony refused to go anywhere near that area of the castle, Terry was the one to who'd have to talk to him.

She knew that he didn't need her comfort or forgiveness or whatever it was he sought. She had tried, multiple times. Nothing. So she'd figured he needed his two closest friends. Not her.

It had been mostly out of habit that she'd grasped his shoulder as she passed his chair in the otherwise empty common room. (Terry had gone to bed early, but she hadn't been able to leave Anthony down here, even if she had long since given up on any kind of contact with him).

She definitely hadn't expected him to freeze and close his eyes at her touch, as if trying to stop something escaping his eyelids. She had expected him to shrug her off. Ignore her. Like he had done for the past five days. Not that it didn't still sting a bit, but she'd been growing more used to it.

Now, however, his eyes were closed, his lips tight and she still had her hand on his shoulder. "T-Tony?" she whispered, gaping at him.

He didn't open his eyes. "They hate me."

"What? Who hates you?" She was relieved to hear her voice steadying as she started to slip into the familiar role of comforter.

"Mike. Terr." He grunted their names, as if they were painful to speak.

"Where in the world have you gotten that idea?" she asked, incredulously, forgetting her usual policy of waiting for the person she was comforting to speak first, saying as little as possible herself. This had caught her off guard. Just the fact that he was talking, to her…

He opened his eyes, giving her a sceptical, very forced grin. "As if you don't know. It was my fault, wasn't it? Mike…" He trailed off, dragging his hand over his face. "Terr even hated me before that. Everything I said… I don't blame him. And now I've gotten his best mate tortured to pieces. I'd hate me too."

"You do know that you're his best friend too, right?" she ventured, keeping her hand on his shoulder, while she fumbled with her DA coin with the other, behind his chair. A short message: _Common room, now! _

Anthony huffed. "Right. Nice try, Pad. You should hate me too, I don't even know why you bother - "

"Anthony, please, don't talk like that." She really, honestly, had no idea how to deal with this. Terry, she knew so well. Michael was always so bluntly honest. And she had thought she could deal with Anthony, too, with his silences. But this was bigger. She needed Terry, and so did he. "You know I don't hate you. No one does." She heard her own voice growing hysterical, and closed her mouth.

"No one? Good one. Except Terr and Mike, who've been avoiding me all week."

"It's you who've been avoiding us, mate." Terry's face was pale as he descended the last steps of the staircase, hair on end, but widely awake. "I figured – you needed some space."

Padma knew better than to tell him she'd told him so. She kept quiet, watching the two boys' eyes meet, Terry's wide, Anthony's still sceptical.

"I – I'm sorry," Terry mumbled, slightly awkwardly, but not looking away.

Anthony frowned. "What the hell're _you_ sorry about?"

Terry shrugged. "Making you think we're avoiding you. Not telling you that we've been wondering about you. That – that we've missed you. That _I've_ missed you. Not just this week – before, too." Now, his gaze found the floor, so only Padma got to see Anthony close his eyes briefly, before clearing his throat.

"I – I'm sorry too. For that, before. And about – about Mike." He swallowed audibly.

"Mate, it wasn't your fault. How many times do we have to tell you that? He did it. _Not_ your fault."

"But – I haven't even been there all week. I should've – "

"He gets it," Padma stepped in.

"He does," Terry assured, nodding fervently. "He's just worried 'bout you, mate. You've gotta stop beating yourself up."

Anthony hesitated, then nodded. "You – you comin' with me to see Mike before breakfast tomorrow?" he asked tentatively.

"'Course," Terry grinned, offering Anthony his hand and pulling him out of the chair. "Now, I think that we all need our beauty sleep. Particularly you," he said, nodding to Anthony, who looked like he hadn't slept in a week. "You look like something that crawled out of a Hippogriff's arsehole."

xxx

As Terry looked up from his letter, his eyes were glistening and there was an almost manic expression on his face that Padma first could not decide if it was good or bad. Then he kissed her, so passionately that it made Professor McGonagall, who just walked by their table, exclaim; "For heaven's sake, Boot, this is a place for eating food, not faces!"

Pulling back, Padma looked at him questioningly, her stomach still tight. What if it was bad news, and he just wanted to forget?

And then she saw his lips quirk upwards, so easily, like they used to do so often before everything started. "Derek. He wrote," he offered as explanation, still looking dazed with relief. Suppressing the lurch of guilt that she'd almost let herself forget about Terry's brother in the midst of worrying about Michael, Parvati and Anthony, she grabbed his hand.

"That's wonderful," she smiled, and he nodded, his grin still widening.

"Yeah. It is. It's just – a week ago, everything was a mess, and now – I mean, Mike's getting released tomorrow. _You're_ talking to us again," he added, nodding to Anthony. "I dunno. Just feels like it's all comin' together."

"Know what you mean," Anthony chipped in. "It is sort of nice talking to you guys again. Well, except when you do that. Seriously, would you get a room or something?" he cringed as Terry gave Padma another deep, long kiss, his hands founding their way down her back…

"Y'know, maybe that's not a bad idea," Terry mumbled so that only Padma could hear him.

She raised an eyebrow. "Getting a room?"

He grinned suggestively, wriggling his eyebrows in a way that made her giggle. Without forcing herself to. Which felt so good, even if it also felt slightly out of practice.

He looked so happy. Relieved, yes, but also just shining with pure happiness. And her stomach felt lighter than she could remember since Christmas, the last time they'd…

And she had hardly ever missed a Herbology class. She was sure Professor Sprout wouldn't mind _that_ much.

"Lead the way, then," she grinned, making him actually chuckle with surprise.

"You do surprise me, Patil, you really do." He stopped, turning to Anthony to offer an explanation.

He raised his hand. "Please, for the love of Merlin, don't. The less I know, the better." But even he couldn't help smiling to himself as Terry practically bounced out the hall, his hand in Padma's.

xxx

Everything was supposed to be falling into place. Michael was back with them. Even if he was still going to bed very early at night, he was back and walking and talking and being Mike. Even Nathalie had been spotted smiling with her friends. Anthony and Terry seemed closer than ever. Even if Parvati hadn't been cheerful for a long time, she seemed more stable these days, and had assured Padma that Malfoy never had bothered her again.

And, two days ago, she'd skipped her morning class for the chance to live a little and be happier than she'd been all semester. With Terry, in an empty classroom, she'd laughed, she'd smiled, she'd told him she loved him, and he'd told her, over and over. They'd kissed for a long time, merely exploring. And then, slowly, more and more clothing had been removed, and everything had been so much less awkward this time, so much more fun and comfortable and not nervous at all. And it hadn't made her forget, because she hadn't thought there was that much to forget any more. Because things were _fine_.

Except that there was still a war going on. They still had Death Eaters in the school. There were still Death Eaters in the world, and they were all still in danger.

The Muggle Studies lesson became the cold rush that brought Padma back to reality. Alecto Carrow had been holding a particularly nasty presentation of why Muggles were retarded, vicious, and probably would eat their own children if they were hungry enough, since they hardly recognized them anyway, being too stupid to do so.

Padma was trying hard not to listen, firmly keeping her eyes on her desk. She could feel Terry stiffen beside her and saw Michael set his jaw. She grabbed Terry's hand, trying to keep him from doing something stupid.

But even while she was keeping her head down, she caught the movement in the corner of her eye. It was Neville who had stood up, shaking with rage.

"_Yes_, Mr Longbottom?" Alecto didn't attempt to hide her glee at his strong reaction. "Do you have a question?"

"I do," said Neville, through gritted teeth. "I'm just interested in how much Muggle blood you and your filth of a brother have got, since you seem so _well-informed _about how they act?"

Alecto's colour rose as her eyes turned into slits. "You know, Longbottom, I'd be a bit more careful if I were you. If _I_ had a little granny, living alone, unprotected, I'd be a bit more careful, see."

As Neville paled, Alecto walked up to him and slashed the right side of his face lazily with a content grin. He didn't even flinch, but still looked horrified behind the blank mask as the lesson went on and blood dripped steadily down his robes.

All through dinner, Padma, Terry, Anthony and Michael hardly spoke. Mandy and Lisa next to them were whispering fervently to each other, both looking shaken. Padma kept glancing over at Neville, who was sitting next to a very awkward-looking Seamus, staring blankly into space.

Without having eaten much, but sitting at the table long enough not to raise suspicion, they left for the Room of Requirement.

The moment they entered, Hannah was by Neville's side. "I heard," she said, placing a hand on his arm. She didn't ask if he was okay. She just looked at him, and his stoic mask faded. He brought his hands up to cover his face.

Everyone was silent while he took a few deep breaths. Then, he looked up, clearing his throat.

Hannah, after giving him one more sympathetic look, spoke up. "You were a bit of an idiot, you know. You were the one who said we were going to lay low, and the rest of us have been following that. Even Seamus." He gave a faint grin at her nod in his direction. "You shouldn't've done it."

"I know," Neville sighed. "I know, Hannah – I…"

"It's okay. We all make mistakes. Just don't do it again. And let Padma take a look at that cut, will you? It doesn't look very good."

xxx

It was three days later when Neville didn't show up for breakfast. Padma and the other Ravenclaws were going crazy with worry, but knew better than to walk over to the Gryffindor table to ask. Padma did steal glances at them, and noticed with relief that they ate quite normally, and chatted, if not happily, at least they chatted. Which they probably wouldn't have done if Neville had been murdered in the hours of the night.

Still, when Parvati walked up to her after Potions, Padma felt the anxiety rising again.

Under the pretence of giving Padma a spontaneous hug, Parvati mumbled, almost inaudibly; "He's in the Room. He's fine. As is his grandma."

But even if it was very much a relief to hear that Neville was in fact not brutally murdered, Padma couldn't shake off that feeling. For a couple of days, it'd felt like normal again. Good normal, even. And now – well, the war was still here, getting worse with every passing day. They never were going to let her forget that, were they?


	23. Seventh Year, Part XIV

**A/N: **I know. It's been six months. I am so sorry. But I always do update, eventually, don't I? And right now I'm home sick from work, so I had some time, and voila! An extra long chapter after an extra long wait! Hopefully, it won't take as long before the next update, but I make no promises except that I will not abandon this. We're getting so close now. I reckon just one or two chapters more and we'll be heading into the Battle (I've got to deal with the whole Terry getting tortured for shouting about Harry's breakout from Gringotts first, obviously). Okay, enough of my ramblings. Please let me know what you think.

_**Seventh Year. Part XIV.**_

It had been two days since Neville disappeared and they'd all decided it'd be safer not to use the room so as to not draw attention to it when Parvati, Lavender and Seamus came running around a corner, decidedly out of breath. Michael was the one who flung open the door to the empty classroom and pushed the three Gryffindors, along with Padma, inside. Meanwhile, Terry and Anthony had already started running through a side-corridor, making as much noise as possible, to mislead them.

"Th-thanks, mate," Seamus muttered as Michael carefully closed the door behind the five of them. Padma flinched at the sight of his face, already bruising quite heavily.

"No problem," shrugged Michael, though his constant glances over his shoulder told Padma it was only very reluctantly that he was refraining from playing bait himself. Padma knew it was hard on him, but she also knew that he'd been smart not to try. While he'd finally been released from the Hospital Wing, trying to outrun angry Carrows wouldn't have been the best idea. She was thankful that he at least had recognized that, even if her stomach squirmed too at the thought of Terry and Anthony getting caught. She knew they were fast, but perhaps not fast enough…

"What happened?" she asked, the question suddenly hitting her, turning directly to her sister.

Parvati's eyes, dry and determined a minute ago, weakened as they met hers. "It was stupid," she whispered, bowing her head.

"The hell it wasn't!" Seamus protested. "We know they're incestuous sadistic bastards. So what if we've written it on the wall. It's just tellin' the bloody truth!"

Lavender put her hand on Seamus's shoulder and he calmed visibly. "Shay," she mumbled gently, and then turned to Parvati as he silenced. "You're right. We probably shouldn't've done it. But – "

Parvati nodded, her eyes still watery. "I know. It felt right. _Doing_ something. But if it's gonna get Terr and Tony into trouble…"

"You really think they're gonna let them catch up?" Michael spoke up, forcing a pretty convincingly unconcerned grin.

"Hopefully not. But still, they know it was us. They caught us at it," Lavender added matter-of-factly. "It was just barely that Shay managed to distract them and let us get away." Padma gasped, and Michael frowned.

But the three Gryffindors were looking at each other in turns. Seamus put his hand around Lavender's shoulders and Lavender grabbed Parvati's.

"What?" Michael asked, bewilderment written clearly across his face.

"I think," Lavender began, but changed this at Seamus' and Parvati's indignant looks, "well, we think – it's time."

"For what?" Padma sought her sister's eyes, but Parvati wasn't looking at her.

"Time to follow Neville's lead and disappear." Seamus said it without flinching. Padma, however, found herself bursting out a protest.

"No. You can't do that. No." She shook her head, over and over.

Michael's hand was on her shoulder, but Parvati gave him a look and then one to the others. "I reckon it's pretty safe 'round here at the moment. You better hurry. I'll be right behind you."

Lavender hesitated, but Seamus grabbed her hand and she nodded. They peaked out, and went off at a run, hand in hand. Michael hadn't moved.

"C'mon, Mike. Just wait outside a sec, okay? I need a word with Pad. You can walk her back to your tower afterwards."

The moment he was out the door, Padma turned on her sister. "What d'you mean he's gonna walk me back to the tower? If you're going, I'm coming with you."

Parvati took her hand, shaking her head slowly. "No, you're not. You don't have to. You can still fight. You have to keep going, all right?"

"What if I don't care?"

"Doesn't matter, because you do. You wouldn't leave Terr, Mike and Tony." Parvati was sounding way too condescending and it was driving her crazy.

"But – " she began, but Parvati interrupted her, stepping closer and lowering her voice.

"Look. I know I've been out of shape lately, and I know I haven't been the best sister to you, or friend to Lavender, or fighter or whatever. But you don't have to worry 'bout me. I'll be fine."

"You're _not_ fine. You went to Malfoy, that's how bloody not fine you are!" She could see Parvati's face blanching and found that oddly satisfying. "And I bet all the Galleons in Gringotts you still haven't told Lavender about that, have you? She doesn't know, so she can't help you. And I know I've been distracted too, but I'll be there now, if you just let me…"

"Pad, don't you get it? It's not about if I'm emotionally fine or not. It's about surviving right now, period. And we're going to do that. All of us. And the minute the Carrows are on to you guys, you join us. But not yet. The others need you."

"Who the hell needs me? I'm not a fighter, I'm not – "

"Terry needs you." Parvati's voice was low, and it made Padma stop dead. "And so do the others. You're the Healer, and you're – you. They need you a lot more than I do right now." The two sisters looked at each other for a few moments, and Padma felt the angry frustration turn into water in her eyes.

"But you're not fine," she whispered as she enveloped her sister in a close embrace.

"Pad, none of us are. But we're alive, and I'd like to keep it that way. So don't worry 'bout me, 'kay? Don't follow me. Just go with Mike back to bed."

With one last squeeze of Padma's hand, she was out the door, leaving Padma staring unseeingly after her, hating herself for not accompanying her sister, and yet unable to move until Michael's hands were steering her back to Ravenclaw Tower.

xxx

It had been a few minutes where Padma refused to stop pacing, despite Michael's attempts at telling her to just go to bed. After a particularly sharp I-don't-exactly-see-_you_-going-to-bed-yourself glare, he'd stopped trying with a shrug. This had made Padma's heart clench even worse. She knew that if he hadn't been going crazy himself with wondering why the _hell_ Terry and Anthony weren't back yet, he'd never have given in that easily.

When they did show up, panting hard, Anthony clutching at a stitch in his side, Padma felt her eyes actually water for a second in relief. She hurriedly blinked it away, wrapping her arms around Terry who'd made his way over to her in no time at all, sweeping her off her feet.

"You're okay," he murmured in her ear.

"Me?" she said incredulously, lifting her head to meet his eyes. "'Course _I'm _fine. You're the one who was off being all bloody heroic."

"'T was nothing, really." He shrugged, giving a lop-sided grin. She raised her eyebrows, and then turned to Anthony, who grimaced at her piercing gaze.

"Not nothing, I wouldn't say. They were really close to catching us up at fourth, but Terry shot some spell at them to make it all dark behind us, so they didn't even see us, and then we got a head start."

"See?" Terry grinned at Padma. "Nothing to worry 'bout. They didn't see us, or catch us. Or the others."

She frowned. "I don't know a spell that makes it all dark. You know spells that I don't?"

He mocked being insulted. "You underestimate me and my skills, Patil." But then he caved under her gaze. "Fine. Wasn't a spell. That Weasley's Darkness Powder. Uselful. I've been carrying it around a while. Just in case."

"Well, that was still some clever thinking, y'know. Boot, you're not as stupid as you look," Padma smirked.

"Well, sometimes. When he gets lucky, that is," Anthony chipped in.

"Wow. Praise that managed to be more insulting than not. Thanks, guys. Really. It warms my heart." Terry rolled his eyes. "And you're still really pleased there wasn't a spell I knew that you didn't, aren't you?" he added, turning to Padma.

"Well – hell, yeah! You're not the smart one in this relationship. Thought that was decided ages ago."

"Was I in on that decision?"

"Dunno. Must've been when you weren't paying attention." She shrugged, winking at him.

"Let me get this straight. I'm the stupid one, fine. Can I at least be the handsome one?"

"Mate, sorry to break this to you, but have you seen your girlfriend?" Michael nodded to Padma. "Like my sister, but man, she's hot!"

Padma felt her colouring rise, and for some reason, so was Anthony's.

"O-kay. Letting _that_ go, what am I then?" Terry asked, actually pouting now.

Padma pretended to think about it for a moment. "The second smartest and the second prettiest?" she suggested, grinning at his disappointment. "The smartest guy, then? That's all I've got."

"Fine." He pretended to sulk. "I'll take that. But you owe me a big, fat snogging session."

She rolled her eyes. "I might be able to make the sacrifice." Actually, her whole body was aching with relief that he was okay, that they were all okay, at least for now. And her mind was exhausted from all the worrying and emotions, so now she just wanted to forget and enjoy him. Even if it felt wrong somehow, with everything being so screwed up, to just banter on with him and the guys, yet, it felt so normal that she could've cried.

xxx

Anthony and Michael had come barging into the boys' dormitory, demanding that snogging time was up and bed time had arrived. She had given him one last, deep good night kiss, containing just how much she didn't want to leave. Yet, she had. She had walked down the dark staircase, her heart already starting to pound at the silence surrounding her. Feeling silly, telling herself she had to be safe in her own common room, even if it was empty, even if it was late and dark, she had all the same ran the way up the girls' staircase, slamming the door behind her as she'd reached her dormitory, making Mandy and Lisa jump.

"Sorry," she cringed. "Did I wake you?"

Lisa shook her head. "We weren't asleep," she said in a slightly hollow voice. It had sounded like that all year. Padma, with everyone else to worry about, had not really taken the time to investigate, leaving the two girls to lean on each other for the most part, but now she felt a guilty twinge and decided to do something about that.

"Why not? It's late. You worrying too much or what?" she asked, keeping her voice light.

Lisa looked away. "Something like that," she mumbled.

"It's getting scary 'round here." Mandy's voice was thinner than usual, sincere.

"I know." Padma gave a wry smile. "Why'd you think I was running like a maniac to get up here?"

"_You_ were scared?" Mandy asked incredulously.

"Not just now. I've been pretty much terrified all year." Somehow, it wasn't hard to admit it to them, who so unashamedly showed their own fear constantly. It was a different thing with her boys, with Parvati, with the DA. But Mandy and Lisa – she had a feeling they needed to hear that they weren't the only ones.

"You're just saying that," Lisa stated flatly. "If you'd really been, you wouldn't've been in that army."

But Padma shook her head. "Doesn't work like that. Some of the others – I reckon they're not too scared. At least not for themselves, only for others. The Gryffindors. But me – not like that. I just – I can't not be helping them."

"We've thought about it," Mandy suddenly confessed. "I've been feeling terrible all year, not helping. But it's just – we're not that kind of people. I may be a Ravenclaw, but under pressure, I can't even Disarm or anything. I just – it's not me. I know it's selfish, but I can't risk all that. Maybe I should've been in Slytherin too, like Blaise, but I just really want to _live_, y'know."

"I get it," Padma nodded. "Really. I do. Honestly, if Parvati hadn't, and Terry and the others hadn't, I probably never would've even considered it. But when they're in, I'm in. I can't let them do it without me. Even if it scares the hell out of me just to walk the halls alone when I know just what those people are capable of."

The other two were silent for a long moment. Padma thought she saw Lisa shuddering.

"Well, I guess we better go to sleep, then." Mandy didn't sound very enthusiastic about it. "Gosh, I really wish Blaise was in this house. I mean, a girl could use a pair of strong arms around her. Frankly, I don't see what the hell you're doing here, Pad. You've got those arms, and we all know you've not been sleeping well on your own."

Padma opened her mouth to protest that she was fine, she didn't need Terry, she wasn't that dependant and girly – but then she remembered the feeling of his arms around her, his breath on her neck, and just how _safe_ she felt with him. And she felt her head pounding with exhaustion, and knew that she could really use a good night's sleep.

"See?" Mandy said, giving a small grin as she spotted Padma's hesitation. "Just go. We'll be fine. And you need it."

"Well, I – maybe – all right. I guess I'll – thanks," she spluttered, before grabbing her pillow, taking a deep breath and heading back into the darkness. This time, she did sprint, but her heart didn't beat as furiously, knowing where she was heading.

She had a moment of doubt in front of their door, her hand raised in the air to knock, thoughts invading her head, questioning this, if it was too silly, if they would think she was disturbing them…

But then she remembered Terry's eyes as she had left the room earlier, and knew he wouldn't mind. She was being silly, standing out here. She could trust them. They had, after all, told her to ask for help when she needed it.

So she timidly knocked on the door, but entered without waiting for an answer, peeking over the threshold. Within seconds, the lights were turned on and three wands were pointing at her. It was obvious that neither of the boys had yet managed to fall asleep.

"It's just me," she mumbled, suddenly feeling embarrassed again. "I – I couldn't sleep."

Terry gave a small smile, and then just simply made room for her beside him and patted the sheet, gesturing for her to lie down.

"S-sorry, guys," she continued, unable to stop herself, but then she met Michael's eyes. They effectively shut her up. She glanced over at Anthony, who softly shook his head. She managed a weak smile, before crawling in under Terry's outstretched arm.

"G'night," she mumbled to them all, already feeling her eyelids drooping as Terry's hand stroked her shoulder and his breath warmed her neck.

xxxx

It took a while before Padma realized where she was, or why exactly there was an arm slung around her shoulders. Or why it didn't smell like in her dormitory. Or why she heard the distinct sound of snoring. Neither Mandy nor Lisa snored.

Yet, she didn't panic. She felt safe, with the snoring, with the arm, in this room. It felt right. Before she opened her eyes, she noted with surprise that it was already way past dawn. It had been a long time since she hadn't woken up in the middle of the night at least once, drenched in cold sweat.

When she did open her eyes, she was met with the image of Terry's face, eyes closed, mouth slightly open, a string of drool down his chin. She had to suppress a giggle. For a few minutes, she simply lay there, watching him, listening to his even breathing.

He must have felt it, somehow. Before long, he was stirring, blinking in confusion for a second as he met her broad smile, and then his face split into a grin as well.

"Mornin'," he whispered hoarsely, propping up on his elbow to be able to look at her properly.

She brought her finger to her lips, again suppressing a laugh as Michael gave a particularly loud snore. Somehow, his finger had joined hers, and was caressing her lower lip softly, until she unconsciously had opened her mouth slightly. In a second, his mouth had covered hers, and he was kissing her deeply, hungrily, hands tangling in her already messy hair, somehow ending up on top of her.

Padma considered herself a very attentive person who always noticed changes in her environment. At the moment, she was admittedly being rather distracted, but she did miss a very significant detail. The snoring had stopped.

Just when her hand had found its way in under his t-shirt, someone cleared his throat. "Er – you do know we're still here, right? And not deaf, or blind?" It was Michael's voice, sounding something between amused and frightened.

"Um – yeah. Sorry guys. We got a bit – er, carried away," Terry grinned, having the decency to look slightly embarrassed, but not sounding very sorry at all.

Padma, however, felt her cheeks burn in mortification, and quickly pushed Terry off of herself. "Yeah. Sorry. I, um, kind of forgot you were here. And – you were snoring!" she burst out, as if that would make it all better.

Michael let out a chuckle at her frantic voice. "You know, the snoring is not guaranteed to last forever. And, even if we had been sleeping, you wouldn't have – y'know – right?" He went back to sounding slightly worried again.

"Well…" Terry began, smirking.

Michael threw a pillow at him before Padma could even react. She turned to him, horrified. "No way you would've wanted to – in front of them!"

"'Course not," he assured her, patting her cheek. "That'd be gross!"

For a moment, she felt annoyance rise in her throat. He was treating her like a child, patronizing her, telling her just what she wanted to hear… Would he have been okay doing it, with the others in the same room? Was he _that_ desperate?

No way. No. Way. He couldn't have.

But yet, there was a voice in her head, whispering that it hadn't been that far from it. And he didn't seem to have minded. If Mike hadn't stopped them…

Would they have gotten _that_ carried away? Would she have let him?

Again, she felt a sharp twinge of guilt. Her head had been completely elsewhere. She hadn't been thinking. She had been forgetting. She wouldn't have stopped.

Her stomach twitched, and she abruptly pulled away from Terry's grip and jumped off the bed.

"Pad?" he questioned, frowning at her.

"S-sorry. I've just – got to go." She had no excuse. It was Saturday. No lessons to get to. Nothing at all. So she just turned and left, starting to run the moment she was out the door.

Down in the common room, she headed for the door, but then realized with a jolt that with the way things were going, she really shouldn't be running around there by herself. Praying desperately that Mandy and Lisa had already gone down to breakfast, her eyelids burning, she ran up the stairs to her dormitory before any of the boys could come after her. Right now, she didn't need them. Didn't need _him_.

But that was the thing, wasn't it? She did need him. She needed him way, way too much. It couldn't be healthy to need someone this much; to not be able to sleep without him, to not be able to keep your brain around him _at all_, to not be able to picture your future without his cute babies and him reading the Daily Prophet at your breakfast table. It was too soon to think about that stuff. Dangerous. Forbidden. Especially when they were in the middle of a war and didn't know that anyone of them would even be alive next year, or next week for that matter.

At first, she thought the dormitory was empty. She had time to close the door behind her, take a deep breath and feel the tears start to pour. Then she heard a sniffle, and stiffened.

"Plan didn't work out, then?" Lisa asked, her voice shaky, but with a sad smile as she hastily wiped her own cheeks.

Padma was still frozen for a few seconds, panicking. She wasn't supposed to be letting anyone see her cry – especially not Lisa of all people, who was already such a mess, who had obviously been needing the privacy herself right now since even Mandy wasn't here. But it was too late now to just run off or something. She did consider it, briefly, but realized that she had nowhere to go.

"It did," she whispered, through blurred eyes. "At first. But then – " She stopped, feeling the lump in her throat rising, preventing her from forming more words. "I'm sorry," she choked as soon as she could manage it. "It's nothing, really. What about you? I know it's none of my business, but if you wanna talk about it...? Or – should I go?" she added, when Lisa hesitated.

"No, it's fine," she mumbled as Padma's eyes flickered towards the door. "You can stay, of course you can stay. I just – I sent Mandy to breakfast. Told her I wasn't hungry. And you know her, when she wakes up, she needs to be fed." Padma gave a faint smile of recognition. "I just needed to be alone for a while. But no, I didn't mean – please stay," she hurried when Padma again made a move towards the doorknob. "I kind of could use someone to talk to. Someone that's not Mandy."

That was a surprise. Padma gaped, about to ask her why in the world she couldn't talk to her best friend and why in Merlin's name Padma had been the one chosen instead. But then she saw Lisa worrying her lip between her teeth, glancing almost hopefully at Padma. And she knew that her place right now was to listen, not to question.

"Look, I'm sorry to be bothering you, but I just – what you said last night. It made me think. Well, actually, I've been thinking all year. Um," she hesitated, glancing around nervously, but then she took a deep breath and looked directly at Padma. "You know Justin?"

Padma nodded, speechless. With all the fuss about Dean, Harry, Ron and Hermione missing, she'd almost forgotten that there were other Muggleborns that hadn't been able to return this year. And that Lisa, the last she'd heard last year, had been getting pretty serious with this particular Muggleborn.

"I've told everyone he just disappeared this summer, no notice. That we were together, but he didn't tell me where he was going and we haven't had any contact." She paused, again hesitating slightly. "That's not exactly true. I – I've been in contact with him. Not a lot, but – he's in contact with Ernie too. He says Ernie'll let him know if there's some kind of fight here. They think it might be, if Potter returns. A revolution. And he's going to be there, if it happens. Fighting. He's so brave, and I – I'm scared." Her tears spilled again, and Padma cautiously stepped closer and sat down on the bed beside her, taking her hand. This seemed to encourage Lisa, as she spoke on through her tears. "I'm t-terrified of it all, but I'm not like Mandy. I don't freeze up under pressure. I know I could help. I'm just not brave enough, but – if he's there…"

Suddenly, it clicked in Padma's brain. Her own words from last night came back to her. _When they're in, I'm in. I can't let them do it without me. Even if it scares the hell out of me._

Her eyes widening, she couldn't help herself. "You're thinking about fighting?"

Lisa cringed, but after a beat, she nodded. "Been thinking about it all year. I couldn't let him do it without me. I haven't told Mandy, though. She doesn't even know that I've been in contact with him. And she – it's us. We don't fight. We live. It's a pact. But I – I think I have to."

"It's a bit scary, what we do for them," Padma mumbled, closing her own eyes against fresh tears, still squeezing Lisa's hand.

"What's that?" Lisa turned to her, frowning. "You wanna tell me what happened with you and Terr? I could use a little distraction. I just – really needed to tell someone."

"Well, my stuff seems small compared to yours." Padma gave a hesitant chuckle, but then figured that despite the fact that she and Lisa weren't that close, she was sort of obligated to share back after _that_ revelation. "As I said, it's nothing, really. Just – kind of realized that I love him way too much. And that I shouldn't be. Not now. With everything. I mean – I could lose him, and I seriously can't even imagine…" She couldn't continue, and this time, it was Lisa who squeezed her hand.

They looked at each other, both through tear-filled eyes, and Padma just knew that Lisa understood perfectly. Like no one else had, all year. Sure, Lavender was going through similar things boy-wise, but she was still a Gryffindor. She wasn't having doubts about fighting. Lisa understood.

And then, after they had been sitting like that for a few moments, the door burst open and the moment was broken by Mandy, who came in with a frown. "D'you know you have three insistent boys trying out new creative ways to charm themselves up the girls' staircase down there, Pad? You might wanna deal with that before someone thinks they're perverts or something." Then she looked at the two of them more closely, spotting their entwined hands. "What's going on? Something happen?"

Lisa shook her head, her hand squeezing Padma's in a plea for help.

"Nope, nothing going on. Just had a little thing with Terry, and I really needed to talk to someone. So thanks Lisa, for listening. I better go take care of the perverts, then."

She made sure to keep Mandy's gaze on her as she walked by, shielding Lisa from view, enabling her to hastily wipe her cheeks.

Outside the door, she took a breath, wiped her own cheeks, and then made her way down the stairs, only to spot Michael standing on top of Anthony's shoulders, attempting to reach the top landing.

For a moment, she attempted a disapproving look, but then she broke into a fit of giggles. In surprise at seeing her however, Michael's movements were a bit too sudden, and just seconds later, he and Anthony were lying in a heap on the floor, both grimacing. Padma hurried after them, dropping her grin. "You guys okay?" she questioned, looking down upon them as they were trying to untangle their limbs.

"Fine," they both murmured in unison.

"Just slightly mortified at having to resort to _that_. What the hell happened, Pad?" Michael asked, his eyes piercing into hers.

"Where's Terr?" she asked, avoiding the question.

"Out looking for you. He kept saying what if you weren't up there, what if you'd gone out and some Carrow had got hold of you." Anthony didn't sound accusatory per say, but he didn't exactly sound friendly either.

"Wanna tell us what the hell that was about?" Michael wouldn't let this one go.

Padma thought fast, but no good explanation for her behaviour came to her. "Well, I – I was just kind of – freaked out."

"We noticed that much. Why?" Michael was still frowning at her, his tone short.

"I just – I lost control. I don't like to, but I did, okay? I forgot you were in the room. I don't do that. And I'm not the kind of person who dreams about babies and morning papers and damn white dresses, but I _can't help it_. I love him, and that scares the hell out of me, and I just can't, not now, not like this. I can't need him, and not be able to sleep for a year, and then sleep like a bloody baby just 'cause he's there."

Before she knew it, she was sobbing into Michael's shoulder. He was holding her, tightly, all hostility gone. The moment her crying was starting to calm down, he lifted her head. "Y'know, he needs you too," he said softly.

"No, he doesn't! Not like this," she protested, shaking her head violently.

"Are you insane?" Anthony stepped forward, looking at her incredulously. "The guy who's out now, ransacking the whole school because you might be out there somewhere?"

"The guy who also slept through the night for the first time in forever with you there?" Michael contributed, grinning a little.

"R-really?" she sniffled. Had he not been sleeping without her either?

"Look, I know things suck, but he loves you and you love him. At least you two've got that, right? Don't screw that up by freaking out by what might or might not happen tomorrow." Michael gently placed her hair back behind her ear. She realized in a moment of self-consciousness that she still hadn't brushed it since she got up, and that most of the common room was filled up by now. Then she realized that they had also seen her burst into tears, and that her hairdo probably wasn't the thing they were all staring at.

In spite of herself, she let out a small chuckle. "Since when did you become so wise?"

Michael grinned back, looking highly relieved that she wasn't protesting. "Always been. It's just you guys who underestimate me."

In that moment, the door bust open, and Terry stumbled in through it, scanning the room with wide eyes, and letting out a yelp as he caught sight of Padma. In no time at all, he was by her side, hugging her tightly. "You're here," he murmured, letting out a breath in her hair he had apparently been holding. Then he pulled away to look at her, his arms still around her waist. "We okay? What happened? Have you been crying?"

"Yes," she said simply, replying to two of his questions at once. "We're more than okay, I hope," she added at his confusion. "The rest doesn't matter."

"You – you sure?" He sounded like he wanted to know more, but she merely nodded, and so did Michael, behind her.

Instead of letting him ask further questions, she kissed him with such passion that he, responding, lifted her off her feet.

After a few moments, Michael cleared his throat again. When they both raised their eyebrows at him, he shrugged. "Just reminding you that the rest of the world is still here. Watching you. You might want to get a room, and, incidentally, there is one free upstairs. Which could be guaranteed empty for, let's say, an hour. Just a tip. Unless you do want to make your debut as porn stars in front of the whole common room. In that case, carry on."

As Terry, shaking his head, lead her up the stairs, Padma turned back and mouthed "thank you" to Michael, who simply grinned and gestured for her to go on.


	24. Seventh Year Part XV

**A/N: **I know. It's been over a year. But I promised I wouldn't abandon this, and I couldn't, not when we are getting so close to the end of this year. If anyone is still interested in reading this, this is for you! And again, I promise, I will continue, hopefully soon since it's summer and I finally have some time to write!

_Short summary of where we are:_

Neville and the other Gryffindors have already "disappeared" to the Room of Requirement. The Ravenclaws haven't. We're getting very close to the battle!

_**Seventh Year. Part XV.**_

Padma was lost in her thoughts, absent-mindedly stroking Terry's hand when Michael's voice brought them all out of their state of gloomy pondering. "Listen up, people – it's starting!"

No one had to ask what he was referring to. It was an unspoken agreement that they took turns in being responsible for looking out for Potterwatch on the wireless.

As always, Terry's hand tightened around Padma's as they recognized Lee Jordan's voice, greeting them cheerfully. She knew he was always holding his breath until they had announced the recent deaths, until he was sure that his brother was not among them. "Hello to everyone out there, and let me just start by telling you – you will not be sorry you tuned in today! We've got some huge news lined up for you this time. You know Harry Potter, the guy we've all been insanely curious to find out what the hell he's been up to? Today, we here at Potterwatch are proud to tell you that we have the answer – at least to what Potter did today. You will find, soon enough, that we are not the only ones with this information, but still..."

Padma almost smiled as she heard someone clear his throat in the background. Lee always had had a tendency to talk a bit too much, and this wasn't really the time to keep the listeners waiting in suspense. Even if the enthusiastic tone of his voice had told Padma Lee wasn't announcing Potter's death, she knew that Ginny would now be almost fainting with fear and would have happily strangled Lee for being this slow with getting to the point.

"Right you are, Royal," Lee continued. "I'm getting to it." Once again, he took a short pause, for effect. They could hear someone clear his throat again. "Fine, I'll just go out and say it then. You're not letting me enjoy this, are you, when I've finally got some good news? Okay then. Here's what's going on. Just a few hours ago, very reliable sources say that Harry Potter, along with his two accomplices Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, broke into Gringotts – the supposedly impenetrable Gringotts, I might add. However, Potter has once again proved authorities wrong. Rumour has it he not only got in and out of one of the highest security vaults – he and his friends actually escaped on one of the Gringotts guard dragons! I mean – you gotta admit, that's a fine exit. With a bang, y'know. Potter's got some style. I know, I know, to the point. To anyone listening close to Potter, let me just repeat again that both he and his two friends got away, seemingly without any harm done to them. Where they are now is more than we know. Now, over to you, Royal. What is your theory about this? What did Potter steal? What was worth taking such risks as this must've meant, except for the street cred of pulling something like this off? Sorry. I am serious. It's just – bloody impressive, ain't it?"

The deep voice of Royal gave a chuckle. "I can admit that, River, but I must also add that while we can't know why Potter decided to do this, we can be sure that he did not know for certain that he would be able to get away like this. He must have had a very strong reason for entering Gringotts of all places, and I have to say I am at a loss for what it would be. However, I will say that I am fairly certain it was not gold they were after."

The speculations went on, but Padma's head was already spinning with this information... Potter. Breaking into Gringotts. Getting away, again. On a _dragon._

It was a lot to take in. As Padma looked around the common room however, she saw that Michael, Anthony and Terry's astonishments were rapidly turning into broad grins. As were many others around them. Some looked, like Padma, just dumbstruck. Mandy looked somewhere between impressed and terrified. Lisa had turned white as a sheet. Padma met her eyes for a moment, and a look was exchanged between them. They both knew it. If Potter was taking risks like this, if he was moving out into the open – it was getting closer. The fight. The real fight.

But as Lee finished up and the people started to scatter, she swallowed down her fear as she saw the elated looks in all of the three boys.

"Wow." Michael let out a low whistle. "That git might be a girlfriend-stealer, but he's damn impressive."

"He broke into Gringotts and got _out_! You're not even supposed to get _in_!" Anthony sounded awestruck.

"And on a dragon. Man, Lee's right, you've gotta give him points for style. They won't like this. I can't wait to see Snape's face!" Terry smiled, his eyes shining with delight. "We won this round, didn't we?"

Padma hesitated before speaking. "You – you'll still be careful, though – right?"

Terry laughed. "Careful? Who needs to be? Potter's just showed us, we don't get anywhere by being careful. Besides, nothing they do to us today can change the fact that Potter slipped from their grasp – again."

"I – I know," Padma said, trying to keep her voice from sounding as filled with panic as she felt. "Just – it's enough, though, isn't it? That Potter got away. We don't need to test their patience, y'know."

"Right. Don't worry, Pad." He gave her a short squeeze of the hand. "Just be bloody happy. This is brilliant."

Michael nodded enthusiastically, and then all three boys were lost in discussions about flying on dragons. Padma desperately sought Anthony's eyes, but when he met hers, he shook his head slowly. She saw that he knew what she was worried about, but he also didn't want to spoil this moment for Terry and Michael – or himself, for that matter, because just seconds later, he was in the middle of their discussion, reminding the others of how Potter had faced a dragon before, in the Triwizard Tournament.

Padma sighed, leaning back in her chair, trying not to listen. Yes, this was good news and all, but that glint in Terry's eyes when he talked about Snape's face scared her. And his dismissal of her concerns had done nothing to calm them – quite the opposite, in fact.

xxx

She knew, when they entered the Great Hall for dinner just an hour later, that it would happen. Some part of her had known up in the common room too, and had therefore been stalling their going to eat as much as possible. And then they were met with the unusually buzzing Hall, and her eyes went from Terry's glee to Snape's set jaw and then to the Carrows, Alecto positively fuming with anger as she spoke in a low voice to the other two, and Amycus searching around the Hall under his low eyebrows, obviously looking for someone to take the hit of his rage.

She knew it the moment Amycus's gaze met Terry's. It was settled even before Terry opened his mouth, shouting that weren't they just feeling a tiny bit like the stupid morons they were, now that it was obvious Potter was the one to be betting on, not their so called Master? "I mean, sure, rumour has it your _Master's_ been flying by himself, but you gotta admit that dragons are just _a lot_ cooler, right?"

The whole room had silenced, frozen. They were all staring from Terry to Amycus. Padma wanted to do something, to put her hands over his mouth and force him to stop talking, but she knew it was too late. As Amycus gave a sneer and started to, slowly, walk across the Hall, his every step echoing in the silence, she made a move as to get in front of Terry, to somehow shield him, but he pushed her away, roughly. Anthony caught her, and took her wrists, keeping her from moving. Michael stood beside Terry, opening his mouth to speak, to agree, but Terry gave him a look and he shut up, stepping back.

Padma's thoughts were rushing. Right then, she hated him. She hated Terry for doing this to himself, to them. She hated him for not letting them take part, for taking the supposed consideration of not dragging them into this, but for being so damn stupid not to understand that by getting himself into this, they _were_ in it, because they were him, and they'd feel every hit, every curse that hit him.

And, yet, he didn't stop. He just stood there, looking defiant and fearless as Amycus moved closer. "What's up, you big old bastard? You getting too slow for me, are you? Or are you starting to reconsider, maybe, starting to think that maybe Potter's gonna beat all of you in the end, and you might wanna switch sides while you've still got the time? That it?"

"No way, you smart-mouthed little - " he stopped, seemingly unable to find a good enough word. Instead, he just shouted, "_Crucio!_"'

For a second, Terry's grin was still plastered on his lips. Then, even as they could all see him fighting to keep it there, it turned into a grimace of overwhelming pain. Before he fell to the floor, however, Michael had caught him.

"Get out of the way, foolish boy!"

"No way in hell," Michael shouted back, but Terry gave him a sharp look and whispered something and then Michael, seemingly using every last ounce of strength, stepped away from him, leaving the range open for Amycus.

"That's better," he smirked. "Now, you make sure to watch your little boyfriend here, as you've made his punishment worse. Go on, watch. It'll be your turn soon enough."

Padma wanted to close her eyes as Amycus once again placed the spell on Terry, this time for longer than before. She wanted to run, far away, anywhere where she'd not have to see his face contort as his whole body thrashed in agony.

But she couldn't. She stood frozen to the spot as Amycus's face twisted in rage, as he stepped closer and gave Terry a hard kick in the stomach. His gasp as the wind was knocked out of him was too much.

Her mouth worked without her consent. A "no!" filled the whole Hall, and every eye turned to her.

"No?" he questioned, raising his eyebrows. "You got a girlfriend too, do you? Let's see how she likes your pretty face like _this," _he said, placing emphasis on the last word at the same time as he, throwing all his weight behind it, kicked Terry in the face. "That'll fucking show you who's the right one to bet on, boy!"

"Is – schtill – no' – _you_!" Terry managed, grunting with the effort it took to form words, furiously wiping away blood from his mouth and nose.

"Still not, you say. Well, let's see how you feel when it's not me who's doing the hurting, eh? Patil, you seemed so eager to be involved. Now, get on with it. Hurt him."

Her heart had stopped. She had only been forced to torture someone three times. None of them had been Terry. None of them had been someone who'd already been beaten like this. She couldn't do it. She wouldn't. She didn't care what they had promised each other once, she didn't care what they'd do to her if she refused, she didn't care. Nothing they did to her could be worse than her doing this to him, now, when he was already cringing with every breath.

She wouldn't do it. It didn't matter that his eyes had found hers and were urging her to go on, were telling her he loved her like crazy and asking her to just do it, just be brave for him. She couldn't.

But then Amycus reminded them of his presence, by giving a roar of impatience and stepping down hard on Terry's right wrist. The whole Hall gasped at the crack and his howl of pain. "I'm counting to three, Patil, or his other arm goes."

She waited for a moment, hoping against hope that something would happen to save her from having to do this. But she knew, really, that nothing could. The teachers wanted to help, but they were powerless. They'd tried, before, and only made things worse for the student being punished. And, so, trembling violently, she raised her wand. "One," he warned, placing his foot over Terry's left arm.

So, she closed her eyes, and mumbled, "Crucio." But even if her eyes were closed, she heard him gasping for breath, and when his first moan filled the hall, she dropped her wand. Feeling as if all strength had run out of her, she fell to the floor, shaking violently.

"Guess we need someone to step in then. Corner, your turn."

Without showing a single emotion on his face except pure hatred towards Amycus, Michael pronounced the spell. Padma, unable to stop herself from turning her head up again, saw that Michael was doing the best job he could with making the spell as mild as possible, but she also saw that Terry, already having been put through too much, felt it bad all the same. His face was turning green with the effort of not letting the wetness in his eyes show, but she saw how close it was, every time his broken wrist moved even the slightest.

"That is quite enough, isn't it?" To Padma's surprise, it was Snape who had spoke up. Every eye in the Hall turned to him. "If you have a need to express your _emotions_, Amycus, find a Healer. Our orders are still to _punish_, not kill the pupils. I would, once again, advice you to follow them."

"But, _Sir_, things've changed, haven't they? After what happened today, I mean."

"I am very well aware of the day's events, thank you. I should still see fit to follow directions until new ones have been ushered. Corner, Patil – take Boot to the Hospital Wing. _Go!_" he urged them, meeting Padma's eyes for a second, with something like urgency.

She shook her head, knowing she must've imagined the look in his eyes, but yet she knew what it meant as she heard the Carrows start to protest. They needed to go, but not to the Hospital Wing. It was time.

She met Michael's and Anthony's eyes over Terry's limp form as they dragged it up, and saw that they knew it too. Together, they hurried out of the Hall, attempting to be as fast as possible, while still treating the injured Terry gently. He still had his eyes closed, but hissed and groaned every now and then, letting them know he was still with them.

"They're – not – behind us – right?" Michael panted as they passed another corner.

Padma shook her head. "Not yet," she whispered, and was annoyed to find her voice so weak. This was not the time. She had to help Terry get to the Room before it was too late. That was all she could focus on. She had to be strong. She didn't have a choice.

As they heaved him up a stairwell, Terry gave a particularly sharp gasp as Anthony accidentally grasped his broken wrist. "Shit. Sorry, Terr," he mumbled, sounding close to tears himself.

"'S fine," he grunted. "Jus' keep goin'."

But Padma could hear the pain in his voice, and she had to blink furiously to keep her eyes from spilling. They had to keep going. Just one more stairwell, and they'd be there. One more corridor. One more step. And they were there, in the safety of the Room of Requirement.


	25. Seventh Year Part XVI

**A/N: **Apparently, when inspiration hits, it _really_ hits. I hope to update very soon again as I've already started working on the next chapter.

_**Seventh Year. Part XVI.**_

As they heaved Terry over the threshold of the room, they were met with gasps. Padma barely had time to register that Ernie, Susan and Hannah had already joined the Gryffindors, which included a few younger students as well, before Neville and Seamus were there, gingerly releasing Terry from their grasp and into one of the hammocks.

"What the hell happened?" Neville questioned, turning to the other three. As Padma opened her mouth, but found that nothing came out, Neville turned to her with sympathy in his eyes. "Pad, you do whatever you can for him. The others can fill us in."

Padma was vaguely aware of Michael's and Anthony's stuttering voices saying words about Gringotts and dragons. Her focus was all on Terry. His eyes were open now, if only slightly, with a vulnerability shining out of them she knew he wouldn't have shown, had he not known that everyone in the room was listening intently to Michael and Anthony.

She sank down on her knees beside him, feeling her eyes fill up. "I'm s-so sorry," she whispered, a tear escaping down her cheek.

With an enormous effort, he spoke, in a very low voice, meant only for her ears. "You – had – to."

But she shook her head, trying to clear it. "I – I'm gonna fix your wrist. It-it might hurt a bit."

But he grimaced in a just-do-it sort of way, and she knew she had to try, even if she felt terrified she'd just make something worse by not being focused enough. But she saw the way he was fighting against actually crying out with pain every single second, and she had to make it better. Had to.

He let out a low groan in the moment that the spell worked, but then, as she felt his wrist gingerly, he only cringed slightly. It was healed, even if it would be sore for a few hours.

Taking a deep breath, she moved on to his nose, and lip, wiping the blood from his face with her own sleeve.

Then she bit her lip and let another couple of tears spill. "I – I can't fix the rest. It's not broken bones, it's just – the curse – and I – I don't even know what Pomfrey uses for that."

Terry was looking immensely better, but still very grey in the face and grimacing every time he moved. He took her hand in his uninjured one. "Hey. S'okay, you know. I'm fine now. I'll be fine. Now that you've fixed my arm and nose, it's really not that bad."

She choked on a breath as she heard the strain in his voice as he tried to make himself appear a lot better than he was, for her. She shook her head. "Stop."

To her surprise, he didn't fake a grin and ask what she was asking him to stop, because he was fine, really. Instead, he just sighed and closed his eyes, allowing her to tentatively start stroking his hair.

She suddenly noticed that the rest of the room had gone silent for a brief moment, and met Anthony's still very wide eyes. In a second, he'd turned to Michael, who'd turned to Neville and soon, no one was looking at them, and everyone was keeping any random conversation going, in an attempt to give them a bit of privacy.

After a few minutes of him just lying there with his eyes closed, letting her comfort him, he opened them and looked into her with so much sincerity that it took her breath away.

"I'm sorry." She didn't have to ask what he was referring to. "I just – had to _do _something. I really needed those news, and then – I went too far with it. I'm sorry. I know you tried to tell me, and I'm sorry."

She shook her head. It wasn't okay. A tear leaked from her, landing on his lip. Somehow, her lips were softly grazing his. Because even if it wasn't okay, he was Terry, and he'd been hurt, and she'd had to hurt him, but they were here now, together. Not okay, but safe, for now.

xxx

Terry was still lying down on the hammock and had not made any attempts at moving, but most of the colour had returned to his face and most of the strength to his voice. Michael and Anthony had stopped acting as though he'd break if they looked at him for too long, and the about 20 people in the room were chatting quite normally. Well, as normally as they could be, under these circumstances.

Then, in a second, Anthony's face fell and he dropped his head into his arms. Michael, Terry and Padma exchanged confused looks along with everyone else.

"What?" Michael asked bluntly.

Anthony looked up slowly, a panicked expression on his face. "I have to get out of here."

"You're joking, right?" Terry frowned at him. "You can't go back out there, man, it's suicide."

But Anthony was shaking his head frantically. "Nathalie. She's still out there."

Padma's throat closed for a moment. Shit. They hadn't thought of her. But then, as both boys were looking to her in desperation, she forced herself to become rational. "Tony, you can't go out there. Nathalie will be fine. She's not in the DA, and after the – um, incident – she's not been making any trouble. She's smart. She'll know to lay low."

"But what if they come after her because of me?" The guilt in his voice made her stomach turn.

She knew she was lying, but made her voice as convincing as possible. "They won't." She placed a hand on his thigh. "They've got bigger stuff to worry about. Plus, you didn't even do anything today. They've got no reason to go after her right now."

It took a few more minutes of talk like this to make Anthony grudgingly agree that it would be foolish to return into the school to get Nathalie, that that in itself would bring her into a much heavier risk than she was in at the moment.

As silence fell, it was Terry who spoke up. "So, what do you guys do in here?"

Neville shrugged. "Not much to do, really. Been practising defence, mostly. Or listening to the wireless. Potterwatch's already been on today, though. Oh, and we get food from there - " he indicated the passage at the back wall, "from the Hog's Head. You guys hungry? I take it you didn't make it to dinner."

Terry gave a dark chuckle at this. "No, not exactly. I'm kind of starving, actually."

Michael's stomach gave a noise of consent.

"Be right back," Neville smiled, and in just a few minutes, he had returned, bearing tons of food, plus massive amounts of Butterbeer.

"Nothing stronger, eh?" Michael said, raising his eyebrows.

Neville shook his head. "Ab figures we should be on alert. I kind of get what he's playing at. With the dragon incident – things seem to be spicing up, don't they?"

"You don't really think Potter's gonna show up tonight, though, do you?" Ernie asked, leaning back casually in his hammock.

"Why not?" Neville shrugged. "Tonight as well as any other night."

"Still think we could've had some fun in the meantime," Seamus muttered.

"You wouldn't be so happy if you'd said that and then you'd be going into a fight wasted," Lavender chided him, grinning.

"Nah, guess not. But some Firewhiskey would've tasted pretty great right about now, hadn't it?" Seamus went on with a sigh.

"Nothing to say we can't have fun without it, though," Terry smirked mysteriously.

"And what exactly do you have in mind?" Padma questioned, looking at him suspiciously.

He grinned. "Oh, I don't know, I don't know. But in my opinion, _this_ is starting to resemble a huge slumber party, am I right?" A few younger girls giggled at the insanity of this comparison. "Well, why don't we make it one then? Who's up for some insanely exciting actions, possibly life-altering revelations? And, yes, people, I am referring to the wonderful game we all call: Truth or Dare!" he said in a mock-dramatic voice.

"Seriously. You're suggesting we play some silly game only girls aged about ten have ever enjoyed?" Seamus looked half-amused, half-disgusted.

"Why not?" Terry grinned. Padma was sure only she saw the momentary glance in Anthony's direction, the satisfaction at the fact that he was actually grinning while shaking his head. So that was why. He was trying to distract Anthony from worrying his head off.

"Y'know, it might not be such a bad idea." A Gryffindor fifth year who Padma only knew from having been on the Quidditch team spoke up. "It's not like we have anything better to do, is it?"

"Dem, you have a point," Neville chipped in, and suddenly, when he'd said it, it was decided. They were going to play Truth or Dare.

"And just for that you get to be asked first," Lavender smirked at the girl. "Neville, you wanna start this up?"

"Why the hell not. Um, Demelza, truth or dare then?" He looked slightly uncertain as Demelza gave a small giggle, before responding.

"Truth, I guess. Seems less risky."

"Okay then. Er... tell us about... your first kiss?"

For a moment, something about the air was frozen. Padma didn't know what was going on, but she saw the looks exchanged by Demelza's friends, and by other female Gryffindors. Then she examined Demelza, whose face had paled remarkably. Neville seemed to have noticed it too, because he scratched his head, waiting, and then said, "Um – did I say something wrong?"

Lavender hit him on the arm, but Demelza, now seemingly more gathered, shook her head slowly. "No, Nev, it's fine. Just that my first kiss was with Colin. We've been together for about two years now, so Lavender probably thinks you should've noticed. But it's fine, you're a guy, I know you don't pick up on that kind of stuff. It took Colin ages to realize I was into him. Finally, I just grabbed him and kissed him. I mean, we'd been flirting for ages, but he never did anything about it, so I took matters into my own hands. Wasn't the best kiss ever. He was so surprised, he kind of slobbered a lot." She grinned fondly at the memory, allowing the others to smile with her. "Anyway. It's fine. I haven't seen him in forever, but I know he's okay. He's in some safe house with his brother and a bunch of other Muggleborns."

"I'm sorry, Demelza, I really didn't know," Neville began, but she interrupted him.

"Nev, really, it's okay. Now shush, it's my turn to do this." She looked around the room, from face to face. Irrationally, Padma found her stomach actually flutter as Demelza surveyed her face, and herself breathe out in relief as Demezla finally settled on Michael, next to her. When he too had chosen "truth", she smirked.

"So, Michael, the whole school's been dying to know for ages. You and Ginny – did you do it?"

For a moment, he gaped at her. Then he chuckled in disbelief. "The whole school's been dying to know, have they?" And from the way every girl in the room were holding their breaths, so they had. Padma was actually a bit curious herself. Even if she knew a lot about Michael, they'd never discussed this particular branch of personal stuff. "Well, sorry to disappoint, but no, we never did it." As Demelza's face fell, Michael grinned. "She probably would have killed me for telling you even that, y'know."

"Why'd'you think we've never asked her?" Demelza's friend said darkly.

"But if you didn't with Ginny – that doesn't mean you haven't done it, right? I mean, you and Cho did, didn't you?" asked a blonde girl at Demelza's other side eagerly.

Michael flushed for a moment. Padma took pity on him, turning to the girl and starting to explain that the rule was one question only. But Michael interrupted her. "A gentleman never shags and tells, ladies, sorry. My turn now. Susan, truth right? Then, who was your first crush? Since you got to school, I mean. No bullshit about some neighbour you had when you were five."

Immediately, Susan's cheeks turned pink. She looked shocked at the attention, and her gaze flickered quickly over to Ernie, who was meeting her gaze with a particular interest. Padma glanced at Hannah, her heart speeding up. What if it was just about to come into the open? But from the calm expression on Hannah's face, she either wasn't bothered by Ernie and Susan anymore, or she knew something Padma didn't.

It took Susan a while to open her mouth, and even when she did whisper something, it was quiet enough that no one heard it. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I didn't quite catch - " Michael asked, and then Susan opened her mouth again. "Anthony." As they were all straining their ears, they heard her this time. And in seconds, Anthony's face matched Susan's. Neither of them looked at each other.

"Well, would you look at that, Tony? A secret admirer, eh?" Michael smirked, but then turned back to Susan. "Your turn, Suse."

"Oh. Right." She struggled to compose herself. "Parvati, truth or dare?"

"Truth," Parvati answered, a little too quickly. Padma saw her tense up, and knew she hadn't wanted to risk having to kiss some random guy. She'd already wasted her first kiss, and second. She wasn't about to waste her third. Even if that meant having to answer awkward questions.

"So, how was it to be Harry's date at the Yule Ball?"

Parvati looked highly relieved that the question hadn't been harder. "Sorry to disappoint, girls," she said, turning to the younger Gryffindors who looked very eager, "but he was a lousy date. Just pined over Chang the whole night. Barely danced with me. Wouldn't've if he hadn't been forced to, to start the dance, as a Champion. I gave up on him later, though. Found a guy from Beauxbatons who would dance instead. Harry barely even noticed. So, I wouldn't make him my Prince Charming if I were you. Especially since he's totally hooked on Ginny." Demelza's friends exchanged looks that told Padma they hadn't quite given up just yet. "Now, speaking of that night - Shay, why the hell didn't you and Lav get together afterwards? We've been wondering this for ages. I mean, you asked her, you kissed her – you must've been into her, right?"

"First of all, thanks a lot for not letting me choose. What if I'd wanted a dare?" he muttered, obviously stalling.

"Then I dare you to answer the question. Speak up. You're not getting out of this."

Lavender looked both tentative and highly curious as she stared at her boyfriend, whose eyes were etched to the floor. "Well, y'know, I was a guy. I was fourteen. Hell yeah, I fancied her, obviously." Here he looked up, looking earnestly into Lavender's eyes. "'Course I was. But I chickened out. I didn't know what to do about it, and then it was kind of too late, wasn't it? I was a git, but Dean was even more of a git about you, not even asking you to the bloody ball in the first place."

Now, the whole room was staring between the shocked expressions of both Seamus' and Parvati's faces.

"He – he wanted to – ?" she stuttered, gaping at Seamus.

"I – I shouldn't've said that. Don't, don't tell him I said that," Seamus said hurriedly, and then he realized what he'd just said and for a second, pain shone from his eyes as he realized that Dean would probably never get a chance to be mad at him for telling Parvati that.

"Maybe we should stop this," Neville said, after obviously seeing Seamus's mind work just as well as Padma had.

But Seamus shook himself, forcing a grin. "Nah, don't be so boring, Nev. This is fun. I pick Hannah. Now, what'd'you say, wanna be the first crazy one to choose Dare?"

Hannah hesitated, but with a glance around the room (straying particularly long over Neville), she seemed to decide there was nothing too dangerous that could come from this. "Fine. Dare me."

Seamus looked very pleased with himself. "I dare you to kiss Anthony."

Padma almost groaned audibly. From the look on Seamus's face, he meant well. He'd obviously noticed Anthony's fancying Hannah at some point, and now wanted to give them a push in the right direction. However, he had obviously not noticed that his feelings had never been returned by her, and that this was very likely to do more damage than good.

Still, there wasn't much Padma could do about it as Hannah gave a shrug and then got up and moved across the room. Anthony's expression was unreadable. Carefully empty of emotion. Padma almost couldn't watch as Hannah leaned forward, quickly pressed her lips against his, and then moved away, giving him a gentle smile.

As Padma sought Anthony's eyes afterwards, he wouldn't look at her. Her heartache on his behalf was interrupted, however, as Hannah turned to her. From the look they exchanged, Hannah had some idea what she had caused, and was in a hurry to switch the focus away from Anthony. Padma gave a short nod.

"Padma, then. What's it gonna be?"

And for a moment, Padma's brain was racing. What could Hannah ask her? What secrets could she not share with this room? Her stomach twirled as she thought about her and Terry at Christmas. But then, Dare, on the other hand was hardly less risky, was it?

But while she sat there, panicking, they were all interrupted by Seamus's shout: "Hey! Ariana's here!"

Padma, Michael, Terry and Anthony were the only ones with complete befuddlement in their expressions. Parvati caught it, and hurriedly filled them in. "It's our way in to the Hog's Head. Through that portrait. She must be here to bring someone there. That – that's never happened before!" she finished breathlessly.

"Harry's never been here before either," Neville mumbled, looking awestruck.

Seamus had turned pale. "Man, I guess you were right about the Firewhiskey."

"You – you really think it's him?" One of Demelza's friend was looking terrified, her voice trembling.

"Yeah, I do," Neville said, now sounding more confident, almost excited. "Now, who's gonna go see for themselves?"

"You, Nev," Lavender said, smiling softly. A murmur of agreement came from throughout the room.

As he opened his mouth, Seamus spoke up. "Just get over there, don't stand 'round here."

Neville took a deep breath and followed Ariana. As he was gone, silence fell over the room for about a minute.

"If it _is_ him," Ernie said slowly. "We'd better prepare to – to fight."

But Susan put her hand on his arm. "Wait until you're sure."

Padma was sure they were referring to calling Justin there or not. With a jolt, she thought about Lisa. Automatically, her hand found Terry's good one. And in the second it took for her to realize that he had a good hand, and that that hand wasn't his wand hand, she had a lump in her throat. This couldn't be happening. There could not be a fight tonight, when Terry was already banged up to begin with, when they were all exhausted and -

Neville was back, beaming. "Look who it is!" he exclaimed triumphantly. "Didn't I tell you?"

And Padma's heart sank all the way down to her toes.

**A/N: **So, we're _finally_ here. The battle is starting. I'm kind of excited and kind of terrified about that. As always, if you're still reading, please let me know what you thought!


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